Beneath the Surface

Chapter 9

The walk  in the park with Arnesto really did clear my mind, maybe a little too much. All my troubles seemed to temporarily disappear. When I was with him, I forgot about everything. I forgot about swim team  practice, about my friends, and about my parents. All this forgetting landed me in big trouble.

Since I forgot that I was supposed to be at practice at the school tonight ,I never told my father that Arnesto was going to drive me home tonight. Or that I wasn't going to be up at the school. So he drove up to the school to pick me up, and I wasn't there.

After waiting an extra half hour and still no sign of me, he saw the coach heading out to his car and asked Brent where I was. The look my father gave him when Brent told him that he didn't know probably could have lit a thousand forests on fire. My last known location was before I stormed out of practice, before it had even started.

 At this moment, I'd like to believe he had been worried about what happened to me and that is all. But then Brent kept talking. He also mentioned that Arnesto did the same thing. That one sentence is what got me in trouble. It din't take much for my dad to put two and two together. The fact that I ran off with some boy is like the ultimate crime. I hadn't told my parents about us dating yet and now I'm stuck in a hole I will probably never get out.

 For apparent reasons, I was home long before he was. After sitting around the hose for awhile, it finally  hit me why he wasn't home. I anxiously waited, not knowing how angry he would be when he walks through the door. When we both are finally  home,  I am lectured for an hour about skipping practice to be with some boy that my parents didn't know about. My father was furious. No, he ws beyond furious, 

He said to me, and I quote: "I should have known! You're turning into a slut you know. And I don't even know how. You're no where pretty enough to even be considered. Who would ever want anything to do with you? Is that boy blind?  You can't afford to be missing these practices. Even when you do go, the best you ever amount to is 5th place. You ll never amount to anything if you keep this up. I paid good money for you to be on that team and you're just throwing it all away. You're such a whore. Why don't you just go to your room and think about why you're nowhere near good enough to be called my daughter."

 After that, I went to my room and here I am now sobbing violently into my pillow. My whole life,  I  have just wanted be accepted my parents. I want them to be proud of me. I want them to love and care about me. I want to be a part of a real family,  but I'm in high school now and I realize that silly dream will probably never happen.

Tonight has just been one big catastrophe. Just when I'm thinking my life can't get any worse, my phone starts going off. It was my friends. Andy and Erin are very pissed off at me because I didn't tell them about how serious me and Arnesto were. I tried to explain I was planning on telling them after practice, but there was no getting through to them. They will only believe what they think they know. It's pretty much useless to even try to give them my side of the story.

Arianna was a totally different problem on the spectrum. Arianna was extremely upset with me for running away from my problem instead of facing them. "Skipping practice for something so stupid? Completely unacceptable. I expect better from you." I didn't mean or want to disappoint her. I was just living how I felt in the moment. 

It just seemed like everything in my world was falling apart. The team was teasing me. My friends are upset with me. My parents hate me. I've never felt this terrible in my life.

After what seemed like a lifetime of crying, Arnesto texted me.

"Hey. How ya feeling?"

"Not so hot;("

"Why? what's wrong? "

"Everything."

He then called me and I told him everything that was wrong. This itself was a hard task. I had to talk quietly and quickly, so as not to get my phone taken away by my parents. Even so, it took almost 20 minutes to get it all out. For some reason, the call just left me even more upset even though I felt like i had just got a lot off my chest

I don't know why I did it, but  while Arnesto tried to say comforting things to me through the phone, I completely ignored him. Instead, I reached for a bottle of pills I had hidden away in my dresser drawer.  All I remember is taking them and hearing Arnesto calling to me from the phone.