BBS One-Shots

Left Out

     #PolyBBS attempt right here.

Also, I'm sorry. But not really.

-Celcia

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     As much as Evan didn't voice it, because he never liked to tell other people his problems, he felt lonely. Despite all of his friends, boyfriends, really, being there for him, he was lonely. He was lonely, and scared that he was going to lose the only real family he'd ever had.

     Of course, Evan had parents. Everyone had parents, but his birth ones had died in a car accident.

     He'd gone to an orphanage until he was 15, where he was adopted by a family with three other kids, all older than him. They were only interested because they wanted someone to clean and help them around the house. He went to school, but he never really said anything to anyone. Then he'd gone off to collage, left the life he'd never wanted, and if he'd had worn some very short shorts and a shirt that wasn't baggy, you would see why.

     Eventually, though, he found solace in his roommate, Tyler.

     Tyler was, in Evan's mind, a gift to him from whatever gods there were. He made Evan feel like he was worth it, without ever having to tell him that he was. Then Evan had met the rest of his friend group, and they had kind of awkwardly explained the ploy relationship.

     Eventually, Tyler had admitted that he really liked Evan, and asked him if he would be interested in a relationship with him, as well as everyone else. At first, Evan had always stuck by Tyler, because he was nervous, but eventually he got used to all of these people that somehow loved him, and he loved them back. They'd all graduated, gotten their degrees, and got a large house to accommodate all of them.

     But Evan, ultimately, was lonely. Sometimes he felt like an intruder to something precious and perfect, to a relationship he shouldn't have stumbled upon.

     If the cuts on his thighs were anything to go by, Evan was in a state of depression and anxiety for a lot of his life, and having something so perfect in front of him that he didn't feel like he was apart of hurt him so badly.

     Evan cut more often then he used to, scolding himself for ruining the only image of perfection he'd ever seen. He cut for small little arguments that his boyfriends got into, both ones that did and didn't involve him, convinced that it was always his fault. He cried into his pillow on nights when he didn't sleep with his boyfriends. He punished himself by not eating, knowing that he needed to be better for them. Knowing that he was too fat and imperfect for anyone to ever love.

     But Evan would never say anything about how he felt, because he was too afraid to burden others with his problems. He never, ever told anyone about his negative feelings. He would only get pity, and he didn't want pity. He just wanted someone to include him into their life properly, to make him feel like he belonged, but even if they didn't, Evan would never say anything anyways.

     So, if anyone was to ask Evan if he was happy, he would say yes, smile and nod enthusiastically, then snuggle closer to whichever one of his boyfriends he was with, clinging to them without really clinging on. He would let himself be kissed, but never initiate it, knowing that it was probably only for show.

     When the time came that little groups would break off, like Lui and David, then Jonathan and Luke, leaving Brian, Brock, Tyler, Craig, and Evan behind, Evan knew what would happen. Brock and Brian eventually became their own couple, and as soon as they left to love each other as much as they could, Evan could feel it.

Evan could feel the guilt. He could feel the tension, and the anxiety hanging in the air like he wished his body would do sometimes.

Evan knew that Craig and Tyler were talking to each other more than they ever talked to him, so when they both came up to him with sad looks on their faces, and explained to him what they were doing, he simply nodded, knowing that this had been coming for a while. They were going to be their own couple, probably get officially married someday, adopt a kid, or maybe two, and live their lives as happy as they possibly could.

That's what everyone was doing, actually. Evan knew that Brock and Brian were engaged, their social media had told him that. Lui and David were sure to follow in their footsteps soon after.

Evan felt like he couldn't breath as he packed up his things, finally moving out of the house he'd lived in with his lovers, no, ex's, for a while. He had found an apartment a little while ago. He'd known this was going to happen, he'd just known. So, he packed up the few bags of things he owned and gathered them all, taking them out to his small, silver car.

He threw them into his backseat, knowing it was going to be unused. His eyes flicked over to Tyler and Craig, who were talking quietly. Craig looked up, making eye contact with Evan before Evan looked away.

Evan walked over to his side of the car, ready to get in, when he saw Craig walking over to him, leaving Tyler to pack up their bags. Craig stopped when he was about a foot away.

"I'm sorry this ended like this," Craig murmured softly.

"It's okay," Evan reassured quietly. "I understand."

"I-it's not okay, though. You're hurt. You... you don't deserve this."

"Then why did you let it happen?"

Craig swallowed heavily, looking away. "Please, take care of yourself, Evan."

"Why do you care what happens to me? You've got Tyler to worry about, not me." Evan looked away from the younger man. It had been nice to kiss him, when he had the chance, and the gentle touches that had been filled with warmth now burned his skin.

"Evan," Craig said softly, "please don't hurt yourself anymore. I know you do, but you don't deserve the hate you give yourself. I only wish I had the guts to mention it before now."

Evan felt the tears prick in the corners of his eyes. "I'll try." He was lying.

Craig gently grabbed Evan's shoulder and took a small step forward. He kissed Evan's cheek softly, gently, with care and a long-forgotten passion.

"Promise me that you'll talk to someone if it ever gets that bad, okay?"

"Okay," he lied again.

Evan watched as Tyler and Craig kisses each other passionately before getting into their car and driving off.

Evan left the house, knowing that everything else was arranged. He drove away, to his new apartment, but he knew it wouldn't last long.

     So, Evan was left alone again, and if he happened to accidentally take more pills than he needed to, or if he accidentally forget to eat for a week, or he accidentally falls off a bridge, or the top of his apartment building, none of his ex's would ever need to know. Especially not Craig or Tyler.