My Teacher

I like you, but

Alexey freezes and I instantly regret revealing him that, but there is just no way I can sit here anymore and pretend like I am not liking him a bit too much.

"I'm sorry to drop this onto you like an atomic bomb, but there is no way I can sit here and pretend I don't like you enough to want to kiss you." I say, avoiding Alexey's blue eyes.

Alexey is silent for a moment, probably trying to come up with an escape plan for this awkward situation. He puts his chopsticks down on the plate and reaches across the table to take my hand into his.

"Adèle. I really like you, but..." He starts, but that's enough for me. If there is a 'but', then there always comes an excuse.

I knew falling in love wasn't easy, but it would really be a thousand times easier if the man sitting across me was underaged, too. Sadly, he is just a few years older. Not that much, if you think about it, but from the perspective of law - this is absolutely illegal.

"I'm sorry, Alexey. I understand. I know we can't be together in any way, but I just..." Words jump out of my mouth in an uncontrollable speed, but Alexey puts his index finger on my lips to silence the flow.

"Adèle. Adèle..." He places his fingers under my chin to lift it up, therefore forcing me to look into his hypnotising eyes.

"I like you too, Adèle. I liked you right from the second I saw you. But we need to find a way to be together. While you are my student, we can't really be together." He says, sadness creeping into his eyes and making his lovely face frown.

"So... What now?" I ask him, afraid that I know the answer.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. For a moment, he appears to think hard. I study his facial features and sometimes his eyebrows move a bit closer to each other, indicating that he's thinking some bad thoughts.

After nearly a minute, he finally opens his eyes and they look into mine so deeply, that I am lost into the depths of his blue eyes.

"Adèle, I'm sorry. I knew asking you out on a date was a bad idea for the both of us." He says, squeezing my hand lightly.

For a second it feels like somebody has punched me hard in the stomach.

"I should really take you home now, if you've finished."

I nod and offer to split the bill, but he shakes his head and leaves a 50$ bill on the table. As far as I know, we only ate for, like, 35$. Well, a rich man does how he pleases.

I walk out of the restaurant in front of Alexey and take many deep breaths of the fresh air to comfort myself somehow. Alexey comes out quite fast, so I have no more time to calm myself.

I fallow Alexey to the car and don't even look into his eyes, while he opens the door for me again. I feel embarrassed for my feelings and desparately wish to get home faster, where I could just take a hot bath and shred some tears there.

Alexey walks around the car quickly and in no time he's sitting right next to me. He starts the engine, drives out of the parking lot and only then he looks at me.

"Please don't be angry at me. I didn't mean it was a mistake to get to know you. It was amazing just to spend time with you, giggling and talking. But I made a mistake. I should know that it was wrong of me, as a teacher, to ask you out. Even though you'll be 18 next month, I will still be your teacher. Maybe... after the school year ends and you graduate...?" He looks hopeful and smiles a crooked smile, but I don't see the handsome side of his anymore.

I am offended and hurt, despite knowing all along, that this would not work.

I turn my head to look out of the window, trying desparately not to cry.

"You won't... change the classes, right?" He asks, fear lacing his satin voice. Is it really so important to him, to see me in his class and remember this moment?

"I might. I don't know yet." I say, my voice almost breaking.

He doesn't say anything more for the whole drive to my house. It is already dark, when we arrive, so I can't really see if both of my parents are home by looking at the parking lot.

When he stops, I quickly get out of the car and almost run towards the house. I don't want to hear anything more from him today. I just want to be sad.

He doesn't chase after me, like boys do in romantic movies, so it makes me puzzle, if anything in the gross romance movies is even the tiniest bit real. Or are they just faking it all?

I unlocked the door at a slow pace, now that I knew Alexey wasn't chasing after me. Bub ran towards me immediately and I hugged him. The fluff of his fur tickled my nostrils, but I loved him so much. 

"At least you can like me." I murmured into his soft, fluffy ear, nuzzling it.

Mom came out of the room and smiled as she saw me. "Dinner?"

I shaked my head and quickly took my coat off. My toes were freezing despite being nicely covered by my boots, so I rushed to the bathroom and started the water.

Thank God, mom didn't ask me a ton of questions about where I was. She asked a few, of course, but I told her I was with Saf. She didn't know who Saf is, so I had to describe her, but after I did it, I quickly disappeared in the bathroom.

As I sat among the bubbles, caused by my all time favourite bath-bubbles-liquid, I started secretly punishing for being so stupid today.

Why? Why did I have to like my teacher? Why couldn't I be just a normal teenager, who has a crush on some singer or actor, or my age boys? Why did it have to be the new-handsome-perfect teacher? 

"You will not talk to him about it anymore, Adèle. From now on you'll only see him as your English Lit teacher. And that's it." I murmured to myself, wondering if I should switch my classes from English Lit, to something else. Did I really want to see him three times a week and feel the pang of rejection every time?

I thought about Alexey and today's date a lot. Actually, it didn't feel like very long, but then the loud knock on the bathroom door almost made me jump. 

"Adèle, you've been in there for an hour! Have you actually started washing? I need to wash my hair, so I don't have to wake up extra 30 minutes earlier!" Mom sounded annoyed, but so was I, because my parents knew- my bath time is sacred. Nobody shall disturb me, when I'm soaking in the hot, lavender smelling water.

"Give me 15 minutes and I'll be out!" I yelled back and started rushing. At least it made me forget Alexey and the whole situation I was in.

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