Jungkook | Saved

8

I'm a little on edge today.

Namjoon has been supportive, but this time it's really on me. I'm the one who has to put in the effort. I mean, I have been putting in effort, but I just don't seem comfortable yet. Thankfully, Namjoon said that it was natural.

"Jungkook, when do you think Van Gogh knew he was going to cut off his ear? Like, that morning he did it? Or maybe a day before?"

Getting to this point hasn't been that hard. Not like what I thought it would be.

Easily enough we met at the entrance of the museum. She talked about how excited she was about coming because she's a really big art nerd. I told her about some of the things I've painted. And we've naturally been talking. Asking questions and answering them. I haven't felt the need to lie or anything.

It's really nice.

I cocked my head to the side as I looked at his portrait hanging on the wall of the art museum, "Maybe he didn't really think about it." I stared into the eyes of the painting, his eyes staring back. "Because I think a man in love doesn't really think rationally."

She glanced my way and smiled, "Yeah you're probably right. But that's totally crazy. Who does that for a girl? Or any loved one?" She stared at the portrait once more, "I mean, love is a little scary when you think of what people will do for love."

I frowned as I started walking to the next section of the museum, "Yeah... Scary."

"Is something wrong," she asked carefully as she followed behind me.

I shook my head, "No."

"Did I say something to upset you?"

"No," I said with finality.

She frowned and turned away. I'm clearly making her upset, but what am I supposed to do when all I can think about is my past? All I can think about is the girl I loved and how her crazy ass boyfriend killed her in the name of love.

I can't tell her that.

"You know.... I really like you Jungkook."

"What," I asked softly, doubting what I heard.

She stared straight ahead at a painting, but it didn't really seem like she was even looking at it. "I do, I like you. You're a pretty serious guy. A little rigid," she teased, "but it's nice. I just hope you know you can let your guard down around me."

"The last time I did that I fell in love."

Her head turned slowly, her heart fluttering as she looked at me, "You what?"

"....I should go."

"But we just barely got here and-"

"I know, I'm sorry," I bowed my head. "But... I should really go."

I barely managed to look into her eyes as I passed; it was enough to see her upset. But staying would only mean trouble. Because I felt myself wanting to let my guard down. And doing that is just not something I'm ready for. I can't. I won't.

It seems too fast.

Talking to her hasn't been fast. It's been a few months. But the way my body and my feelings react to her is too fast. It's almost like, because I was deprived so long of interaction, I'm jumping at the chance. And it's stressful.

What if something happens?

I hurry to leave the museum without looking back. Because looking back would mean having to face the disappointment on her face. And I can't do that. I already know I'm a disappointment, I don't need to see it on someone else's face to know.

"Jungkook wait!"

I halted for a second, hearing footsteps running, but I kept walking.

"I said wait!"

"You should go back. Go enjoy the museum!"

She ran faster to catch up to me, reaching out and pulling me by my shoulder, "The point in going was so that we could see it together! Or is that not what friends do?"

I stopped walking, more shocked that anything. "Friends?"

She huffed, a bit out of breath, "Yes. Friends. We're friends right?"

When did we become friends? When did that happen? Because it's only been a few months since I went back that third time at her work to apologize to her. It took me another five visits and another hundred dollars before she made fun of me and just suggested we see each other outside of her work.

Hence why I was even at a museum to begin with.

But was it at some point in those visits at her job that we became friends?

"Jungkook?"

I was brought out of my thoughts, seeing a sad look on her face. "I haven't had a friend in a long time. I only have one person who I call a friend. Other than that, there's no one. So um, I guess I'm just kinda shocked."

"You had said that you hadn't talked to a girl- or to anyone," she corrected herself, "-in a long time. But I thought things were going fine." She looked down and then to the side, "Part of becoming friends is getting to know each other. And... I'd like to get to know you more...."

I considered her words. And she's right. Making relationships is a process of give and take. But just how much are you supposed to give? How much do you take? Where's the guidebook for these things?

My mind is going a mile a minute and I have zero answers.

"Truth is... the reason I'm like this... serious and rigid... is because a long time ago I was assaulted," I saw her eyes start to shake, "....and the first girl I ever fell in love with died."

"That's.... That's horrible...."

"Serious, guard up, boring, mean, however you probably see me- it's just how I've come to be after everything and I'm-" I clenched my hands, digging my nails into my palms, "-not good at this. Friends. Talking. Whatever. I'm just not."

"No one is good at it, but we all try."

"You're good at it."

"What?"

"Yeah," I confirmed. I stepped around her but kept my pace slow enough so she wouldn't have to walk fast to keep up with me. "You're like my first love. She was friendly and outgoing just like you."

I could see it from the corner of my eye that she was slightly uncomfortable, but she did her best to speak up. "Friendly and outgoing... it's not something that comes naturally to me, you know. I'm sure your first love was like that too. It's something I have to work on."

Her words reminded me of Namjoon. Saying things like "it takes practice," and "we're all human."

"I know I'm awkward and stuff but.... I'd like it if we could be friends."

The smile she gave me sent chills down my body; but my heart was on fire.

"But we're already friends."