Hey, Cruel World - (Marilyn Manson)

The Thoughts That Seem To Echo

  "HEY! YOU!" I expected Marilyn to continue his pretty much most famous and well-known song, The Beautiful People, as he shouted this in his singing voice, but instead, he finished with new lyrics that made me laugh. "I NEED YOU TO COME HERE!" I set down the mascara I'd been applying, up early to eat breakfast with the guys before they left to the studio, and walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Marilyn, tall and looming in his long, black outfit, stood on his and Ginger's side of the bed, looking down at his phone.
  "Yes?" I asked and smiled at him as he turned around. Marilyn was so much...looser those days, so much more than he'd used to be. He smiled a lot more and goofed off. It was nice being around him.
  "I know you haven't met Trent yet, but he knows about you and all, and asked if you'd possibly be able to babysit his oldest son today. He didn't say why, but if you're not doing anything...?" I honestly couldn't even wait to meet Trent Reznor, singer of Nine Inch Nails. He had been one of my all-time heroes for many years, just as Marilyn, but I hadn't gotten the chance to meet him, seeing as he'd not been in the city much lately and Marilyn had been unable to see him much as well. And I loved kids.
  "Sure, tell him I'd love to," I said, nodding. "Who's going to take me over there?"
  "I can ask Ginger to, we probably don't need him in the studio right away today, and I can probably get Zim to pick you up tonight. It'll be at Trent's house...I'm guessing Mariqueen has stuff to do and the little one will be gone, but Lazarus needs watching." I nodded. Mariqueen was Trent's wife; Lazarus, his son.
  "I'd be glad to do it," I said and he smiled before looking back down at his phone and notifying Trent. I went back into the bathroom to finish getting ready, a new thing for me to be excited for. I didn't seem like the kind of person who would, but I really loved kids. If I'd been told half a year before that I would be watching Trent Reznor's son (Let alone living with Marilyn Manson and dating his guitarist), I wouldn't have believed it at all.
  Marilyn popped his head into the bathroom door. "Ginger said he could take you over there. Whenever you're ready," he said and I nodded. "Have fun," he told me before leaving. I finished up quickly and turned everything in the back rooms off, then found Ginger waiting in the kitchen as he did the dishes. "You ready?" he asked, turning to me. I nodded.
  He finished and we were off, the rest of the band having already left the apartment. I was sort of sad because I hadn't seen Zim all morning, but Marilyn had said he'd probably be picking me up later and I was excited for that too. We'd been dating two weeks already...we hadn't done much other than spend time together. We hadn't even really kissed like we had in the car again, just a small one before he left and before we went to bed again at night, but it was fine with me. I didn't want to be annoying or push him into anything...and I was overall enjoying the time we spent together, just being together. I didn't feel I needed any more than that.
  That night after we had told the band what we'd decided about us, Twiggy and I had switched places in the bed. It had been a bit awkward...anyone would think that sleeping in a bed with four grown men would be awkward anyway, but compared to having just started dating one of them and now sleeping next to them was much weirder, by far. "Great, now I have to be all close to Marilyn like in the old days again," Twiggy had said when we all settled down in bed. I was quiet and stiff, not sure what to do just yet.
  "Oh, shut up, Twiggy," I heard Marilyn mumble into his pillow, obviously with his back towards Twiggy. "You're the worst one to sleep in the same bed with out of any of us, you pass out and sleep like the dead and no one could move you over if they tried." I laughed quietly because of how true it was, Twiggy always decided, despite our very crammed space together, to sprawl his limbs halfway across the bed, and when any of us tried to move his arms or legs, it was like trying to move concrete. Wasn't going to happen. Period.
  Zim had rolled over to face me and I smiled softly at him. He leaned up, kissed my forehead, and laid his head down again, closing his eyes. I couldn't even believe it...weeks ago, I hadn't even begun to think I would start to like Zim in that way, and I wouldn't in a million years think he'd feel the same. But I was happier then than ever.
  Ginger turned on his air condition to the highest it would go and sighed with relief. It was the hottest the summer had been yet, in the first week of August, and everyone had been using their air conditioner more than ever. The cool air felt good blowing on our faces, even though we'd only been outside for a minute to get to the car.
  "So how's the driving?" Ginger asked as we pulled out into traffic.
  "It's going good, I'm almost done with the course already and just need all the practice I can get in before my birthday," I said, nodding. "Twiggy's a really good teacher."
  "That's good," Ginger responded, then started cracking up to himself. "Of all of us, I find it funny that Twiggy's the one to teach someone to drive," he said, grinning ahead of him at the cars in front. He had his left hand on the steering wheel and his shoulder against the side of the door, his other hand resting in between us. And I definitely knew what he meant.
  It was quiet for a long time before Ginger asked, "How is it going with Zim?" It almost seemed like a strange question for Ginger to ask me and I wasn't quite sure how to respond.
  "I think it's going good, personally," I laughed. I didn't know what to say next and it was an awkward silence that I did not like. At all.
  "I was just wondering," he said quietly, staring ahead still. "Zim's a good guy, we all know that, and I don't think for a second that he'd hurt you, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you if anything were to happen. So is Marilyn and Twiggy. We all care about you a lot, you know." I slightly frowned, watching the road in front of me as if I were driving, listening to Ginger. We didn't have as much a bond as I did with the other guys, but I still loved Ginger a lot and thought of him as a really close friend. It was still different to hear him talk like that.
  "I'm glad I've got you all," I said, and he nodded. At last, we reached Trent's place, a nice, large, gated house, and I stepped out.
  "Here's the code," Ginger said, handing me a piece of paper with a number scrawled across it. I took it.
  "Thank you for driving me over," I said, smiling at Ginger.
  "Any time," he said, and I shut the door before turning to the gate. He drove off and I walked up to the gate and punched in the combination. The gate opened and I walked inside and up the long sidewalk across the lawn. It was such a nice yard and house, with fountains, stepping stones, and beautiful plants and trees placed all around. I reached the door and pressed the doorbell, then waited for an answer. I was surprised still when Trent opened the door.
  He spotted me and gave me a friendly smile before extending his hand to me. I took it in mine, still finding it hard to believe for some reason, and returned the smile.
  "Of course you already know, I'm Trent," he said. His voice was calm and kind, unlike the music he wrote and sang that would make him out to seem like a guy of the completely opposite behavior. I felt my nerves slowly fade away as I became comfortable with him automatically. He gave off that welcoming vibe.
  "Of course you already know, I'm Mavis," I said, laughing a bit as I shook his hand with an equally firm grip as I'd learned to do years ago. He grinned, letting go of my hand, and gestured that I come in. "Thank you," I said and stepped over the threshold and into his open, clean mansion. There were statues and paintings, many different works of art, scattering the front hall where you entered, a dark, but comforting air to it.
  "Make yourself at home," Trent told me and led me through the front hall and into a huge living room, unlike where we'd just been through. It wasn't as much filled with artwork and sculptures as the hallway had been, only a bit, the rest of it almost like a typical, nice living room with a huge flatscreen TV and soft-looking, leather furniture. It was almost breathtaking how perfect everything seemed. Almost as Marilyn's house was.
  I watched Trent walk over to the couch where I hadn't noticed yet. "This," he said, picking his son up, "Is Lazarus." Trent watched him, smiling, and glanced over at me. Lazarus stared with wide eyes. He was a beautiful child, with dark eyes like his mother, perfect features, and dark brown hair like the both of his parents. "Laz, this is Mavis. She's going to watch you today." Trent pointed towards me and I smiled at Lazarus and waved.
  "Hey, Laz," I said as friendly as I could. People back home had told me I was good with kids and I'd noticed they'd usually taken a liking for me. I hoped he would do the same. He, like most little kids at first, watched quietly. He put half of his hand in his mouth.
  "Laz, stop," Trent said, pulling his son's hand out of his mouth. "You're too old for that and you know it. Tell Mavis how old you are." Suddenly, his shyness disappeared and he put two fingers out in front of him towards me and exclaimed, "Two!"
  "How old are you about to be?" Trent asked, grinning.
  "Three!" Lazarus yelled, still holding up two fingers, and we both laughed. Trent set him back down again and Lazarus's eyes hooked onto the TV again, The Lion King on.
  "Trust me, you get used to the kid shows and movies, no matter who you are," Trent said, nodding towards the TV, and I smiled. "Sorry it was such short notice, my wife was called on business this morning and was able to have our other son looked after, but Lazarus's nanny wasn't able to watch him. You have no idea how much we appreciate it," Trent told me.
  "It's no problem, I enjoy watching kids," I said. "And everyone was going to be at the studio today, so I would've just been home alone anyway."
  "Well, thanks again, and we'll definitely be able to pay you for it," he told me as he gather up his stuff, getting ready to leave.
  "No, it's fine, really," I assured him, shaking my head. "I'm glad to, really."
  "We will anyway," Trent laughed, and before I could protest again, he added, "There's a note in the kitchen with numbers in case you need anything and just a few things you might need to know. He'll eat anything, so whatever you can find in the kitchen will be perfect. Make yourself at home," he said again. "His bedroom is upstairs, you'll know when you see it. My number is on the note in the kitchen, so just call me if you need anything," he said.
  "I will," I said, smiling again. "We'll do fine."
  "I believe you. Marilyn thinks very highly of you, and we all know I trust that man's judgement," Trent laughed. "He's crazy...but he knows what he's talking about. I have to get going. Have a good day," he said, leaning down to kiss Lazarus on the forehead, and smiled again before he left through another hall. I walked over to Lazarus and set down next to him, putting my bag on the floor next to me.
  "What are you watching?" I asked him kindly.
  "Lion King," he said happily, not letting his eyes leave the screen at all. I smiled. He wasn't a shy kid at least, that was good. It was probably genetic...seeing who his father was and all. I figured I didn't want to make him do anything while he was watching his movie, so I leaned back and settled on the couch next to him. I found a blanket laying next to me and covered up.
  "Would you like to get under the blanket?" I asked him and he finally looked up. He nodded and crawled over to me, getting up close and laying against my side. I covered him too and together, we watched the movie. He was quiet, to my surprise, while he watched it. Most kids would talk the entire time, but he was glued to the screen, intent on finding out what happened. It was also strange to me how easy he was and how well he got along with me even though he'd never seen me before in my life, but I went with it happily.
  When the movie ended, he jumped up and I followed him into the kitchen. It was large, as the rest of the house was, and full of appliances and whatnot. I imagined Ginger and Zim cooking in it. "Are you hungry?" I asked him. He'd walked in and immediately climbed up onto a tall barstool, quietly waiting. When I asked, he nodded.
  I found the note that Trent had left for me on the bar in front of Lazarus and read over it quickly. I went to the pantry and fridge and grabbed a few things, then got to work over at the stove, making grilled cheese sandwiches in a black iron skillet. Lazarus jumped down off the barstool and came over to stand beside me, trying to peer up over the counter at what I was doing. I smiled down at him as I flipped the first sandwich. I finished the second and placed each one on a seperate plate, then took them over to the island, Lazaus following me anxiously and sitting down again when I put his plate in front of him. I poured us each a glass of orange juice and sat down with him to eat.
  As we ate lunch, Lazarus began to talk to me, and I talked back, enjoying the cute little things he said. He was a funny kid, and I imagined Trent being the same when he was that age too. When we were finished, I cleaned up and Lazarus led me through the rest of the house, the entire beautiful thing, up into his bedroom, telling me he wanted to show me his toys. He did just that, asking me to play with him, and I found myself wishing I was a little kid again because I knew I was having just as much playing as he was.
  Without realizing it at first, I started to think of how much I wanted kids someday, and not only that, but I was imagining how the father of them would be Zim. I imagined our child together, our baby, and taking him places and playing with him the way I was playing with Lazarus. I imagined our baby looking like Zim, saying funny things, and taking guitar lessons from Zim...I imagined us and our child, us loving him so much, watching him grow up, thinking about how good of a father Zim would make...and I realized just as suddenly as I'd start thinking about it, how ridiculous I was being in thinking of this. Zim and I had been dating for two weeks and I was already becoming the immature teenage girl that everyone else out there was when it came to relationships. But I knew, I knew I loved Zim, and that I truly wanted to be with him, even if nothing much had come between us yet...I thought I felt it.
  The afternoon went by very quickly as I played with Lazarus in his room. Later-afternoon, he began to wear himself out and we went back downstairs where we both fell asleep on the couch under the blanket again, watching another movie of his. We woke up a couple hours later and I started to get him ready for when Trent came home. He was back about seven and I texted Zim to ask if he was ready to come and get me.
  "How was your day?" Trent asked as Lazarus jumped off of the couch and ran to him, hugging his leg. Trent bent down and picked him up as he talked.
  "It was fun, we had a really nice time," I said, grinning at the both of them. As we waited for Zim to come pick me up, Trent asked if I'd like to come up to his instrument and recording room and showed me a few of his things. We got along well, he was a really cool guy like I'd always heard from the way Marilyn talked about him. We heard Zim ring the doorbell and hurried downstairs.
  "Thank you so much, Mavis," Trent said, walking down the hallway with me. "I mean it, I can pay you-"
  "It's fine, really, thanks," I said smiling. "I had a good time, it's really fine."
  "Okay then," he said. "You're welcome here any time, Mariqueen would love to meet you, and I'm sure Lazarus would love you to come back and visit," he added as Lazarus ran down the stairs after us.
  "Bye!" he yelled, hugging my leg as I reached for the door. I smiled and leaned down to hug him before opening the door to see Zim waiting patiently, rocking back and forth on his heels with his hands behind his back. We smiled at each other and then he turned to Trent.
  "Good to see you, Trent," Zim said, shaking his hand.
  "It's been forever," Trent said, beaming. "I'm honestly really glad you're back and I know Marilyn is too."
  "Well, it's good to be back so far," Zim said. "Good to see you, again."
  "You too, man," Trent said and Zim and I turned. (Guys...I thought.) "Thanks again, Mavis!"
  "Any time," I said as Zim and I walked down the long sidewalk, out of the gate, and got into his car.
  "Have a good time?" Zim asked and I nodded, smiling at him softly. He leaned across and kissed me gently and briefly, and started the engine. We took off and headed back to the apartment, and all I could think about again, was Zim, and how happy I was to be with him.