Pregnant - JAHSEH ONFROY/XXXTENTACION

chapter 2

-time skip lol sorry-

Leilahni ♡

Christmas went by, and I know about every song X has put out or has been featured in. My birthday is in summer, the date is June 6.

My Dad pretty much lets me do what I want, if I seem like I really want it or know that I need it. He likes to make me happy. It's how I got to dye my hair and get the tattoos.

I don't care about my mom, she's dead anyways. If she was still alive she'd not let me do any of this. She'd beat me till I was dead. Rot in hell bitch!!

She's one of the reasons why I've always been suicidal. Other reasons are just because its how I think and how I'm made. Life is meaningless. Fuck life.

"Demitri?!" I yell out, tossing the volleyball back to my friends to sit down so I can talk to him. I'll play with them when I'm done. If there's time ion know.

He makes the basket and yelled back what all while running towards the other side of the court as the other team player got the ball. He walked out after and jogged over. He sat down and wiped his forehead. Damn this nigga sweaty.

"I have to tell ya something." I sigh, and he just stared at me. "I won't see you after school's over."

"Why?" He asks, still staring. "I'm going to Florida after my birthday, then I'm gonna leave." I answer.

"What do you mean? Why the hell you goin to Florida?" He asks, moving up a bleacher to sit next to me. He ask way too many questions!!

"I'm gonna meet xxxtentacion-" I start and Demitri just grins "holy shit forreal? Damn nigga you gotta take pics." He laughs.

"Shut the hell up lemme finish. After that, probably like a week or just a day after I do I'm gonna watch the beach and be gone." I tell him, looking away and closing my eyes. I played with my fake nails, pulling them a bit.

"...what do you mean gone?" He asks, sounding serious.

"Imma be dead is what I mean, ya blind or somthin?" I ask, cocking an eyebrow and looking at him again.

"Leil.."

"What?"

He grabs my hand and his eyes look different. He's calm, and not crazy or chill and cool like he always is.

"Are you gonna kill yourself?" Demitri asked.

"Probably." I shrug my shoulders, putting my pink sleeves over my hands. "It's what I want."

After a bit of awakard silence I decided to just break it all to him.

"I'm nihilistic. I believe that life is meaningless. My life has nothing great, and I just don't wanna go through adulthood. It's completely normal. People die all the time, and it's just things that happen. Nothing to be serious about. It's my life, and I wanna control when my death will be." I finally tell him. He didn't say anything. Just looked down and tightened his grip.

"How long have you been depressed?" He asks, after some silence.

"I don't know. I guess since I was 12? When I turned 13 I wished to be dead by 18. All I wanna do is meet X, hug him and shoot myself or something at the pretty beach so that last thing I see is the waves. Sounds pretty great to me, I'm looking forward to it. Everyone dies one day, but usually people don't control how they die, and what they wanna look at when they die. But I hate that. So I wanna look at the waves when I die. I like being able to control things. " I confess. The bell rang and I grabbed my stuff, and walked out to go to history class.

Lunch came after, and I walked in listening to the song "Vice City". I was ready to go to my and my friends usual table, but someone grabbed my arm and I saw it was Demitri. He walked me to his table where all the dumbass popular guys are, in the back and had me sat down.

"The fuck are you doing?" I ask, putting my earplugs away. "Don't know. Just want you to sit here." He said.

"Yeah baby." Max, a dumb brunt black guy said and I roll my eyes. I put my stuff down and got up to go to the microwave and heat up some pizza I brought from home. I walked back over, Max hitting my ass. Oops. My shorts pulled up too much. Shit.

I pull them down down a little feeling stupid, then just started to eat my pizza. "Don't call me baby ya burnt charcoal." (2022 edit here! I am very sorry for what I wrote. At this time when I wrote this book I was in my 'racist is funny' phase and I apologise. I'm leaving it in the book though as to not hide it)

Everyone laughs and it made me smile a bit.

"Mann whatever." Yeah shut up Maxwell.

"So what you doin for the summer?" Asked Kaleb. I shrug, putting my pizza down. "I'm going to Florida to meet x and see the beach." I tell the guys at the table.

"Leil are you a virgin?" Max asks, I see Demitri kick him in the dick. "Not really." I answer.

"Wait what? What did you do?" Demitri asks surprised.

"I sucked some guys dick and he fucked me. But he had a condom on so I don't count that as fully." I answer.

"DAMN! When?" Max asked. "10th grade." I answer and laugh.

The rest of lunch goes on like that, and Max played a hard song of X on his  speaker he brought and it was pretty damn loud.

The rest of of the day was fun also, and I was kinda sad to leave.

-

sorry for the shitty ending and short chapter but X is coming in the picture soon!!!

buh byee