Caffeine withdrawal

You're better off without me

It's a pretty slow day at work today which is shocking. However Yoongi takes joy in this since now he can sit behind the counter for once. It's nice not having to take photos of people every once in a while. The bell from the door rings telling Yoongi a customer has entered. When Yoongi looks up he sees it's Jae. "Looks like I'm visiting at a good time huh?" He says walking up to the counter. Yoongi nods, continuing to play around in photoshop. Jae moves to hold a few strands of Yoongi's hair. "We gotta redye this already." He says and Yoongi hums. "Yea." He says.

"You good frosty? You seem awfully quiet." Yoongi shrugs not thinking much of his behavior. "It's a quiet day so I'm trying to fit my mood with the day." He reasons and Jae nods. The bell rings once more and both look to the door. As Jae moves his hand away from Yoongi's head the younger feels his blood run cold. "W-welcome, if you need any help please feel free to ask me for it." He says trying to play it cool but the two people already know it's him. For a bit they have a staring contest of some sorts. Yoongi can't stop looking at them and Namjoon and Seokjin can't stop looking at him. Eventually Namjoon clears his throats and the two walk further into the store. "You know them or somethin frosty?" Jae whispers and Yoongi swallows dryly. "Yea, from back in Korea." His voice is shaky and Jae takes notice. He leans closer to Yoongi looking him dead in the eye. "You want me to get Joan?" He asks but Yoongi shakes his head. "I need to be professional and letting personal things get in the way of business isn't professional." Jae nods.

Another clearing of the throats makes Jae pull away from Yoongi. "I'll be at the donut shop down the street frosty, call me if you need anything." Yoongi nods and watches as the older leaves. Soon the couple is in front of Yoongi. "Yoongi." Namjoon says. "Seokjin Hyung, Namjoon." Yoongi returns. They have another staring contest that's too awkward for Yoongi's liking. Tears form in his eyes as he looks down trying to hide them.

"Don't tell me you're crying?" Seokjin says and Yoongi bites his lip. He shakes his head trying to play off all cool and chill but a tear lands on one of his papers. He feels too overwhelmed with everything. "Don't you think we should be the ones crying Yoongi? All you did was run away and leave us like we were nothing to you." Namjoon says. "N-no it's not like that. It was my fault.. my fault that all of that happened. You'd just be better off without me. There's no one ruining the mood because they're always grumpy and I'm not bothering you guys with my depression either anymore. Let's face it I was a parasite that was killing off the group. What happened those months back made me realize it even more." Yoongi is holding on to the hem of his shirt tightly as more tears fall. "You're better off without me." He continues.

"Can you stop being selfish brat for s moment and think about what you're saying? Stop thinking about yourself and just think about the group for a moment. Everything is breaking down right now, especially Tae. So maybe just look at the group as a whole and not just the affect you're putting on it." Seokjin tells Yoongi and the younger only feels worse for his actions. "You must come back home Yoongi, you'll have to eventually." Namjoon adds. Yoongi feels shaky as the two leave the store. He's never felt so much hatred radiate off people before. "I wanna die." Yoongi mumbles to himself in the empty store. For a moment Yoongi thinks about bashing his head in against the desk. 'It wouldn't be so bad.' He thinks to himself.

Seconds later Jae enters. "I lied I went to get pizza instead I thought you might need it." He says holding a box of said cheesy goodness(I swear this book is my excuse to talk about my love for pizza.) "No thanks, I'm not really hungry right now. Plus it's not my break so I can't even eat anyways." Jae nods looking at the box. "When you're done with work do you want to come by my place? We can watch bad romcoms eat pizza and accidentally fall asleep on the couch only to wake up and regret it." Jae asks and Yoongi shrugs. "Sounds good I guess." Jae nods.

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"Oh yea."

"I thought you said romcoms." Yoongi says and Jae shrugs. "I think really random YouTube videos will work just as well." He says and Yoongi looks back to the scream. "Remind me how people find the koolaid man bursting through the wall funny?" Yoongi asks and he's given another shrug. "Hey what's this?" The older asks clicking on another video. A music video starts playing and Yoongi instantly recognizes the tune. "let watch something else please." Yoongi asks. "So that was you in the thumbnail frosty? Now I definitely gotta see this." Yoongi can feel the panic growing inside of him as the music video to Cypher part one plays. Jae looks very hyped but that doesn't make Yoongi feel any better. He can feel his stomach churn, the pizza not sitting with him well. Before he knows it he's rushing to the bathroom and emptying the contents of his stomach. He can feel Jae rubbing circles in his back to calm him down. "Yoongi you ain't doin so hot these past few days, maybe you're getting sick." Jae says.

"I'm getting sick of life as a whole." Yoongi says moving back from the toilet. "Yoongi..." Jae starts as he grabs a wash cloth and wets it under warm water. "I can't... I don't... I don't know what I would do if you..." Jae pauses cleaning Yoongi's face to look into his eyes. "You're my.. best friend and if I could deal with you.." Jae pauses hesitant to say the last word. "Dying." Yoongi says so easily it scares Jae. The older is in to much to shock to say anything. "Not that hard of a word to say Jae." Yoongi continues. "People do it every day. People get close to it every day. Shit happens to everyone, everyday. The difference is how you respond." Yoongi tries to stand up but his legs are too shaky to. He stumbles forward but Jae is quick to catch him. The holder holds him like it's the last time he ever will. "Jae it-" "Please don't. I don't think I can handle it." The older says and Yoongi decides he should listen to someone for once instead of being so rash.
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Y'all don't understand how many of these chapters are filled with my legit emotions like there's parts of these past three books that have started off as me ranting in my notes and then they become chapters. Like the first book was birthed from a rant I wrote about how I can't get a hold of my coffee addiction and somehow we got here
-kyl