Regret

CHAPTER 1.

Wishing to be someone you want is something that we can't make it always. I mean, at my school there are some kids that play it cool and they don't accept you in their company if you are not like them. Silly, huh? But it's true. They call you names and you don't know how to react or if you have to. I hate it because I have always wanted to be part of them. They do many creative things everyday and they are a company with about 7-8 kids. The most popular, I guess. The problem is that before they are what they are right now they were a simple kids with one best friend just like me. They got a chance and became what they are now. Don't I deserve a chance too? I'm so tired of listening the names they are calling me and pretend that nothing has happened. 'Megan' I heard my mother's voice coming from downstairs 'The food is ready. Come down sweety before it gets cold' she continuous and I just reply with an 'Okay, I'm coming'. She probably wants to talk to me about what happened yesterday at school. Well, of what I've done.

'I'm here' I told her and sat on the chair opposite her. I don't really like the food she made for today but if I tell her she most probably start shouting at me telling me that I don't like any food. She won't be wrong but what can I do for it? I am difficult on this kind of stuff.

'Did you study for tomorrow?' she asks me and I keep digging my food with my fork. For a moment, I realize that she is starring at me so I look up at her.

'Ermm, no, not yet', I tell her back and I finally grab my first slice of potato and bring it to my mouth. It tastes nice I can tell. It's not so bad.

'Megan, you have left the school at the last few days. You weren't like this before. And you know it that I want you to bring me good marks, don't you?' 

'I know, mother, but try to understand me. The things at school gets worse. The subjects are getting more difficult and I just can't' I calmly say. How can I keep my temper if this happens every single day. She likes to cause mess. 

'I just want you to try. Only this.' she says and stands up.

'I'm going upstairs' I announce and leave the dining room.

I feel so relieved that she didn't mention of what happened yesterday. I had a really bad day at school because some guy just came over me and was like 'Just go away from here' and I lost my temper and fought with him. Some guys with that behaviour think that they can scary other people while it's so ridiculouc and the only thing it causes you is laugh instead of fear. Like hell, they are only 17.

...

'Ella, we need to go shopping after school. I have nothing to wear on Saturday'

'Someone is going to go out on Saturday, I heard?' someone from behind me spoke sarcastic. As I turn around I see the one and only who makes fun of me. Great.

'Is there any problem?' I ask the guy opposite me with the same tone on my voice.

'I thought you were all day and night on your room waiting for someone to take you out' he says and the other two behind him laugh.

'I am not like this. And guess what. I am going out tomorrow.' i tell him back.

'Woahh. This is so new to you I guess', he keeps bullying me in a way.

'Well, Liam, just stop it. You are so annoying.' 

'Thank you' he fires back and walks away.

This guy really gets on my nerves. It's the one I mentioned before. Okay, I admit that he is really good looking and I won't be one of the girls pretending that they don't like him because any girl in this planet wasn't born yet who doesn't like Liam Payne. The only problem with him is that he hardly falls in love with someone but if he does he is so sensitive and acts like a 5-year-old kid. I just hate the fact that I have to change for him. I have already started going to clubs and drinking. If my mother learns what I am doing she will kick me out of this planet. 

'Liam, is such an asshole' Ella finally speaks. Who knows if she was speaking while I was lost in my own thoughts.

'It's not something new' I say and check my watch to see what time is it.

'But you like him after all' she smiles like she feels sorry for me.

' I do though' i stay silent for a while. 'I will see you tomorrow night. Bye' I cross kiss her and I leave before it's too late and miss the bus and have to wait for 1 hour for the next.

I am so happy that it's Friday today. School is super boring and if I didn't have to ask my mother's permission I wouldn't wake up every morning to face a class with a teacher and pupils. The only reason I go to school it's for him, only for him and I would do whatever it takes to be with him. He might gets on my nerves sometimes, well, always, but I love him. I have a crush on him for 2 years despite the fact that the only thing he does to me is mocking me. Can I be at his company only for a few minutes if not forever? I need this.

We go at the same club every Saturday and he keeps thinking I am a dump because I am not getting drunk with him and because I am not playing their sick game 'Truth or Dare'. Actually, this game has a lot of fun but only when you don't cross the line. You just can't bet on someone as a 'dare'. It's so immature and bad at the same time. I don't wanna be their little game but if that needs to be in order to be one of them, then yes, I will do it. I will be their little game. His little game. Everyone wants to be like this even if they are trying to hide it. 

It hurts to think that he is out with so many girls. Some of these girls are my friends but we are not going out a lot. I trust them after all. I trust him. I am not even his friend but I feel like I can trust him. He is so honest with everything. He never lies. He always is in fights, he always saying bad words but he is honest and never lies. He is not afraid to tell the truth. That's what I like on him. My idea for tomorrow [Saturday] is to change my appearance and turn into someone he won't be able to comment about. But only for the Saturday. I can't change. It's one of the things I can't do! 

Why do I have to do all these changes in order to be liked? Why do I have to be a perfect person in order to be accepted? Why do I have to be the person they want me to be? Someone that if I turn into, it will take me ages to get used to it. I am so bored of this. 

Songs I heard while writing this: 

Let Her Go- Passenger

Human- Christina Perri

Animals- Martin Garixx

Impossible- James Arthur

Recovery- James Arthur