Bloom >> phan

Heart vs Mind... and Also the Stomach

     Earth Day was absolutely perfect.  Now out of the garden and walking about town, Dan was extremely content, happy even, for the first in a long time.  While he knew Phil would be at work again on Monday and that his own work began on the following day, the sun shining on their intertwined hands made him feel as if they rays of the sun were lifting his sorrows far away into an ignorable distance.
     Maybe it was too early to contemplate his future life with Phil, but being organized in thought comforted him—although their future seemed...  unclear at best.  I've had plenty of time to think about this, but it's all being rushed around my brain, threatening to burst out of my head and land on Phil's black combat boots in a slimy residue—
"Dan?" They had stopped walking and were now in front of Starbucks.  "Are we going in, or do you need some time out here while I get your drink?"
     "No, I'll go in...  Do you want to head to the shopping outlets afterwards?"
     Phil flashed his crooked smile then responded with a humble, "Of course."
     They both walked into the coffee ground-scented room where Chris manned the counter beside Dodie.  Both immediately looked up at the sight of Phil and started grinning widely.
     "Phil!"  They both shouted at the same time.
     Phil started, "Hey, guys I'm so glad to see you–"
     "We're so glad to see you, man!"  Chris interrupted.
"Well, it's nice to see that you still cut me off at every sentence," Phil laughed. "I need two coffees to-go, if you will."
"Sure thing—anything for my recovering mate."
"Now I know where you get 'mate' from," Dan mumbled.
Phil nudged him playfully. "Oh, shut up, mate."
     In a few minutes the coffees were out and Dan and Phil, after saying their goodbyes to Chris and Dodie, sat outside on a nearby bench.  Dan was happy in the moment, but he dreaded tomorrow. He would be alone all day... the first time, in fact, since he met Phil. It shouldn't be that difficult... Phil will be home in only... uh... how long does he work for? Maybe it'll be less time because he was sick for so long? Maybe not... Maybe—
"Hey, Dan, look!" Phil exclaimed, holding up his coffee cup. "It's you in a mug!" He was pointing towards the lid of the cup where it read "Hot Contents."
Dan couldn't help but let out a giggle, his dimples now poking out from the sides of the smile that he tried to hold back.
"You idiot," Dan poked. "It should be you."
Phil looked at Dan with a smile of disbelief on his face. "I don't think so—you're the one with an actual crown of flowers in your hair. You're the Hot Contents king almost!"
"Whatever," Dan said while rolling his eyes, still trying, and failing miserably, to stifle his laugh.
     Phil suddenly stood up from his seat and grabbed Dan by the wrist.  "C'mon, let's go to the shopping outlet!"
     How he managed to not cough getting up so fast both amazed and confused Dan, but he was just happy to go out on the town with Phil for the first time.

---

The sun was setting on Manchester, and the city looked amazing in its lights and stature.  Dan craved this kind of casual interaction with Phil ever since they started dating.  Wait—I'm actually in a relationship now.  I should feel completely happy now, right?  Unless I'm never destined to feel as good as everyone else...
     Dan's sleeve was tugged to the left as he heard Phil shout, "ANIME STORE!"
"Oh, for the love of—"
"Hurry up! We could pick up a volume of Attack on Titan manga!"
Phil was smiling like a child who had been given full-sized candy bars on Halloween. This was what brought Dan's smile back, as well as bringing him out of his thoughts.
     They came out of the store with only the first Attack on Titan manga due to Phil's wanting to buy plushies of Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. Dan didn't mind at all, though. He was only starting to get hungry since their big breakfast earlier today.
"Hey, Phil," Dan began as they were walking hand in hand through the city, "Can we stop and pick up some food?"
"Sure," Phil answered, looking lovingly at Dan. "What kind do you want?"
     "I have no idea..."  His words trailed off. No!  The feeling is back...  It's almost like cold water is rushing down my body, freezing the happiness I have and dragging it down to the pit of my stomach...
"Dan... Are you okay?... Dan?"
"What now, Phil!?" he shouted.
Phil was pulled himself away from Dan, now looking completely worried about him. "I just wanted to know what's going on with you."
"I can just go home if you don't want me here," Dan snarled.
"No, I do want you here! Tell me what's wrong!" Argh! What am I doing!?
"You don't want to know..." he said, turning away with a bleak, hopeless look on his face.
"But... Whatever. Dan, if you don't want to talk, then I'll walk you home—I'm not going to let you go on your own when you're like this."
"No! I mean..." Dan's voice broke. He was crying. No, he was sobbing.
Dan's flower crown drooped on his head as he leaned over onto Phil, so much so that Phil had to walk him to a bench to support the burden that Dan was placing on him. Dan's inner turmoil weighed down on both of them like an entire ocean of sadness and angst, tides rushing in and out of Dan's eyes and onto Phil's dark checkered flannel. The flower tiara had fallen on the ground as Dan continued to cry, Phil holding him like a mother to her child.
Dan slowly rose off of his protector as he wiped his nose and softly sniffled while leftover tears persisted in their course down his cheeks and off the waterfall of his chin.
"I'm so sorry, Phil."
"No..." Phil started, wiping the excess tears off of Dan's face. "No, don't be sorry. You don't have to tell me what's wrong. I just want to know that you're okay."
The worried punk took his time picking the fallen flowers off the ground. They had come undone and had begun to wilt, but the memory of first placing it on Dan's head remained in both of their minds.
     Dan said nothing—he could only keep silent.  He knew that the moment he tried to speak again, tears would start to fall again.
     "Y'know," Phil said while weaving some of the shriveled flowers back into Dan's hair, "sometimes you have to wait until the world begins to disintegrate for your new life to bloom around you.  I think you'll be just fine.  Let's go home."
     With that astounding advice, Dan shakily stood up with the aid of Phil, and they walked slowly home, hands intertwined like the dying, yet beautiful, daisies atop Dan's head.