Why Dont We Imagines||Wattys2018

Without you||Jack Avery

{Deals with mentions of depression and suicide, could possibly be triggering but this has an extremely important message at the end}

___

The doctor walked over to Jack and the boys with a sour face and said "Please excuse me for the words that I'm about to say". After that it was like the world went silent to your boyfriend of 3 years Jack, he could no longer hear anything but he could read the doctors lips "Im sorry for your loss"he read as the doctor told the boys that you didn't make it. Jack's knees went weak as he fell to the cold hospital floor, loud breathy sobs leaving his lips, he had been blaming himself since he had come home to find you in the bathroom, if only he had come home sooner-but macbook shopping had been 'important' that day. It was all his fault, he couldn't help but blame himself.

If only you had been there to tell him it was anything but his fault, he was the reason you had hung on for so long.

Jack hardly came out of the room you two had once shared almost every night, after he had gotten off the ground of the hospital and the boys drove him home. He didn't eat, he slept all the time and if he wasn't sleeping he was crying. The band had come out the next day with a statement saying they would be taking some time off. Jack didn't have energy to go to the bathroom anymore, there was no one he could make music.

If only you had been there to make him eat, to make him take a shower, to make him feel okay again.

None of the boys were the same after you were gone, one of them had to tell your parents that their baby was gone, one of them had to tell your best friend that you weren't here anymore, two of them had to listen to their best friend and bandmate sob into the pillow that smelled like your shampoo.

If only you had been there to make everything easier for them, like you had been doing since you had started dating Jack.

Your parents had to sit down that night, they had to ask your 11 year old brother to take a seat and they had to do it without tears falling down their face while they told him that you weren't here anymore.

If only you had been there to play ball with him and take him for ice cream, like you had done his whole life whenever he was upset.

You're mom and dad weren't okay after you had passed. Your dad worked late hours, hating the silents he faced when he walked through the door. The fighting had started between the two of them- everything and anything was one of their faults, but really the fighting was just a way of hiding how broken they were without you. Your brother hid in his room everyday, eventually he stopped going to school and turned to drugs.

If only you had known you were what held the family so tightly together.

Although you didn't know it, you were the sunshine in so many peoples lives, you made their days better, you were so fucking important to them.

Everyones lives changed once you were gone, classmates who had always wished they had the nerve to talk to you and become friends, were now heartbroken. Your best friend had to switch schools, because she couldn't handle going to her locker which was next to yours and knowing you'd never open it again, she had wished she would have sent you a text, a text that could have saved your life.

Jack never got back into singing after you were gone, he couldn't continue living his dream knowing the girl he wanted to share it all with was gone.

You didn't think you had an impact on peoples lives, maybe it was because the depression was really blocking their love, maybe it was because they didn't show you the way they should have while you were here, but you did. You had a huge impact on so many people, you were loved and cared for by so many and suffering the loss of you was more than some could handle.

If you were still here, you'd see how many people loved and adored you-maybe you had suffered a lot in your young life and you thought it was the answer, but that was because you couldn't see clearly into the future to see the amazing life you could have, the life you would have had.

You were so loved and so cared for, you just couldn't see it.

____

Im here to tell you that in no way is suicide the answer, You are loved, You are cared for and although you can't see it you are the glue that holds so many things together.

Your life will get better one day, one day crying every night won't happen, feeling numb and alone won't happen, one day you'll prove every hater and bully wrong when your living your successful life and they are working at the movie theatre.

I care for you, I love you, Im here for you, so please promise me that if you are ever having these thoughts you'll re-read this and if this doesn't work you'll message me.

You are so incredibly strong and you have so much value, don't let the darkness win.

As someone who struggles with this topic often, Im reaching out to tell you that you're gonna be okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe not in a week or even a month. but one day getting out of bed will be easier, taking a shower won't be a struggle, getting dressed and leaving for the day won't give you a panic attack, and one day you will feel the love you fully deserve, I promise.

-Lis
10|01