The Edge of Everything

Chapter Ten

Life has an interesting way of surprising you. One minute you think you've got a handle on the things it wants to throw at you. You think you're doing well and that everything will stay in the peaceful state it is in. But then something happens, be it big or small, and throws you off your game. It changes you and you start to wonder how you'll ever achieve that sense of normalcy again.

That's what it felt like when after I kissed my best friend.

It was as if my entire life had been changed, as if I was a new person waking up in the same body I had lived in for twenty years. He was still my best fried, but instead of wondering when he would make me laugh and show up out of the blue, I started to wonder if I could kiss him again. I started to wonder if he wanted me, if he enjoyed the kiss as much as I had. I started to think like a girl who had been taken out on her very first date and the guy hadn't called her back for a second.

I wanted the normalcy back. I wanted Cassian to come into the house and tell me we were going to the fair or the mall. I wanted him to be that solid form that was always there. I didn't like wondering. I didn't like being kept at a distance. I didn't like the girl who was worried he didn't want to kiss her again.

It had been two days since I kissed him. Two day and yet Feyre still hadn't asked me about it or what it meant. Cassian hadn't come over at all. He did however call me to check up on Rey. He promised he would come over as soon as he could. He was supposed to show up today after work. To say I was nervous was an understatement.
I kept reminding myself that this was Cassian, my best friend. There was no reason to be nervous. This was exactly what I wanted. Who I wanted.

Feyre took Rey to the park before Cassian showed up. She claimed it was so we could have our privacy, but I knew that she was afraid we would start fighting. My sister knew how stubborn I could be. She wasn't sure if I wanted that kiss, or if I had finally embraced my feelings. I hadn't talked to her about it, because I wanted to talk to Cassian first. I didn't want to tell everyone what page I was on only to find out he decided he didn't want to be on the same one. I wanted to be sure of both of us, before I told anyone else.

I chewed on my lip as he walked into the house. He looked even better than I remembered. His dress shirt was paired with a pair of dark washed jeans. He had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the top two buttons were undone. His absence had made me miss him. I should've tried harder, I was wearing the usual leggings and tee shirt combination I had adapted once I had a toddler to chase around. I took in a deep breath as he met me in the kitchen.

He didn't hesitate, he wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.

"I missed you," I mumbled into his shoulder.

He smiled, "I was worried you wouldn't miss me."

I stepped back, my hands were shaking again. I swallowed the fear in my throat not sure where to start with his conversation. Before I could think too hard on it he leaned down and brushed his lips to mine quickly.

It was as if he didn't have to think about it. He just needed to kiss me again. I smiled as he pulled away, "that's allowed now right?"

He slipped his arms around my waist, "I um. Cassian."

My mind was a mess of emotions. I didn't know where to start, what to say. I closed my eyes and laughed at how utterly out of control I felt. There was never a guy I dated who made me flustered like this. There was never a moment when I truly believed my heart would be broken if I was rejected. But I knew that was because none of them were Cassian.

None of them were as important to me as this man.

"Nesta," he whispered my name softly, "look at me."