LIGHT ME UP ↝ Lucifer Morningstar

EIGHT.

FOR THE FIRST time in a long, long time, Benjamin Espinoza was speechless. He had no witty remarks, no curious questions, no fiery arguments — just a heart full of sadness, and teary eyes as proof of it. The nurse had attempted to explain further, but instead of listening to the little crumbs of information she had, Benjamin had asked her to leave, and done the same thing to Dan — the man, that wasn't even really his brother, wasn't welcome in the room. He wanted time alone, peace and silence. He wanted to swim in a pool of self-pity and darkness, submit to the developing ball of misery in the pit of his stomach.

He had grown in the same house with a man that seemed so loving and kind on the outside, only to hate Benji inside the four walls they were forced to share. Benjamin had never understood that, and Dan had sometimes tried to stand up for him to no avail, sometimes he just shrugged it off as a bad day or something equally foolish. Their mother never bothered to explain why it was, and while their father did take Benjamin to play baseball with him and Dan and got him Christmas presents, it was about the little things. Deep down, he never liked Benjamin, never saw him as a part of their family, and now Benjamin knew why. It was because he never was.

At this point, Dan would have told him that it didn't matter — even if they didn't have the same father, they did share a mother. Even better, they grew up together, did everything together, and although technically they were only half-brothers, it still meant everything to Dan. They were brothers no matter what, even if it was by bond and not by blood. But all Benjamin could focus on was the feeling of betrayal in his heart, the lack of love, the abandonment that dawned onto him.

He didn't know who his real father was, he didn't know where he was, and right now, he didn't want to. He just wanted to stuff his face with the food that Izzy had dropped off, and cry. He wanted to cry his eyes out, in the hopes that afterwards, his heart wouldn't ache the same way but he knew it would.

The rest of the day went pretty much like that — he was unwilling to see any family or friends, and in the night, he barely slept. He merely stared into the darkness and wondered what kind of a life he would have had if it had been with his real father — and why didn't he? Why wasn't this told to him before? Could have been happier with his biological father? Maybe he wouldn't have had to run away and search for home elsewhere. But then again, maybe he and Dan would have never become this close. Maybe he would have never met his niece and sister-in-law.

Those questions continued to haunt him as the sun rose and the nurses came to check on him, which was quite the mundane beginning to his day, but afterwards, something far less boring happened. A part of Benjamin wanted to insist that he wasn't in the mood for guests or any reminders of what a screw-up he was, but when the door opened and Lucifer stepped in, he forced himself to remain silent and allowed the man to enter. But, he figured that if anyone would understand him and the pain he was in, it was Lucifer. Whereas Dan and Chloe would only suffocate him with sympathy and sickeningly sweet reassurance, Lucifer was brutally truthful and didn't try too hard.