Hey, Cruel World - (Marilyn Manson)

She Put The Seeds In Me, Plant This Dying Tree

  Laney and I didn't end up waking up until around lunchtime, and when I looked at my phone to see that it was already twelve-thirty, I groaned, squeezed my eyelids shut, and rolled over to my right, on top of Laney. She moaned in response and mumbled, "What time is it." I answered and she groaned as loud as possible underneath me, making me laugh.

  Once we'd gotten up and out of bed (Which took us another forty-five minutes at least, after we checked out phones and whatnot), we started to fix our hair and makeup in her cute little bathroom. We were still tired from the night before, but not too bad. When we finished getting ready, we got into her car and found a small place to eat, went to see a movie, and for the rest of the day, went around little shops and enjoyed the cold, Christmas atmosphere as much as we could. There were Christmas ornaments and decorations everywhere we turned, and as we walked down the sidewalk with Christmas lights all around, our arms linked and steaming hot chocolates warming our hands, we talked and laughed. At many places, there were speakers with Christmas music blasting through the streets, and everything felt so perfect in every way.

  Around eight that evening, after we'd walked for what seemed like forever in the amazing Christmas scene, we drove back to Laney's house and I put my stuff in my car, getting ready to head home. She hugged me and handed me a small, rectangular box, wrapped in sparkly silver paper. I smiled as I took it and remembered hers, and got it out of the backseat of my car. I'd gotten her a shoebox full of bows to wear in her hair, because I knew she liked them a lot. I opened mine to reveal one of her special painted rodent jawbone necklaces and smiled. Most people would probably think they were gross, the things that she made out of small animal bones, but I loved what she turned them into.

  "Thanks for coming to stay with me!" she said happily, grinning as big as she ever did, looking like she was trying her hardest not to jump around with excitement right there in the empty, lit street.

  "Any time...Babe," I said, smiling, and then she really did jump a little and I laughed. I love my best friend, I thought to myself. We hugged again and I got into my car, turning on the heater as high as it would go, and pulled out from the sidewalk in front of her house. She stood in her driveway and waved until I left her street and she disappeared from sight.

  I listened to Christmas music loudly on the way back home. It had always been my favorite, and I refused to change the station for all of December that played only Christmas songs. "The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful..." The minutes ticked by and I thought of how when I was little, despite the place I lived in and the mother I had, I would try and stay awake all night until I actually saw Santa Clause come bring the presents Jonathan and I would receive, but how I'd always fall asleep pretty early. I smiled to myself as I thought of the few good memories from growing up, and began thinking of getting home. This would be my first Christmas with the guys, and I was looking forward to waking up next to Zim, Twiggy, Marilyn, and Ginger in the morning.

  Finally, I pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, turned off the radio, the heat, and then my car engine. I stepped out and grabbed my bag and pillows, and hugged my arms around them, shivering. Why is it so cold? I thought, still bewildered by the thought that it was actually in the thirties in Los Angeles. The thought was foreign and impossible still to any person's mind, no one could wrap their mind around it. It was just unbelievable...this was the coldest night yet and I shook my head, trying to fathom it.

  I walked up the concrete stairs and thought vaguely if they would be frozen over in the morning with ice. I walked down the long balcony and shivered again as I passed the horrible Apartment 231. Only a few times since that day had I actually passed by it and not thought about it, but every other day, it haunted me. I couldn't wait to reach the end of the balcony and walk into the apartment to be greeted by my true family, and boyfriend. I'd missed them all while I'd been at Laney's and couldn't wait, even though it was only twenty yards ahead of me, to spend the rest of Christmas Eve night with them.