Instinct

Chapter Twenty-Three

I sigh heavily and stare at the wall in front of me.

“What does this mean for us?” He asks softly as Harry props himself up on his elbow and looks down at me. I shake my head, not knowing the answer. Harry squeezes my hand gently that remains in his over my stomach.

“I'm sorry.” He says for what feels the hundredth time.

“I know, Harry.” I tell him again and he sighs.

“What else can I say to make you change your mind?” He whispers and I take my lower lip between my teeth as I think.

    “Nothing. I just need time away from you.” I tell him honestly. I can practically feel the frown that is obviously invading Harry's face. He brought this on himself.

“Please, Ali. I can’t lose you.” He mutters in a last ditch effort to change my mind and I feel my heart yearn to give in to him, but I can’t do that. I swiftly turn on my back and look up at the beautiful forbidden man above me.

“You wouldn’t have done what you did if you meant that.” I reply blankly and watch his face pale. Harry visibly swallowed as his hand detaches from mine and slides across my body slowly. I bite my lip and reluctantly take his hand off of me.

“Stop, Harry.” I murmur, the volume gone from my voice. He takes his hand away slowly as his expression changes, once again, to ashamed.

“I’m sorry, I just thought..” He slowly trails off and I know what he meant. I’m really not being fair to either of us now. Earlier, I gave him a taste of what he claims to miss. Letting him kiss me and touch me the way I used to let him do without a second thought before making him stop so I could think over the mistake I just made in letting him do that.

“I know, but that was a lapse in my judgement and I shouldn’t have let it happen.” I tell him and he bites his lip on the opposite side to his lip ring.

“I think I’m just going to go.. I can’t just,” he pauses as if he’s looking for the right word to let me down easy. “lay here with you knowing that you don’t want me the way I want you anymore.” He finishes and quickly gets up, pulling at his hair and making somewhat of a grumbling noise.

“Harry..” I mumble, sitting up and pulling my legs to my chest. My heart is screaming and my head is throbbing, both for different point of views. My heart says: Make him stay, you know you want him here. But my head, obviously the more reasonable of the two, says: You should have kicked him out earlier, you’re stupid for even letting him get a chance to talk to you. Make him leave.

“What, Ali?” He turns to me, his face absolutely distraught but I can’t help but catch the small ounce of hope behind his eyes. I swallow and shake my head.

“Goodbye.” My mouth blurts and I watch Harry’s face go dull once more.

“Bye.” He says flatly, slamming my bedroom door behind him. I feel my eyes water as I wait for the second door to slam..

Slam.

There it is.

~~~~

    “Hurry up, Ali!” My mom screams from downstairs. I roll my eyes and slowly put my last earring in, taking as much time as I want before I have to torture myself and go to this banquet with my family. It was ridiculous, really, that they made me tag along to this thing every year.

    “Ali!” She screeches again, this time her loud heels could be heard down the hall before she comes into view through the bathroom mirror.

“I’m coming, Mom.” I tell her and put my black fedora on my head and take a deep breath as I take in my appearance. Besides the black fedora, I’m wearing a bold, black bodycon dress with a sheer cut out between my breasts. The dress goes down to my mid-thigh and adorning my feet are bright pink, high-heeled ankle boots that my mom forced me to wear.