Beneath the Surface

Chapter 10

I wake up in a hospital bed. The room is too bright. Everything is white and clean. Machines doing god knows what are hooked up everywhere, some beeping periodically. I'm lost and confused, not really sure what's going on or how I even got hear. All I know is that I'm sore and thirsty. 

After what seemed like a few seconds of looking around, I become aware of the things touching me.  I feel lots of chords and tubes, but I also feel someone touching me. I look up a little to see who it is. It turns out to be Arnesto and he is holding my hand. I can see the worry in his eyes, but he lets out a huge sigh of relief when he sees I'm awake.

"You had me so worried, babe" he said, getting up to hug me. He gently places his arm across me. He leans in close to me, and I notice the wet spots on his shirt below his damp face. He must have been crying. He pulls away and looks me straight in the eyes. "Don't you ever scare me like that again."

"Like what?" I ask. I still have no clue what is going on. I feel like a little kid that has wondered off in the grocery store. "I honestly have no idea how I got here."

"Sleeping pills." He looked me in the eyes again, this time holding my stare even more intensely. I don't think I've ever seen him look so serious. He begins to recount what he knows abut what happened."You started taking them while you were on the phone with me. I didn't know what you were doing at the time, but I could hear the bottle. At first I didn't think much of it,  but then when you stopped answering, I began to panic. You hadn't hung up, so I thought you might have fallen asleep, but then I heard you moaning in pain so I called 9-11. The ambulance probably came to pick you up and then I found you in a room hear a few hours ago. I've been waiting in this chair ever since. I was praying that you would be okay. "

"Oh. "

"That's all you have to say?" He looked at me concerned, possibly with a hint of anger.

"Oh my?" I tried. I really don't know what else to say at the moment.

" This is very serious babe. Why would you even think of killing yourself?" I can see tears forming in his eyes again. This whole situation is making him extremely vulnerable. "Just the thought of losing you is too much for me to handle."

I started to cry too. Even though I don't really recall what I was doing or feeling last night, I know I've been in that same place before. In the last few months that my depression has been affecting me,  I have never really thought about how my actions would effect other people. I've just always assumed that no one would really care if I ever just disappeared, but here in front of me is the physical proof that I am totally wrong. It makes me feel awful. "I'm sorry honey. I, I didn't mean to upset you so much. I don't know why I did it. It was just such a bad day. And I just wanted it be over. I, I never meant to overdose. " 

"Just promise me you won't do it again", Arnesto says, reaching for my hand again. 

" I, Lillian Johnson,  swear by this here pinkie that I will never ever do that again". I lift my pinkie to him and he takes it with his. we wrap our pinkies around each others for a few seconds before we release. 

Shortly after, a nurse walked in to the hospital room along with my mother. The nurse quickly  took my vitals. I wish the nurse could have taken longer. Being with my mother right now stirs up dread in my stomach as I try to prepare myself for whatever might come out of her mouth.

 But no. The nurse quietly leaves the three of us alone in the room. After she has been gone for 5 seconds, my mother looked at Arnesto  with a slight hint of distain in her eyes. "So you must be the boy." She gives him a quick look over and reaches her hand out to shake his, but a way that appears she obviously doesn't want to touch him. She tries to smile anyhow. "Pleasure to meet you, I just wish it was under different circumstances," she says in her usual stuck up voice as she gives me a side glance.

Arnesto  doesn't notice and gives a genuine smile. He introduces himself and reaches out his hand to hers , and she barley shakes with him. Leave it to my mom to act like a diva 24-7. I don't know how the people she works with can possibly tolerate her attitude all day.

After a few minutes of talking to Arnesto,  trying to get to know him (or possibly trying to figure out why on earth he is here) she suggests that he should go get something go eat in the good court.

Once Arnesto reluctantly leaves, my mother speaks to me "Such a nice boy. Handsome, smart , well mannered. Quite charming.  He deserves someone far better than you."

I look at her, stunned , unable to believe what she's just said. Even while I'm laying on a hospital bed, obviously emotionally vulnerable and in need to regain some sort of confidence, she is still putting me down. Typical. I can't remember the last time she said something kind to me. I hope maybe after that she'll just drop the topic, but the feeling of dread comes back into the pit of my stomach.

She continues on. "Arnesto was it? Or whatever. That boy is so dedicated. He spent the whole day sitting at your bedside waiting for you to wake up. Such a sweet gesture. He seems like he actually cares about you.  Too bad you don't deserve it."

"Oh mother. You always know how to make me feel better" I say being as sarcastic as I can. Maybe she'll take this as a hint to just leave already.

 On the contrary. It appears as though she didn't even hear my comment. She just keeps on going. "Oh I believe that's quite evident in your appearance. You always had to ask for seconds, didn't you? and now look at you. You're so fat I can't believe anyone would ever even think to take an interest in you. You absolutely  disgust me." My mother looks at me as though I'm just a pile of horse shit she found on the front porch.

I'm in the middle of looking for something to throw at her when I hear a voice from the door ." I happen to think she is quite beautiful." It was Arnesto, coming once again to save the day.  I give him a smile of relief, thankful to not be alone with her anymore. 

A doctor happened to be behind Arnesto  and suggested my mother leave to come talk to him about a few things. She got up and left, never visiting me the rest of the day (thank god).

Once I was alone with Arnesto again, the tears started flying. He quickly comes up and sits next to me on my bed, taking me into his arms. " Oh my goodness! I am so sorry, sweetie. I didn't know it was like that," Arnesto says, pulling his arm around me tighter. " If I had known that was going to happen, I never would have left.  How could anyone treat a girl like you so terribly. She's the one that doesn't deserve you.  She doesn't appreciate what she has. You're amazing and any mother would be proud to have you for a daughter ."

I look at him and offer him a smile, but I'm too depressed to say anything.  I think Arnesto senses this so he doesn't try to force me to. He just lets me fall asleep in his lap, which was more than fine with me.

*************************

A few hours later, Arianna, Andy and Erin found their way to my room. I had only just woken up from my recent nap when they quickly filled my room with sound.

Apparently  from what I gathered, Arnesto had texted coach Brent that the three of them needed to be excused from practice to see me in the hospital. It was the doctor's order. Normally, I wouldn't think Coach would allow them to just leave, but I have a feeling that Bent thought he might be the oe responsible for what happened to me since I disappeared yesterday while he was supposed to be supervising me. Maybe it was the guilt, or maybe he was just having a moment of sympathy for me. Either way, I was grateful to have my friends here with me.

They were very concerned  for my health, They easily forgave the troubles of yesterday.  However, the looks in there faces told me that they thought they were the cause behind all this.  It took a lot to convince them this wasn't their faults. 

When we were all finally on the same page, a doctor came in with some paperwork saying I could be released in about an hour. 

We filled out the papers and I got to leave. I was more that ready to get out of there. Arnesto drove me home and I promised him I would be safe. Just before I got out of the car, I kissed his cheek and thanked him for everything.