Jungkook | Saved

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My life consists of two things. Work and sleep. Because I refuse to give myself time to do anything else. I don't want to do anything else. So work it is.

I'm a janitor at Busan Arts College. It's not what I had imagined for myself, but with the circumstances, it's fine. It pays me enough to pay for my rent and some groceries. I don't really need anything else.

And today is like any other. I arrive five minutes early for my shift. It's a night shift, and I prefer it that way. Working the day shift was a nightmare. There's less students on campus at night, and very little chance of a girl coming up to me. Before, there were always girls giggling and whispering about me. They'd stare. Always staring. A few times a girl would actually come up to me and try talking to me. And every time, they'd just leave disappointed or heart broken. Because they'd see I wasn't just some good looking guy. Not that I think that I am, but that's what they all whisper about. No. They'd see that I was uninterested, boring, and mean.

I'm ok with that.

I'm ok with them thinking I'm those things. Because I really am those things. I'm not interested in girls anymore. I'm not interested in dating or flirting. I'm not interested in love anymore. The thought makes me want to throw up. And the thought of being close with a girl ever again is nonexistent. They are just shadows of the world, of my world.

I'm not one to entertain the idea that I'm a good person. So every time a girl comes up to me, I make sure they know they're wasting their time. So now, I hardly see girls around me. They know better. 'Just a handsome face,' they say.

I'm ok with that.

I'm ok with being alone. It's easier this way.

The life I have now is easy. Because it's just a list of things; an order I go through. With work for example, I begin the shift collecting the garbage from all the classrooms first. It's mostly just papers; easy stuff to deal with. Next I make my rounds to pick up trash from the cafeteria and the lounge area. It smells and it's disgusting, so I save that for last. After taking out all the trash and replacing them with clean bags, I start wiping down all the desks and tables. If someone had left something on a table, I leave it alone and continue with the next. I learned my lesson with that one. It's not worth getting in trouble, even if it's some asshole's fault for losing their own shit. No, I just work around it. After the tables are cleaned, I start vacuuming all the rooms that have carpet. And again, saving the cafeteria and lounge for last, I mop the floors. If I have to, I'll get down on my hands and knees and scrub. But I don't have to do that too often.

I work diligently. It keeps me focused. Because once I'm done with work, it's close to 4 AM. I clock out for the night and head back to my apartment. Along the way I always stop at the same 24 hour convenience store to eat the same ramen. It acts as my dinner, even if it's 4:30 in the morning. I don't have a car, I prefer walking. It walks away the calories of the ramen. And it helps me stay tired. I prefer the feeling of my body tired and exhausted. Because by the time I reach my apartment, by the time I've stripped out of my uniform and taken a quick shower, and have gotten to my bed, I'm passed out and asleep until I have to get up the next day.

I'll eat breakfast around 1:30 or 2Pm in the afternoon. My breakfast consists of either more ramen, or some type of microwaveable meal. Easy. The frozen meals aren't that bad. But I haven't really enjoyed food in a long time. I just see it as another task in my list of things to do. So once I've eaten, I'll start getting ready for work. If I have laundry to do, I'll do it then. It's the only chore I really do, only because I have to do it. As you could tell from the dust collecting on pretty much every surface besides my bed and the kitchen counters, I don't do any kind of cleaning. My apartment barely has anything in it to clean. Easy.

Not much thought process has to go into anything I do. Because it's all just part of my list. A box to be checked in my head to get me through the day. Day after day going by like this.

And I'm ok with that.

I'm ok.