My Teacher

I...what?

"What were you doing before I came in?" I ask, my head still on his chest against the steady pulse of his heart... my heart...

Alexey takes one hand off of my back and points to the papers on his desk. "I was correcting some tests about Shakespeare. There are some gems in them, that make me laugh so hard. You can't even believe how creative students can get, when they don't know the topic well enough." His chest shivers with laughter and it makes me smile. I love his laugh, it's so pure, so real. So lovable.

"Do you need help with them? I could help you correct some." I suggest.

Alexey looks down at me and I see him considering my offer. He knows I am almost as good as him at English Literature, so there is no need to doubt my ability to correct a few mistakes here and there. After all, I have already written this test and, if I remember correctly, which I do - I got a 10.

"Do you really want to? I mean, that would be amazing, but I don't want you to do something like this, if you came to spend time with me." There is a hint of worry in his blazing blue eyes as he talks, but I erase them easily just by taking the papers and starting to correct some tests. He smiles and sits right across me, looking amused. 

After I've corrected two tests, which had barely any mistakes, I remember about my promise to Alexis. And also about my plans to hang out with Alexey tonight. The feeling of being a bad friend pinches me lightly, but I shake it off, not wanting to upset myself. After all, I see Alexey almost everyday now after school. Alexis - not so much, sadly. And let's not even talk about Marzia, who has retreated from Alexis and I to hang out with the sassy bitches of our class. I mean, I always knew our minds weren't set on the same things, but after all - couldn't you at least try to not be a bitch to us all the time?

I am so distracted about the negative thoughts of Marzia, that I almost forget to tell Alexey about Alexis, but I finally push my ex-best friend out of my mind. There is no need to think about her. That is in the past.

"Do you mind if we don't... hang out today?" I barely manage to get it out, afraid that it will hurt Alexey's feelings. I didn't want to make him sad just because I've decided to hang out with Alexis today.

Alexey lifts his eyes from the test he's currently correcting and looks into my eyes, hypnotising me a bit, just like he always does. There is no sadness there, thank God, but I still feel the need to explain why this is happening. Gosh, why am I feeling so guilty? I don't have to spend every waking moment with Alexey!

"It's just that Alexis and I talked, and she revealed, that she feels like we're drifting apart, so I suggested we hang out today." I say quickly, like I'm out of breath.

Alexey smiles and lifts his hand up to caress my cheek. His hand is soft and smells like a delicate soap, which makes me take a deep breath without even thinking about it.

"Were you worried that I was going to get jealous of you two?" He asks, his slight Russian accent making an appearance. I usually forget, that he's is Russian, since his english is so much better than mine, but in times like this, I love hearing his slight accent. It makes me realise that we're both outsiders in this country and our accents are making an appearance in our lives, reminding us of our home country.

Of course, it was not like I wasn't born here, but still, I feel more French than American, just like my dad. He still constantly visits France, where his brother and his family lives. Mom and I visit often, too, but not as often as dad.

"Actually, I was." I confess.

"Why?"

"I didn't want you to think I was blowing you off." 

"Oh, love. You are too good for this world." He gets up and walks around the desk to me. After kneeling right beside me, he pulls me closer and our lips meet. 

He is an amazing kisser. His lips are super soft, he knows how to use his tongue well and the best part - his breath doesn't smell. Of course, I wouldn't judge if it did, but still, it tastes like mint chewing gum, but I know he hasn't chewed any since I got here. And that was about 30 minutes ago.

Our kiss makes my stomach feel all sorts of feelings. Love, desire, wonder... I love him. 

Whoah. What was that? LOVE? There was no way I can love him...yet. Of course, I liked him very much and I was certain, that he did, too, but this just wasn't the time to profess my...love... for him. Anyways, I was certain he'd run for the hills if he heard that.

I pulled back from him and took my bag. "Sorry, I, uh, have to go, I've got history next and I still need my book from my locker." I was confused with myself and my weird feelings, so I needed to go and put some distance between us. Maybe it'll go away.

Alexey looked beyond confused. "Did I... Did I do something wrong?" He asked.

I was almost at the door, when I felt his strong arm wrap around mine and hold me in place. I had to get away or else I'd spill right now. There was no way he needed that shock today. He still had classes to teach.

Shaking my head rapidly, I said: "No, Alexey, it's not you. I just had a weird thought and I can't, um, shake it off." My heart was racing like crazy and it felt like the room had started to spin. Why did my brain have to produce the thought up? I was living happily without this assumption. 

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked again, worry lacing his velvet voice.

"No, Alexey. I lov...liked the kiss even too much. That's not it. I will, uh, tell you tomorrow after school. Maybe." I almost used the word 'loved', which would for sure give me away. Thankfully, my brain was smarter than that. At least right now.

Alexey raised one eyebrow and I saw he was thinking hard about what could've gone wrong. Obviously, he was far from the truth, because the truth seemed unreal...even to me. 

"Can we hang out after you go out with Alexis?" He begged, anxious to hear the truth of what happened. "Do you want to stay at my place tonight?"

The question takes me by surprise. What? Spend a night at Alexey's place? 

I must've looked really taken aback, because  Alexey clarifies: "Nothing sexual, of course. We could just hang out and talk." It was obvious about what he wanted to talk about and it scared me. But nevertheless, I accepted his offer. I've never had a sleepover with a boy and with Alexey... it could be interesting. Of course, no sexual activities involved, just like Alexey had said.

"Okay then. I look forward to seeing you tonight, love." He plants a sweet kiss on my cheek, making me shiver at the word 'love'. How on earth am I going to confess to him? It feels like such a dirty thing, even though I clearly know that it isn't. Love is normal, but not for us. At least, not right now. 

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