Hey, Cruel World - (Marilyn Manson)

I Don't Think That They'd Understand

  "Mave," Zim whispered, his lips on my ear. I didn't know he was still awake...I knew from the snore beside me that Twiggy was dead asleep, and by Marilyn and Ginger's slow breathing, that they were out as well. Sometimes I was unable to tell with Zim...I'd honestly thought I was the only one still awake. Three weeks had passed since I'd babysat Lazarus, and I was about to begin homeschooling myself for the first time. Summer was almost over, it was cooling down a bit, and Autumn was coming with the arrival of September just a few days around the corner. Zim and I had become closer still, though not doing much in public. I was more sure than ever as time passed quickly, that I loved him.

  "Yes?" I said just as quiet. I didn't want to wake up the other three guys. They needed all the sleep they could get, and most nights would come home and stay up only a couple hours before we all went to bed. They told me that they'd been working harder than ever on their new album, giving as much focus and concentration than they ever had. I hadn't heard anything from it yet, but knew that as soon as I did, I'd be very proud of all of them. Maybe it wasn't my place, a fifteen-year-old girl, to be proud of four men in their fourties, but I was deep down anyway. They were working their hardest. That's why I expected Zim to be asleep as well.

  "Come with me," he said, and his fingers found mine. I let them grasp mine in his own tightly, and we slowly eased up together as to not cause too much noise to the others. I slipped out of bed after him and let him lead my out of the nearly pitch black room. He took me quietly down the hall, into the kitchen, and through the door that seperated the kitchen and living room. The front door to our apartment was just to our left and he unlocked and opened it without any noise, leading me through and outside onto our second floor balcony. I expected him to walk me down the rest of the long balcony, past all the other apartment doors, and down the stairs at the end, down to his car, but he only crossed the short distance to the side, letting go of my hand and leaning up against the iron railing.

  "Are you scared of heights?" he asked, no longer speaking in a whisper, but not much louder either as to not disturb the neighbors. I could see clearly now, the streetlight down below and the few lights on the ceiling of the balcony above us. I shook my head and he nodded. I followed him over to the railing and out of nowhere, he climbed up onto it, holding on to the ceiling, twisted, and hooked a foot into the column connecting the railing and ceiling. He climbed his way up quickly onto the roof, then popped his head over the edge. "Then follow me."

  I sighed as he disappeared over the edge of the roof again and reached up to the ceiling to get a grip before hoisting myself up and following him over the side. Halfway up, Zim grabbed me around the waist and helped me up the rest of the way and I smiled at him. The roof wasn't as steep as I'd expected, though it did have an angle. He leaned back against it, laying down with his feet pulled up to him and his knees bent towards the sky. I did the same and adjusted myself to where I was closer to him, a small, warm breeze gently blowing us. He took my left hand in his right again, and laid there.

  "I like the stars," he told me in a quiet voice and I noticed as we both stared up that there seemed to be billions of them out. The Milky Way stretched across the sky, glistening and opening up the brightness of the heavens. The noise of traffic below grew faint and the lights in the parking lot seemed to fade away into non-existence as we looked up at the stars, all of them lit and burning bright. Heaven, let your light shine down, I thought to myself, remembering the lyrics of the song 'Shine' by Collective Soul.

  "They're beautiful," I whispered to him. Any part of me that had felt tired before left my body and I laid there, hand in hand with Zim, as we gazed above. I was so glad now that he had taken me up there with him. I'd never really gone out to look at the stars before, or even noticed them, but now that I saw...