Always(Trilogy)

Chapter 10

A/N

I hope this is a pretty long and not suckish chapter!!! Tellme what you think in the comments below and don't forget to vote!! I love you guys and happy early Easter to anyone who celebrates it!!! xx~Keke

~Harry's POV~

I sit in my car for an immeasurable amount of time before my breathing returns to normal. I've been trying for days to forget and let go of Allison, of my old life, though it seems like it's been years. The realization that Allison hates me with every fiber of her being hit me like how people fall in love; slowly and then all at once. It wasn't like that with me and Allison, though. I fell for her, hard and fast, like a man jumping off the Empire State Building with no means of stopping until he hit the ground. I guess I should've thought of our love like that. That the effect of falling that hard, that fast, will result in nothing but pain. Though our journey was much longer than the thirty seconds it would take for you to finally meet your death if you were to jump off the top of the Empire State Building, the ending is exactly the same. I should've known that eventually this is where I would be. Maybe I did and I just chose to ignore it. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, in the very deepest chamber of my heart, I knew that I truly would never deserve Allison. I could live a thousand lives, and never do anything good enough, noble enough, to deserve the beautifully sweet and innocent girl that God had sent me. 

"Have you ever thought about marriage, Alli?" twelve-year-old me asks. Allison stops practicing the piano, looking at me with confused eyes.

"Of course," she answers. "Why?"

I take a seat next to her, so close that our shoulders continually brush.

"No reason." I answer. "Do you really think it's as great as everybody says?"

"Well," she begins, her tiny, delicate fingers gliding effortlessly across the black and white keys. "If marriage is like my mom and dad's, then I can't wait to get married." the look on her face shows concentration but excitement. 

"What do you mean?" I ask. I have never experienced what true love between a man and woman is, my parent's divorced when I was ten.

"I mean the way they look at each other." she explains and I immediately understand. It's the look I catch myself giving her on a regular basis. And suddenly, I'm filled with longing and excitement as well.

Maybe tomorrow at the wedding, I can talk to her. She can talk to me. We can become friends again, maybe even get married again. We can be happy. I know we can. Our kids will grow up with both their parents, and Allison and I will live long, happy lives. 

See? There I go again, trying to salvage and hold on to whatever little piece of pathetic hope I have left. My heart won't allow me to let go of her. I literally can't. It's like having a piece of fabric stuck to your hand with crazy glue. 

And then there's Taylor and Jonathan. Taylor feels deeply for me, I know that. And it's unfair of me to continue to lead her on, showing her reciprocated love. I should hate her. Hate that she feels this way towards me because it makes it that much harder to try to be there for her. Hate that because of her, I lost everything that meant anything to me. But I can't because this is all my fault. This is all my fucking fault and there's no one to blame but myself.

~Allison's POV~

After my little mental breakdown, Carol suggested that we all go for a bite to eat. I honestly don't feel like eating, my appetite vanished into thin air.

"C'mon, Allison, please eat something." Carol pleads.

"I'm fine." I say unconvincingly. "I'll be fine." I back track but the words don't sound any more real than the first ones.