Pregnant - JAHSEH ONFROY/XXXTENTACION

chapter 11

(carry on is so deep yet intriguing I wanna hold someone to this . . )

Jahseh ♡

I woke up to see Leilahni still in bed.

"Leil?" I ask, and she turns to me. She doesn't give me a smile though. "Look, I'm sorry I wasn't here. I didn't know you'd get in so much pain . . I'm really sorry. I'll be here for now on."

She just gave a slight smile. "You don't have to be. It was a one time thing. I'll just go to bed earlier so it won't happen." 

"No. You're not telling the truth. It will happen again and you know it. A stripper- I mean ... a woman told me from her experience." I say, looking down at my hands.

"You were at a strip club ?" Leilahni asked, sitting up in bed.

"Yeah- but the woman refused to go on after I listened to your voice messages and she yelled at me. I don't wanna be that dick to let anything bad to happen, I don't want you to feel pained Leil." I sigh, taking her hand in mine.

"Oh.. but we don't have to sleep together. We always sleep separate, I know its what you want." Leilahni said, looking down at our hands.

"I never thought about it. I never really cared if we did or not, because every night when I came home I would come home drunk or stoned or just too tired to find my way to the bed. So I always slept on the couch." I tell her and she nods. 

"But coming home last night not stoned or drunk or anything at all, I realized how comfy and nice it was to have someone else in my bed. Someone to take in my arms... I won't feel pain."

-

Leilahni ♡

I listened to Jahseh's words carefully, he hasn't spilled his emotions out like this since the first time I came to his door. I've forgotten how depressed and numb he really is inside.

It did hurt me that he wasn't here for my aid . . but he didn't know about it on his part. He thought I would be fine, and I thought so too.

He lifts me up and has me sit on his lap, as we stare into each other's eyes. I keep staring, he leans closer, brushing his lips against mine. Just the simple brush make me flutter inside.

What am I feeling? I've never honestly felt like this before towards him.. why now?

I stare at him again.

Jahseh really is handsome, beautiful all over. Behind those dark eyes, you can see innocence. Behind those tattoos, those scars, you see a scared child wanting love. A matured teen, wanting to change the world, be a better person and to help everyone he can.

That's what I saw in that moment.

He was looking at me the way I looked at him. I wonder what he thinks about me? What does he see in me?

-

Jahseh ♡

We stared deep into each other.

Trying to figure each other out.

Silence filled the room.

I haven't ever been this close since .. since Geneva.

Could Leilahni be the one to fix me?

Fix my broken heart?

My shattered soul?

No. I'm not one anyone should love. I'm bad news.

I continue to stare deep into her dark eyes. I know she has secrets, secrets she wishes she can forget.

Behind her fine face, behind her beautiful looks, there's a lost girl. A little girl. A little girl with pigtails in, holding her teddy, wondering around lost.

I see a broken beaten up girl whose innocence was lost long time ago.

-

yaa that was a bit cringe and short, I'm so sorry ): 

I can only use laptop on weekends so that's also why I use shitty symbols like that sad face instead of emojis which sucks ass

I'm gonna post a new story tomorrow please check it out!!

tysm for the 50 votes I feel pretty admired (: