Imbeciles! Fools! And Idiots

A Better Way To Sate Baozi Lust

After a battle. The five Sima Shi, Zhao, Wang Yuanji, Jia Chong, and Shi's bodyguard Fang Chi sat down at a tea house table, With blood all over their clothes and in total silence. Shi and Qi sat across from the three.

Jia Chong was beginning to peel an orange but suddenly Qi took the orange and stabbed a chop stick into it and squeezed the juice into Chong's tea cup with his hand. At this moment! Orange juice was invented by a lowly bodyguard.

By height and slender size, Qi was two inches taller than Sima Shi (Yep, he’s six feet tall) Qi made him look short. Shi wondered why his father employed this tree to be his bodyguard? Was Sima Yi being cheap in the protection of his family? From his history that was possible. Fang Qi proved his worth in Sima Shi's eyes otherwise today. Meat bun wise.

[Three hours earlier. Wu Zhang plains]

Sima Shi thrusted through the battle field with his extra long rapier! After cutting off the heads of five peons and watching as blood spouted like a geyser from their neck stumps, He heard a high pitched battle cry and saw two medium sized giant four edged blades fly pass his head and cut a row of even more peons in half at the torso! He turned and caught the glimpse of Fang Qi who he abandoned at their HQ. For Qi's own survival.

"I will protect you! Lord Sima Shi! As promised!" Exclaimed the young bodyguard as his blades flew back into his hands.

"I don't need your protection! Go back to base and stay out of my way! This is D.W 8 stages not D.W 4!" Shi replied taking down a shu general with a musou attack.

"Oh, Really? My lord? This is D. W role play! Not four or eight! Everything is possible! This is the closest universe to D.W: Strike Force!" Qi thundered. Strike Force was on... crack! Believe it or not!

Annoying bitch Jiang Wei appeared out off no where (from Zhuge Liang's teleportation spell he casted on him which back fired on Liang and killed him but still sent Wei.) and tried to back stab Sima Shi. Fang Qi immediately acted and flung his star at Wei's pretty head but didn't cut his head off cuz a thing called PENNE-VOLENT[Yep, Italian pasta] (mithril) PLATE ARMOR ! Which reflects the criticals on swords and weapons of sharpness!

[Fun Fact: This was once Zhao Yun's armor and that is why he never received injuries in his life!]

"Hah! Hah! You think you can injure me? My penne-volence protects me!" Boasted the whiny voice of Jiang Wei.

"Your penne-volence is a load of crap!" Qi said coming to a dead lock with Jiang Wei, "With your attitude and voice... I bet you are a eunuch! Jiang Wei!"

"You smell like estrogen and blood! I believe you are a girl!" Wei replied back. Wei can smell women? Is that his special ability?

"I'm covered in blood!... You are smelling me? What are you? A dog?... Riding Zhuge Liang's leg!" Qi laughed in Jiang Wei's face.

"Never! Supreme chancellor would never let any dog do that to him!... You give the Simas blow jobs!" Jiang Wei defended meekly.

"Everybody in the {wei, jin} army  has to give that to Simas... It's a requirement! I guess your sad cuz you don't have the junk for it!" The bodyguard is lying. They don't give those to Simas... Or do they?

Sima Shi glared at Fang Chi and remarked, "Qi! No, Conversing with the enemy!"

"In the old 'D.W: extremely Fictional Legends' there was always a battle of tongues before a fight!" Qi boasted. "Like the battle of superficial couples! Or jackass sisters!"

Suddenly a thunder wave blows Wei, Qi and Shi a few feet back and they land on the ground with Chi on top of Sima Shi and Wei flew away to who knows where...