Jungkook | Saved

15 End

I can't say it's been easy. It hasn't. I have a lot of bad days. Days where I regress and hide away from the world. Nights I'm crying myself awake from nightmares.

But I have good days too.

Namjoon actually suggested I move in permanently with him. That made me really happy. But I turned that down. He started talking to an old friend of his from his college days and he seems pretty smitten with him; Jung Hoseok if I'm remembering it correctly. Either way, I don't wanna get in the middle of things and mess things up for him. And besides, moving out was a healthy step for me. The relief of going off on my own again made me feel good. It felt like I could stand on my own and be ok.

But we all know I can't live like that anymore. I know I can't.

I still have Namjoon's support, but more importantly, I have Y/N.

She's not my girlfriend but we aren't just friends. I've told her she's important to me and that I really care about her. But I wasn't ready just yet to put titles on our relationship. I guess I'm still a little scared, but she understands. She always understands. She's always patient and listening to me. Even if I'm irrational or pushing her away, she's always there for me.

I'm always learning from her. And like Namjoon, I'm completely smitten. I'm so in love. I just hope that one day I can get the courage to ask her to be mine officially. But I know that it'll come one day. Unlike before, I have faith in myself.

I'm so lucky.

I'm so happy.

"Jungkook!"

I heard my name called out cheerfully and I couldn't help but smile.

I used to hate my name.

Like I used to hate myself.

I spent a long time ignoring the pain, telling myself that I was ok. That because I was alive, that I didn't need to do anything else.

But now I have love again.

I love myself and I love my life.

The struggles of anxiety and depression and PTSD are still a part of me, but now I know how to handle them better. I know my limits and what I'm capable of. I don't run away from those things because they make my life hard.

I'm done having a hard life.

There isn't any more time to spare on hate and anger.

"Jungkook! You coming?"

I look at the girl I've fallen in love with. She's calling for me and I really can't find it in me to hate life anymore. Because with her help, I've found a passion for living again.

"You finally ready," she asked with her hand outstretched for mine.

I grabbed her hand, lacing it together tightly and smiled, "I'm ready."

I'm ready for life.