Hey, Cruel World - (Marilyn Manson)

You Move Through The Room Like Breathing Was Easy

  We lay beside each other, our deep and steady breathing the only sound in the room. It was just us, Zim and me. We were side by side, the early morning light finding a small crack in the curtain to flood through, brightening the room only a bit. We faced each other, and with our fingers locked, our two hands lay in between us. I wasn't sure about Zim's, but my eyes were closed as I'd just woken a few minutes ago. The bed was always so soft and comfortable in the mornings right after I'd woken up, and I never wanted to move from that spot. Marilyn had only a day ago brought in another bed, a queen-size, barely fitting it in the room. He pushed it up against the other bed we always slept in, but he and Ginger slept more on the side of the new one, giving us all new space. I still slept right up against Zim's body, hoping he didn't mind. I trusted that he didn't care, as he never said anything.

  I opened my eyes. Zim's were already open, staring at me. He smiled and with his free hand, pulled me closer to him. I'd come to the conclusion that listening to our breathing and his heartbeat in the silence was my favorite feeling, both when we laid in bed in the mornings, and on top of the roof while we watched the stars, which we did nearly every night. I smiled into his t-shirt and tipped my head forward a bit. I closed my eyes again. Zim rested the same hand he'd pulled me to him with in between my cheek and my pillow, caressing his thumb softly up and down the side of my face. I began to drift off to sleep again with the perfect feeling.

  "I love you," he said quietly, and I was pulled out of my almost sleep again. I responded, saying the same thing back to him. Every morning of the past month (Today, a month since the thing happened), that would be the first thing Zim and I would say to each other when we woke up. This was the regular routine, no matter what day it was, no matter what we had going. After that, we would talk quietly, forever it seemed, before we actually got up, and that's what we did then. We talked about anything that came to our minds. It was nice to have someone so close to talk to...only two other people had ever really been that way for me before, Jonathan and Twiggy. I loved talking to Zim.

  "Mavis," he said after we finished conversing about diets. (I'd been becoming more interested in the lifestyle Zim lived, his eating habits and whatnot, and had been considering becoming a vegetarian myself. I needed to start doing what was right for my body, I'd decided, and knew Zim would be the best person to go to for that. Twiggy may have been the best at driving, but he definitely wasn't the one to go to for health matters, seeing how that guy ate...I always loved watching Zim's reaction to Twiggy's eating pattern.)

  "Hmm?"

  "Have you gotten your period in the last month?" He said it very quietly, but I was relieved and thankful that he didn't act like most of the stupid guys that hated talking about a girl's cycle. He didn't make it sound like it was awkward for him to discuss, he was always so casual. His question was something I'd thought about a lot. I was so scared in the beginning, after the man. He had not used protection (Why would he even care? He nearly beat me to death, and on top of it did everything else.) and I'd become extremely worried. I was very irregular when it came to that, but I still worried a lot...if I'd discovered I was pregnant with that man's child...well, I didn't want to think about it.

  "Last week," I sighed. I'd been more relieved than I'd ever been the day it started. I couldn't explain how happy I was, knowing that I wouldn't have to think or worry about it.

  "I'm sorry, I just...needed to know," Zim muttered. I didn't blame him a single bit for wondering or asking about it...he had the right in every way to know, obviously. It was quiet for a few minutes, before he spoke again. "Would you like to go on a date with me tonight? Just the two of us, a real date?"

  We'd never gone out on a real date before. I guessed he meant going out to dinner, something formal. Of course, we had gone to the movies and the record store, but we hadn't been dating then. The other times we'd gone out to do anything, Marilyn, Twiggy, and Ginger had been with us. I hadn't given it much thought because I knew we had to be careful about being seen in public together as a couple, but now that I thought about it, I realized how much I longed to do it.