Caffeine withdrawal

Love is not over

Taehyung had decided he would surprise Yoongi by finishing the unpacking before he got home from work. He felt bad that the older had to work right after moving in but he knew this was the norm for pre-comeback time. He told himself he'd try to put dinner together as well if he had the time. He wanted the older to just relax, maybe play a bit with Holly or snuggle. He smiled at the thought of Yoongi curled up against him as he pet Holly. It made him look forward to the older being home even more, he just wishes it could come sooner.

He sighs as he picks up another box to move over to the kitchen table. As he turns he knocks over a box he didn't realize was so close to him. As it falls to the floor on its side, a bunch of notebooks and papers slip out of it. Instantly Taehyung can conclude it's all a bunch of Yoongi's music and lyric books. Putting down the box he was carrying he goes to put everything back in the box. Yet, picking up some of the papers he realizes they're not lyrics, they're letters. When he sees a 'dear Taehyung' he can't help but read it.

'Dear Taehyung,

It's only been a day but I miss you. I don't know why I'm writing this, I know I won't ever send it to you. I already know I made a dumb decision, I think I always knew it. I'm just too scared that by being there I'll hurt you in some way. Maybe if I had thought this through more I wouldn't be in the middle of Central Park begging for you to be here with me. I miss you with all my might. I want to be your arms again, I want to see your cute smile, I want to hear your laugh. But I left and you probably hate me so much you'll never want to see me again.
                     I'm sorry, Yoongi.'

Taehyung's heart hurts as he reads the letter. Carefully he puts it in the box before going back to putting the rest of the papers and books away. However his curiosity grabs hold of him again as he sees one of the notebooks had opened up when it fell out. The page is filled with random lyrics that Yoongi must've jotted down for later use. As he scans the page with lines catch his eye. "Love is so painful. Goodbyes are even more painful." Taehyung read out, a lump forming in his throat. Taehyung closes the book softly before putting it away in the box as well. Looking over at the pile of papers, he decides to read just one more before putting them all away and leaving the box alone. So he picks up the paper on top and begins to read.

'Dear Taehyung,
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I didn't mean it I promise I'm so sorry I shouldn't have done this I shouldn't have done anything should've been gone years ago. I can't die now you'd hate me too much then. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm such an awful person someone like you shouldn't have some toxic like me in your life ever. What was I thinking things could work out? Why am I like this?
               I'm so so so sorry, Yoongi.'

Taehyung finds it hard to read the end because his tears are making his vision blur. The edges of the paper have something red on it and Taehyung tries really hard not to think it's blood. The thought that Yoongi put himself down this much makes him feel horrible. The thought that Yoongi still thinks this way of himself sends a shiver down his spine. Taehyung can't bare to look at the letters anymore and quickly puts them in the box before going back to the one he had originally picked up. He puts it on the table and wipes his eyes with his sleeve, trying to cheer himself up so Yoongi doesn't worry over him.

He looks at the clock and realizes it's only two thirty four. He's still got a couple of hours until Yoongi comes home. It's both relieving and saddening at the same time. Sure he has plenty of time to calm himself down and look fine before the older gets home. However at the same time he's not here and Taehyung really isn't ok with that. It's almost crippling the idea that Yoongi isn't here and won't before a while. The idea of Yoongi not coming back brings him to the ground in a panicked state. He brings his knees to his chest, taking in short and heavy breaths. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he should call someone and eventually it brings itself to the surface.

Digging through his pockets to find his phone he feels his wallet and instantly remembers what's inside. Hastily, he pulls he wallet out from his pocket and opens it so he can take the photo of Yoongi out of it. He cries more when he sees Yoongi's face, so scared that he might be gone again. He holds the photo close to his chest, leaning against one of the cabinets in the kitchen. He cries pitifully, wishing only to have Yoongi with him at that moment. The only thing that distracts him is the soft pattern of paws against the hard wood floor. Soon Holly is in front of him, going straight into Taehyungs lap and licking his arm affectionately. He smiles at the dog, thankful for the comfort.

Holly barks and Taehyung wonders if he's trying to ask if he's ok. "Don't worry about me, I'm just being a bit irrational." He tells him, petting the pup softly. Holly licks his hand once more, and Taehyung laughs at the ticklish feeling. He uses his other hand to wipe away his tears, even though new ones instantly replace them. Holly moves out of his lap before chasing their tail. Taehyung laughs shakily, still uneasy. He brings his knees to his chest, trying to calm down just a bit.

He thinks about if he should tell Yoongi about his break down. At first he doesn't like the idea of making the older worry about him. But his memory likes to remind him that Yoongi made a promise not to keep things like this to himself so Taehyung should do just the same. He frowns but comes to the conclusion that it's better if he were honest to the older. However he has time until that happens, so for now he might as well calm himself down completely. Shakily, he stands up. "Come on Holly, let's go cuddle for a bit." He says, starting to walk to his and Yoongi's shared bedroom.

Saying it reminds him of when he had first gotten Holly. Before teaching the pup any tricks Taehyung has accidentally gotten her to come and cuddle him everytime he said the word. It may have been unintentional, but it was nice nonetheless. It reminded him of days where he missed Yoongi to the extreme and just wanted him in his arms again. Days where he'd come home ready to cry only to get Holly to come cuddle with him. The current situation was all too familiar with Taehyung. However he tried to remind himself it was different now. Yoongi would be home soon, like he always is. As he laid on his bed to told himself to just be a bit hopeful and everything would be alright. Closing his eyes, he just barely believed himself.

When he wakes up he feels cold. Instantly he notices that Holly is no longer there. He frowns, opening his eyes to check the time. Seeing it's a little after six he remembers Yoongi should be home by now. He opens the door as he hears Holly bark. "Holly we have to keep quiet, Tae is sleeping." He hears Yoongi say in a hushed tone. A smile slowly spreads on his face as he enters the kitchen. He walks to where he's behind Yoongi and wraps his arms around the older, resting his head on the others shoulder. Yoongi jumps before smiling. "I didn't know you were awake." He says. Taehyung hums, closing his eyes again and taking in the scene. "I love you." Taehyung says. "I love you too."
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HI DONT WORRY IM NOT GONE FOR GOOD AGAIN. I was gonna publish this like last week but I felt like it was too short so I added more. Truth be told I feel like it's still not finished but I know where it's at it can also stand on it's own. But hey, I'm on spring break! So maybe I'll get to write during this time but I don't know if I'll get to publish anything :/.
Thank you for reading
-kyl