Jungkook | Saved

10

For the first time in two years I actually had a dream. A dream I could remember. Or I should say nightmare. Because dreams are meant to be good. Nightmares are filled with all the hate and ugly you fear.

I was watching it all unfold from the beginning. From the moment I entered the practice room to see her cowering against the wall behind the piano. To Jimin stalking his way towards us as I tried my best to keep her behind my back and shielded.

It was like a movie on loop.

I was witnessing her getting choked and beaten. I wanted to look away but I couldn't. This was the nightmare. My ears and eyes permanently open and ready to watch as she got raped and killed.

And if there's anything I can take from my nightmare, it's that Park Jimin is a murder and will forever be a murder. Nothing will change that.

I woke up to myself crying into the pillow underneath me. And I let myself cry. Because I don't know how long I was just watching the accident happen over and over in my nightmare. And the memories of that night hasn't been in the forefront of my mind in a really long time.

"Jungkook, hey, shh shh. It's ok. I'm right here."

I heard Namjoon's voice close to my ear. He sounded close. I couldn't really tell with my eyes squeezed shut as I wailed into the pillow. But I just reached out aimlessly to try and feel for him. He hurried to grab my arm and hold me tight as I just screamed and cried. He was the only thing that kept me from falling back into the hole that was my life after her death.

The same hole that tried to consume me and claim my life. An abyss of eternal pain.

But his firm grip on my arm keeps me here. With him. Wherever we are. It's just him holding me tight and letting me cry. Because with his firm grip, time has stopped. I'm allowed to cry. I'm allowed to feel this pain.

I don't know how long I cried. And I don't know when I passed out again. But this time as I wake up, I wake up to dry eyes, a sore throat, and an empty feeling inside of my body.

Namjoon is sitting beside the bed I'm occupying, dozing in and out of sleep. I can tell by the way his eyes are closed shut and his head keeps bobbing forward and jerking back. But on the third time repeating this he notices I'm awake.

He quickly looks me over, "Here, you need to drink some water."

He digs his arms under my armpits and lifts me up enough against the backboard so I can drink. I'm like a doll, I have zero energy to move. But he doesn't expect me too. He just gets the glass of water that was already on his nightstand and helps me drink it, carefully putting the glass to my lips and tilting it so the water could coat my sore throat. Sore from the crying and the wailing.

He put the glass back on his nightstand and took a deep breath, "I should apologize to you Jungkook. I should have told you that Park Jimin wasn't being held anymore." He slouched back into the chair, rubbing at his temples hard to get rid of the raging headache, "Honestly I should have told you what happened to him. But I was scared of what it might do to you. I'm so sorry."

"It's... not your fault... hyung..." my voice barely got out, sounding hoarse and lower than normal.

"Either way, let me explain some stuff because I'm sure you want answers." He saw my slight nod. So he sturdied himself, sitting up properly now and made sure to talk slow and carefully. "From what my best friend told me, who happens to be the director, Park Jimin's father used his power and his money to put Jimin into an institution. He kept Jimin from going to jail in favor of image. Apparently Jimin was willing to go to jail, but they worked it out that Jimin would just stay in the institution to go through rehabilitation. He was in there for five years before my friend, the director, deemed him rehabilitated to be released." He rubbed his temples again and sighed heavily, "I guess I should also mention that my ex is the same woman that was with him today. So imagine, this past time I saw her, I ended up just yelling at her and we had a huge fight. Although, I guess we did kinda agree to try and be friends still... I don't know."

"Hyung..."

"Fuck... I'm so sorry Jungkook."

I had never heard him cuss so openly like that before. It seemed surreal. This was happening.

It wasn't just a nightmare or a delusional scene glazing over my eyes. I saw Park Jimin face to face. I wanted to kill him so much that I think it sent my body into shock. Not that much hate and fear can course through a body and not be affected by it.

"Where is he now?"

"I don't know. My ex called me. As soon as she mentioned your name I dropped everything and got you."

I grunted as I lightly hit my head against the headboard, "Y/N was there wasn't she..."

"She was crying, but she kept holding your hand. And she wouldn't let go until I showed her my ID." He smiled a bit, "She's a good girl."

"Yeah...she is.." I groaned as I pushed my body up some more. "What did you tell her?"

"I told her you'd contact her later when you got better. So it's up to you when you want to talk to her again." He got the glass once again and offered it to me.

I took the glass and sipped on it. "Ok..." Another sip. "Park Jimin... I want to kill him."

"Jungkook..."

I reached over to put the glass back but he took it from my hand to do it for me. "Of course I won't. But... I thought maybe I would have back there."

"I know... My ex said you looked.... Dangerous."

I closed my eyes and thought about seeing him. And no doubt I still feel like killing him. Or at least beating him until I couldn't move. But there's a part of me that doesn't want to become like him. I don't want to be compared to someone like him.

And somehow the thought of making Y/N cry again has me considering my actions.

I really want to talk to her.

I just hope I didn't scare her away.

I sighed openly, "So what you're trying to tell me is that Park Jimin is a changed man? And I'm supposed to forget everything he's done?"

"I can't contest to him now, I haven't talked to him myself or anything. But as far as forgetting what he's done, hell no. But.... It'll be up to you if you forgive him or not. I don't blame you if you don't."

"Forgive him? He doesn't deserve it," I said spitefully.

"I understand. But don't let that spite and that hate take over. Remember to keep track of those thoughts."

I frowned, "I know... Those are the type of feelings that lead to worse things."

"That's right," he nodded. He rubbed his temples once more before standing up. "Well I'm gonna heat up the soup, you need to eat. Just keep resting for now."

Just as he was about to leave his bedroom, I quickly spoke up, "I'm sorry you had to leave your work. But... Thanks hyung."

He turned around with a smile, "Couldn't leave my brother like that, now could I?"

The empty feeling I felt in my body felt like it was being filled. Not completely. But there is something there that Namjoon gives me. It's not everything, but it's enough for now.

I'm just missing something else...

My thoughts drift to Y/N. She was in the middle of saying something before I saw Park Jimin. I wonder what she was going to say. But now she probably doesn't want anything to do with me. I know I'd be scared of someone who reacted the way I did. I'd be scared of someone so irrational and unpredictable.

Maybe I shouldn't even try and contact her again.

I look to the side and see that Namjoon put my phone on the nightstand. I unhook it from the charge cord and see the text messages on my phone.

And somehow, seeing Y/M's messages is filling up the rest of that space inside of me. A hole carved out by Park Jimin and my fear. It doesn't seem as big when I read her words. When I can imagine her saying these things to me.

I close my eyes and think about her. But as I do, her face starts changing into someone else's. It starts changing into my first love.

I clutched my phone hard in my hand, shaking as the fear takes over. Fear making me cry as I decide not talk to Y/N anymore.

Because I know she'd be better without me in her life.