Hey, Cruel World - (Marilyn Manson)

And It Can All Disappear In A Single Second

  Drumming my fingers on the steering wheel along with the beat of the music (The Monster Magnet CD I'd received for my birthday, one of the ones Ginger had given me), I drove my amazing new car carefully, but comfortably, only a few blocks from the apartment complex. I nodded my head slowly with the music, singing under my breath, the song 'Space Lord,' probably one of their best songs in my opinion. I had become a very good driver quickly, with the help of Twiggy. No one could teach how to drive better than he could in my opinion.

  "Shit," I muttered, as I pulled up to a red light. I was on my way to meet the guys at the studio where they were working still on their newest album. Tomorrow would be a week since my birthday, and it was Friday afternoon, so traffic was already heavy. I'd been working on my school most of the morning and had planned to go see them in the studio when I finished, which I had done the last two days. Zim had texted me around lunch time and had asked if I could take him his acoustic guitar because he prefered it more than the ones they had at the studio. And I'd forgotten it.

  Changing my mind at the light, I put on my right blinker and made a right turn when the light turned green. I knew my way around here well now, and made my way down a few backstreets. I reached the apartments again and pulled up into my regular parking spot. I turned off the radio and the engine, pulling my keys out of the ignition. I reached over and took my phone off of the pasenger seat, and before taking the door handle, I looked out of the windshield and up at our balcony.

  He stood there, watching me.

  My muscles tensed and my legs quickly turned to a mushy feeling before I could think about what I'd seen. It'd been since that only one time since I'd seen him last...the man from apartment 231. And somehow, I'd forgotten about him, in all the of the new happiness I'd been feeling, I'd not remembered or cared about this since that day. I realized I'd forgotten to breathe for the last half of a minute, and finally tore my eyes down away from his sight. I stared at my phone and found mine and Zim's last conversation, ready to type out that I-

  No, you can do it, just walk past him and get the guitar, you'll be fine and then you'll be out of here again in just a minute, I told myself and looked up at my steering wheel, debating whether or not to text Zim, turn back and drive to the studio and apologize for not getting the guitar, or simply going in and getting it. After about a minute, I went with the latter option, and tried to form a calm expression before stepping out of the car, phone and keys in my right hand, presenting myself without fear on my face.

  It seemed to take me hours to walk across the sidewalk, up the stairs, and onto the long balcony, but I finally reached it, now facing the man who leaned against the railing, his head turned, watching me. Even if I wanted to change my mind and leave now, I couldn't. I just couldn't. I breathed in and out deeply and walked around his back, towards our door near the end. Of course, everything was deserted, no one else was in sight. This made me even more anxious to reach the door as my heartbeat sped up horribly and my legs trembled and shook.

  The door was close, maybe a whole twenty feet in front of me, when I thought I felt his presence closer to me, though I was unable to turn and look behind me, afraid to see if he was really there. Because maybe, in my fear, I was just imagining him there, whereas he was really still back across from his door, leaning against the railing. I prayed this was true. I closed my eyes, taking more steps towards the door, struggling with myself to resist the urge to burst forward, run to the door, shove the keys in the doorknob, and slam it, locking it behind me once more, where I would be safe. Maybe if I'd at least tried...

  I, at last, stood in front of the door, my eyes open again once more, and lifted my keys to the handle, my fingers stiff and my hands shaking. I jerked as I went to put the key in and rolled my eyes at myself in frustration and anger. I couldn't do it, I couldn't get the key in the handle in time anyway, because that's when I felt it, and knew that he was right behind me. I could smell the smoke and stale alcohol again, and this time, I could hear him breathing. Somehow, I knew he smiled disgustingly. My eyes filled with tears.