Dear Diary...

Monday, October 2nd, 5:07pm

The worst part about being in the mental hospital was a tie between no touching and the fact that everyone came and went. Sometimes the girls would tell heart wrenching stories to you, and they'd just be sobbing their eyes out. All you wanted was to give them a hug and say it would be alright, but that wasn't allowed. The no touching rule didn't totally stop us, but it halted things a lot. You'd have to go to a corner where the PCAs on duty couldn't see you, then you could give each other hugs. It was just overall tough watching people suffer.

It was always sad when someone left, too. I built great bonds rather quickly, but after a few days my newfound friend would leave. It was heartbreaking, especially when my roommate, Toby, left. Before he left I'd given him a shirt of mine to remind him of me. I don't remember if I mentioned that already or not. I snuck him my contact info. I wrote a two page letter wishing him luck and such, and I'll admit, I cried when he left. Just for the record, he never texted me. That broke my heart.

My next roommate came later that same day. Her name was Vyctoria. Apparently her parents wanted her to be a special snowflake just like mine, so we both have obscure spellings. Vyctoria was super sweet and I loved being around her. We got along well and had mostly the same interests. At night, we stayed up talking, or she would read her book aloud to me. It was nice. Most of the time we just stayed in our room together, avoiding the other girls. Especially Hannah. Hannah was and is the most obnoxious person I've ever met. Everything she says is with the intention to start drama.

Don't get me started on her ass either. She was, and I mean this in the least offensive way possible, overweight, yet she wore super tight leggings. She couldn't even pull them over her butt. I swear half of us girls got PTSD from seeing that all the time. I still get flashbacks and grimace. It was ugly. Every little bit of attention had to be redirected to her, even if it was negative. Vyctoria actually almost got into a fight with Hannah on multiple occasions. Needless to say, Hannah was trying to rile her up. According to Vyctoria, Hannah almost got booty-juiced once I left, then was sent to residential. Rip. For those that don't know, booty-juice is slang for the shot they give you in the butt to knock you out. It's to make patients chill out if they are a danger to themselves or others.

Hannah was almost as bad as Natalie. At least I didn't almost fight Hannah, though. I almost killed Natalie. Natalie deserves her own long rant, so I'll tell you about her tomorrow.

So today was my first day of senior year. School starts at 7, so I was up pretty early. After my breakdown last night I woke up rather tired, but I had to pull myself out of bed. My mom too, off the day to take me to school and get reenrolled, and that took about an hour and a half. I'm not sure I like the result. So, I'm currently taking Japanese 1, AP German 4, and environmental science A&B. I was forced to drop all my law classes which sucks. I also have to have a "senior project" class. My school requires us to make an actual product for our project, plus get an internship, so that's why it's a class on its own. I wish I didn't have to do it, but it's needed.

I want to do a presentation for my project. Schools don't mention much about mental health, and I want to change that. I plan to make a presentation on mental health, and provide pamphlets with therapist names, etc. I want to help people that might be suffering in silence like I was for five years. What do you guys think? Good idea? I can share more details once I get more information about what I'm doing. Moving on.

I feel like every teacher knew where I've been, because I swear every single one gave me a hug, said they were glad to see me, and asked how I was feeling. It was a little odd, particularly since I'm not a fan of being touched.

A couple people asked me why they hadn't seen me before when I went into my senior project class. I was honest and said I was in a mental hospital. The teacher was quick to jump up and say I was just taking a break, obviously uncomfortable with me sharing he information. It's whatever though. They can think what they want. Maybe if I'm open about my experiences, people will feel more comfortable getting help of their own.

At lunch I sat at the same table I sat at last year. Two people that sat there last year sat there again, and we got into a long conversation about where I've been. I shared a lot of stories about the hospital, and I was allowed to get some laughs out. The friendliness was pretty awesome. Turns out one of the guys has a sister that has issues as well.

After lunch, I went to German. The class was packed, and we had a sub. That was kind of upsetting because I love my German teacher. None of the students noticed my presence, though. It wasn't until I answered a question that someone blurted out "who are you?!?!" I simply said that I was new, and no one asked for any information beyond that. I knew one of the people in the class due to my German competitions, so I to,d him I was in the hospital. Otherwise I sort of stayed quiet and drew more.

After that, I got taken to the psychiatrist and it looks like everything is looking up for me. I'm actually happy, guys. I think I'm going to be okay. Now I'm just cuddling with my cat, and I'm about to watch YouTube. It's been a decent day.

Bye for now.

Question of the day: Do you speak any foreign languages? If so, do you enjoy it? I speak German, some Japanese, and some Mandarin Chinese. I absolutely love foreign language. I have Japanese class tomorrow.

Persephone and I