The Edge of Everything

Chapter Eighteen

I didn't sleep at all that night. I sat on the couch and listened as the cops tried to find them. After my phone call he shut off all devices that could be tracked. He didn't use his credit card again, it was like he vanished from the town. The police searched his parents home, his sister's apartment. They couldn't find him, they had no idea where he had gone.

I felt sick every time they turned over a rock and it was empty. My heart shattered with each hour that passed and my daughter wasn't back home with me. Cassian kept me in his arms but that didn't help. He tried to make me eat, but I wasn't hungry. My stomach was in knots and I knew if I put anything in it it would all just come back up. So I refused.

Then he tried to get me to lay down. He thought sleep would help me, but I was stubborn. I wouldn't do what he wanted. I sat there and ignored his pleads, staring at the phone waiting for it to light up. I just wanted my little girl back.

At some point during the evening Cassian brought me Rey's dragon, the one he bought her when she was born. She never slept without it. It was a permanent fixture beside her in her bed. He named her Abraxas and she cried whenever she couldn't find him. Seeing the stuffed dragon made my heart hurt even more. My chest tightened as I wrapped my arms around the stuffed animal. Because she didn't have him, she wouldn't be in her own bed tonight.

Cassian sat back down beside me and pulled me into his lap. I laid with my body pressed against his, my head on his chest. He had his arms around my back, drawing lazy circles on the skin he found under my shirt. He had set us up for the night, he knew I wasn't moving until Rey found her way back home. I took in a deep breath, I was exhausted. But I refused to sleep, I refused to close my eyes.

I felt his lips press against the top of my head as the only noise that played around us was the static of the radios and the cops conversing with each other about what else they could do to find him. Feyre and Rhys had gone to meet with the lawyer, and to see if one of Rhys's friends could help search for her.

I held Abraxas in front of me, his black fabric was worn from years of use. Years of cuddles and tears. Rey had chewed on it when she started to grow her teeth, the green eyes were faded from age. But he was loved, so loved that I couldn't believe she would sleep an hour tonight without him.

"Do you think she's scared?" I asked quietly as he ran his fingers down my arms. My voice was soft, I hadn't spoken in what felt like hours, "do you think he'll put her to bed? She's probably wondering where I am. She can't sleep without you or me, Cass."

The sobs started as he held me. I buried my face in his chest, "I'm sure she's okay, Tomas is a monster but she's a child. I'm sure he took her home and he'll put her to sleep. She's strong, Nesta. Like her mom."

I nodded my head, my tears staining his shirt. My heart hurt as I imagined her sleeping in his bed, or on his couch. I hated that she was even there with him, "I never saw this happening. I just wish I knew she was okay. He's never been around a little girl. Rey, she can't sleep without Abraxas. I can't sleep without her."

"Shh," Cassian kissed my forehead as he kept running his fingers up and down my back. It was soothing, but the sobs didn't stop as I closed my eyes and cried. I thought I was all out of tears, I thought it wasn't possible for someone to house as many tears as fell from my eyes. But they kept falling as more fears, more scenarios played inside my head.

I held onto him tightly, "she's innocent. This is a scar she'll always carry."

Cassian sighed, "no. She won't remember it. Because we will make sure she never has to see that man again."

Focusing on Cassian's heart beat was the only thing that calmed me down. I must have fallen asleep at some point because I woke up in my own bed. People were talking, voices floated in and out my ears without landing in my head. My pillow was solid and warm. Words vibrated from his chest as he ran his hand up and down my back.