The Edge of Everything

Chapter Five

Rey was in heaven at dinner that night. She had her favorite people surrounding her and she looked like a queen holding court at the head of the table. I smiled as she rambled on talking about her birthday and other things. My little girl was happy, I couldn't believe it but she was really happy.

Cassian sat to her left and I was on her right. Rhysand talked more about his lawyer and the friends he had at the station. He told me he would ask if one of them would keep a close watch on the house. I knew it was more for Feyre than it was for me. My sister also refused to let Rhysand talk her into staying at his house. This was our home, no one would bully us out of it.

I guess we had gotten our stubborn will from our mother. Because lord knows our father ran at the first sign of trouble.

Halfway through dinner something changed. Cassian was laughing with Feyre, telling her some story I had long forgotten. Watching him hurt my heart, because he fit into this family flawlessly. He always had, because he had always been here. It should've been him, Rey and I should've picked him from the very beginning.

It was Rhysand's words that rattled around in my head as I felt the anger inside my chest. I took in a breath, not sure why but I felt the need to pick a fight. I felt the need to direct my anger at someone and I decided that someone should be the one person who's helped me through this entire ordeal.

Cassian was helping Rey eat the rest of her peas when he cleared his throat. She giggled as he blew air through his lips and wiggled the spook in front of her mouth. We all watched the two and I felt torn between angry and sad. It was all too familiar, trying to battle both those emotions.

Dinner was filled with Feyre telling us about her newest painting and Rhysand complaining about another employee at work. Cassian nodded and listened to both of them, giving them responses when necessary. I couldn't seem to focus. Ever since Rey's birthday I couldn't focus on anything. I couldn't stop thinking about Tomas and everything that could go wrong.

I ate my food as they talked around me. It was like they knew I was having trouble and so they didn't press me to get involved. I hated this, I hated that I couldn't even be with my friends anymore without wondering if he would show up here again. I couldn't stop wondering if he would try and hurt me or hell if he would try and hurt Cassian if he thought we were together.

I didn't even understand why he became obsessed with me. I'm sure there were other girls who were actually attracted to him. I thought he had moved on the moment he left. Actually I had been relieved when someone mentioned him dating someone at whatever school he ended up at. I thought that meant he was finished here and I would never see him again.

"Nesta," Feyre's voice pulled me from my thoughts, "hey you okay?"

I swallowed the bite I had taken, barely tasting my food, "yeah," I forced a smile as Rey watched me, "I'm fine."

My sister wasn't convinced, but she took my answer. Rhysand and Cassian were talking about some game that was on later this week. I closed my eyes and felt the start of a headache. I just needed to be alone, I needed to feel as if I could protect myself. I wasn't sure how that would happen, but I needed everyone to stop watching me so closely.
The walls were moving in. Panic started to fill my body again.

"So Feyre Rey asked if I could stay tonight. Is that okay with you?" Cassian leaned back in his seat as Rey stuck her lower lip out.

"Did she now?" My sister raised an eyebrow.

Rey nodded and clapped her little hands together, "Ashian sdory!"

Feyre laughed, "I mean. Only if Nesta is okay with it."