Hey, Cruel World - (Marilyn Manson)

-Author's Note-

Hey everyone! So, as you can already tell...if you're here and reading this right now, you've MOST LIKELY finished "Hey, Cruel World." Let me just say, this has been the absolute most fun I've ever had writing a story, and it's actually really sad to me for it to be over. It's been a part of me since I starting writing it in June of 2013, this last summer...and honestly, it's become a sort of best friend to me! (Yeah, that's right...I'm just a weird, 16-year-old girl who stays alone and becomes best friends with her Marilyn Manson fanfiction instead of going out and talking to real people. Whatever.)
  Anyway, I'm writing this to clear a few things up in any way, and to give a little meaning behind certain parts of the story. Read if you wish...!
  First, I'll say that I tried to make everything as realistic, and actually true to what's really going on in the REAL world right now. Sure, Ginger Fish didn't quit Rob Zombie (he's still rockin'), and Zim Zum didn't join Manson again (sadly), but there are a FEW things I kept true. Like the Nine Inch Nails concert...yes, that will be happening in Los Angeles on November the 8th, 2013. (They are actually performing two hours away from me as I write this. *Sigh*) Also, you probably didn't realize, but in the chapter where Mavis babysits Trent Reznor's son, the title is called "The Thoughts That Seem To Echo." I couldn't come up with a song (Each chapter title is lyrics from the song feature in the chapter) for the chapter, so I used the middle name of Reznor's son in the title. "Lazarus Echo Reznor." Sure, not as clever as I'd like to think, but whatever.
  When I came up with "Apartment 231," it was the first number that popped into my head. Later on after that I was thinking, "Wait...Goon Moon (Jeordie White's own band for which he sings) has a song called 'Apartment 31." That was weird to me.
  A bit behind the story...I was laying in bed one night, trying to fall asleep. I'd been going through a phase where I wouldn't talk to my friends, I wanted to be completely alone, and I was realizing that the people in my family is ultimately who will always be there for me. I wanted to stay to myself though, and be my OWN friend. I was lying there, thinking, "What if I was best friends with Marilyn Manson and Twiggy?" I imagined them lying next to me and us talking as we fell asleep. You see, when I go to bed every night, I start halfway dreaming as soon as I shut my eyes and my thoughts get VERY weird...I ended up having a conversation with them...even though they weren't really there.
  I thought, "Why don't I write a story for this?" Well, all I had was a girl who lived with them and slept in the same bed. Not much to go off of...the next day, my mom made me can tomatoes with her and I was extremely angry with her...as I was squishing them, I thought, "What if these were Mom's instestines..." (I was also going through an "evil" phase, haha. You know, torture methods and whatnot. Typical crazy teenager.) So I decided to add that in...great, two whole chapters! I figured that would be all the story would ever be, just those two chapters, those dumb ideas. But it just went from there.
  Every night when I would go outside to shut the door to the chicken house (we had about forty chickens for five years, and they of course were my job, even though I hate chickens and I'm repulsed by eggs in every way), I would check behind the door before I closed it. I always imagined a man standing there and knocking me out as I began pulling the door towards me to close it. That's where the idea of Mavis standing in front of her apartment door came from...also an idea that went from a personal little experience, even though that was a bad scene in the story.
  As I'd been canning tomatoes, I'd been listening to two Zim Zum songs on my iPod that I'd had on there for weeks, but hadn't listened to yet, and those were the beginning of my new obsessed and love for Zim. He was automatically the new main character in the story, next to Mavis Anderson.
  The same afternoon as the tomato canning, I was listening to a song by Memphis May Fire. The singer is talking about how he hates having to leave his wife every time he goes off with the band, how she says she'll be alright, but turns her head so he doesn't have to see her cry. "And I say goodbye to my wife for what seems like the millionth time. They say it get easier, but they lie." That's when I knew that towards the end, Zim would leave...even though it'd be in a different way.
  I didn't find out about Twiggy dating Laney Chantal and the two of them being engaged until about August, and I decided I'd love to have her as one of the characters...Mavis needed a good friend who was a girl anyone, and I'd already been planning on making one up. At first, I didn't like Laney (probably because of my huge crush on Twiggy), but it only took me about a week before I feel in love with everything she does! (Ahem. Her Etsy store is amazing!)
  The two songs I used in the Laney chapter where Mavis goes to her house, "Billy Crystal" by Yelawolf, and "King of Amarillo" by Issues are both "family" songs, or inside jokes we have. I heard Billy Crystal the first time on my way to the coast this last July, riding with my aunt (she's 21) through Austin. As soon as the song started, I looked up and saw this travel trailer park. A tiny trailer was on a raised platform spinning slowly in a circle, and it looked hilarious with the beat of the music. Then we realized the song said, "Trailer park's on fire..." so we still quote that constantly and laugh each time we pass it. We're dumb, but we have fun. King of Amarillo is a song my cousin (19), Rena, showed me, and we always blast it when we're together in her car and shout that one line Mavis and Laney sing in the chapter.
  The first time I wrote a story, it was a Harry Potter fanfiction and I think I was twelve. That's when I became interested in writing, proper grammar, and correct spelling. (And yes, I do speak with proper grammar as well.) I never finished the story (I plan to someday), but the reason I started it was because it was based on a dream I had. Since them, many things in my stories have been based on dreams. The dream Mavis has in the auditorium was a recent dream I had with somebody else that I haven't seen in four years, and never again will see. (This person died in 2009, so the dream was emotional for me just as much as for Mavis.) I hadn't planned at all to use it in the story, not until I actually sat down and began writing that chapter.
  The dream Mavis has of Zim getting into his car and it exploding is based off another dream, again, one I hadn't intended on using in the story until I wrote the chapter. My mom has always told me of a dream she had when she was a teenager where she looked out her bedroom window and saw her dad, my grandpa, drive up in his pickup truck. She was so excited to see him get home, and out of no where, his truck exploded and caught fire with her screaming in her room, unable to do anything. Yet again, another dream.
  Obviously, I believe in taking real life, personal experiences and putting them into writing, however you feel you can make it come to life in a relatable manner or way. I'll confess to you all, I've only ever fallen in love with one person. He would never date me, and all he wanted was sex, but he was my best friend, he helped me through a very hard time, and I was truly in love with him. I promised to be the best girlfriend, though I wouldn't give him the only thing he wanted...he didn't want to date anybody anyway. He didn't treat me right, and I see that now. One afternoon, after something he'd done the day before that upset me quite a bit, I finally texted him and told him to stop approaching me. (He had been my first, second, and last kiss, and though I was finally getting what I wanted after so long, I knew it wasn't right because of how badly he treated me.) It was what I imagine breaking up would be like.
  The entire afternoon, I cried and cried and stayed to myself. That night, I turned on the radio and heard the very end of "Black," by Pearl Jam. I'd faintly heard it maybe once before, but never cared to listen. But when I heard the last line, "I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky, but why, why, why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?" and then the fading out, "Do do do do, do do do..." I broke down again. I know, what a pitiful, sad little heartbroken, teenage girl story, think what you will. I do realize how ridiculous it is...but I'm very glad to have already experienced it, and now know to wait for something right and good. Still, when I hear that part of the song, many times it makes me feel like I'm there again. It's one of my favorite songs.
  But Zim comes back! (This guy in my life will not be coming back. Thank the lord.) The three songs I used seemed best to be used for his return. As you can see, I used another Pearl Jam song, their newest one...this one seems to be sad in ways still, but on a better not, and better point in Eddie Vedder's life in the way it's written, and I feel it's in the perspective of Zim.
  In the song "Far Behind," by Candlebox, I see it coming from both Mavis and Zim's perspectives. "Now maybe, I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad, but I did it anyway," would be said by Zim, though Mavis would be thinking, "But you left me far behind." It is another song I'd heard sort of before, but really for the first time again, though on a different trip to the coast, going through Austin this last July. I asked who it was and my dad said, "Candlewax." My mom told me how he's always called them "Candlewax" instead of "Candlebox," and I even find myself accidentally saying it most of the time I mention them. Anyway, it is a very well written, beautiful song, even though it isn't to do with a relationship, but rather losing two different friends to a heroin addiction and overdose.
  The third song of the chapter is a song I heard in Freaky Friday (one of my favorite movies) called "Brand New Day." I recently bought the soundtrack on CD and immediately knew the song should also be a part of the last chapter. It would also be in Zim's perspective.
  And now that you know all the little details about my story, no matter how unnecessary and boring they were, you're still here, seeing as you're reading this right now. So this is the time that I would like to thank each and every one of you. To have fans, even Wattpad "fans," is a crazy thought to me. To think someone read something that came from my head and was put in word is just as absurd. As the great Marilyn Manson says though, in my favorite quote, "You will always be your worst audience, until you stop being and audience and start being an artist."
  You guys are definitely the only thing that kept me going. Each and every one of you, when I see "So and so likes this chapter" and "Whoever is following you on Wattpad!" and seeing how many votes I have, THAT'S what kept this story alive. I DO smile every time I receive a comment on any of my stories, but mainly this one. I do this not only for myself, but really for you guys.
  To a few certain people-
  PogoDeathray (Cara): Girl, without you, this story wouldn't be in existance. You are the first person who really started reading "Comas Are More Black Than White" and commenting consistently. YOU are the reason my stories became a little more popular, the reason people started reading them. You are such an amazing friend on here, and wonderful fan, and I know Marilyn Manson himself would be proud of his biggest fan! Like you say, you ARE in fact a walking Marilyn Manson Encyclopedia!
  Whiness: You have also been here since the beginning, and I appreciate your reads so, so much! THANK YOU! (Manson would also be proud of you for many other things!)
  MarilynMansonLovers (Lexii): You've been through so much, but your smile is always still there on you little profile picture, and I love to look at it and just see. You are a beautiful, amazing, intelligent girl and I'm proud to have you as one of my first real readers and fans. Stay strong! Manson and Twiggy would love you and your sisters so much. Both of them.
  MarilynMansonIsMine (Ale): You are what it takes to change this world! Someone who will stand up for what they believe and tell people you're proud to be a listener of Marilyn Manson. You are so smart, to be able to see the right and wrong in this world, and to know who to listen to, what to believe, and how to distinguish between the hypocrites who curse us Manson listeners to Hell. What do they know, really? Most of us Manson listeners know more about God than those "Christians" at the "church!" Manson would be proud that you don't just lie down and submit to everything you're taught...you think for yourself, and in a way, that's really all Manson's ever even wanted.
  Djgirl2000: I'm honored that you have stuck with this story and asked me of all people for help with your own. Thank you!
  And to the rest of you, you are no less important than the fans I just mentioned here...YOU ALL MADE IT HAPPEN!
  (I'm so cliche, damnit...)
  And for the last thing...in case any of you have wondered or even thought about at all...there will be a sequel! Titled "The Red Carpet Grave." I'm not sure yet when I will begin writing and putting up on Wattpad, I won't set a specific date even though I'd like to, but trust me, it should be soon.
  Thank you all so much! More than I can really explain. It means so, so much to me!
  Rock on, all you Beautiful People. (Definitely cliche.)
  -Renny