Imbeciles! Fools! And Idiots

Vampires Are My Friends! EDITED!

[A/N: Okay, My peeps. I edited this. Not much though.]

Sima Yi yawned. He was watching the never ending pool game between Jia Xu and Guo Jia. Yi decided that he was going to get even with his wife but he was unsure how to possess his hat that sat on his old desk.

He asked Xun Yu, "How do I possess my hat?"

"You just jump into the object." Fortold Xun Yu.

"I mean technical details."

Xun Yu dropped his tea cup, "The astral plane is hard to explain... Even for someone as educated as me."

"Fine, I will figure it out, Myself." Sima Yi walked through the walls to his office and at that time he heard Zhao and Yuanji have a conversation.

"Zhao, I'm not going to do that." Yuanji refused.

"It's just Jia Chong. Our best friend." He pleaded.

"You mean YOUR best friend, ugh, Have you forgotten about his condition?" Her face crushed into a frustrated expression.

"Vampire?... Yeah, So what?" Zhao shrugged his broad shoulders.

"He's an undead! A parasite! Creature of the night that thirsts for blood!" Yuanji exclaimed.

"Locking the doors... Vampire... We should tell Shi to lock his door, too, at night." Zhao moved out to warn his older brother.

I guess being dead and a ghost makes me the ultimate eaves dropper." Sima Yi thought to himself.

Sima Yi entered his office and there was his hat. He decided to take Xun Yu's advice but he had doubts. He absorbed himself into his hat. Yu was right after all!

The Sima decided he was going to frighten his wife by making the hat float in the room while she was trying to sleep. He entered her room via the door and called out her name in a whisper : "Chunhua"

"Sima Yi! Go bother your concubine! I'm trying to sleep!" Chunhua demanded in her sleep.

He didn't even wake her up. Even with all the decades they were married Yi never realized how much of a deep sleeper Zhang Chunhua was. He decided to leave the hat on his pillow for his wife to find in the morning.

🌈

"SHI! SHI! HELP ME! IT'S GOING TO HURT ME!" Qi banged on Sima Shi's door. She saw Sima Yi's hat float down the hall to Zhang Chunhua's quarters.

He opened his door and yawned,Half asleep. "What is this ruckus about? Qi?"

Qi flung herself and embraced him, "Save me! There is a ghost haunting your father's hat!"

"A ghost? Qi?"

"You mean Jia Chong?" Said Zhao who just arrived.

Qi gave the younger brother a confused look, "No, The floating hat entered your mother's room. Your father is haunting her... Besides Jia Chong hasn't left his room in days."

Sima Zhao cautioned Shi and Qi, "Yes, For now... At night lock your doors."

Yuanji rolled her eyes, "Vampires can turn into mist, Zhao."

Zhao swore under his breath. He was only trying to protect his family, "I'm only tempting to protect my family and my friend."

"I know," She supported.

"How do you kill or destroy a vampire?" Shi asked Yuanji.

"Hey! We're not killing Jia Chong! He might be a vampire but he's still my friend!" Zhao defended.

"We... May have to."

"May have to? What?" Implied Jia Chong who was walking back to his room after a venture into town. He appeared as the more lively DW. 9 Jia Chong. With more skin color.

"May have to stake you. Or use a holy relic to destroy you." Wang Yuanji explained in her tsundere way of expression.

A deep chuckle came from Jia Chong, "You all have nothing to fear from me or anyone else, As long as I am here."

"See! He's a good vampire!" Zhao patted his vampire friend on the shoulder.

Qi smiled and asked a hair brained question, "Can you fly? Jia Chong?"

"I will have to see if I can..." He grinned.

"You, Zhao. Will be responsible if your vampire 'friend' kills anyone in a blood thirsty frenzy... You will have to clean up the body." Sima Shi puts forth to his younger brother.

Zhao didn't like that he had to do that, "Fine, Brother."

💗

Children Of The Night

Sima Zhao made sure Jia Chong had absolutely no way of getting into Wang Yuanji and his room at night. He put a scroll under his door and paper in the key hole. Holy symbols near their bed. He seemed to forget about everyone else who lived upon the Jin estate. Or maybe he was too lazy to procure their safety as well?

However at the moment... Zhong Hui was trying to edge himself into immortality and what he thought as perfection. After the discovery of Jia Chong's vampirism. Zhong Hui figured there must be more vampires out there! To make him 'beautiful' as well. He found a vampire mistress living in a opium house a few weeks later. He offered himself into her deathly embrace. (just to see himself as sexy dead thing). This is what she said:

"We need seven feet tall body guards. Not pretty boys like you."

"How could you turn me down?! I'm the chosen one!"

"You know as a vampire... You won't be able to see your reflection in the mirror... That would destroy the complete love for yourself." She chuckled menacingly.

"You want a guy like Deng Ai! That bastard! I will make sure he doesn't become a vampire!" Hui exclaimed with that high feluten voice of his. [The English version.]

"Who's this Deng Ai?" The vampire replied.

After Zhong Hui left the vampire mistress. Evading a fang or tooth. He went to search for that bastard Deng Ai! To only find out Ai had no intentions of becoming a member of the undead. For this mockery upon the chosen one! Zhong Hui made it one of his goals to kill some vampires.

"Yes, Killing a vampire must be simple." Zhong Hui reminded himself carving stake versions of his flying swords.

He wondered which vampire he shall take out first! He wasn't going to let Deng Ai live forever! He was going to kill the vampire mistress.

He was going to do that as she slept. As 'Vampire Slaying For Dummies' book says:

'The best time of day to kill a vampire is day light hours but u must know where they sleep... You watched countless vampire movies! You should know how this works now! Stake them in the heart.'

That was the problem: He didn't know where the vampire mistress slept.

As Zhong Hui was practicing his new stakes. Wang YuanJi walked by.

"You know stakes are not the most efficient way of killing a vampire, Zhong Hui." She reminded him, "You will need a true believing Christian with a cross."

Hui scoffed, "Christians live in Rome. I can just kidnap one from the silk road."

"It won't be that easy."

"No, I can just use another vampire to find the mistresse's sleeping place." He said.

"Hmm, Good luck."

"Do you know another vampire? YuanJi?"

Wang Yuan Ji's half smiled, "Well, He's a part of our group and he barely show his face..."

"You mean Jia Chong?"

"I'm not sure if he would help anyone..."

"He should be honored to help the chosen one."

"Jia Chong doesn't care about honor or about assisting others in their endeavors." Yuanji stated fact.

"Oh, I have leverage." Hui exclaimed smugly.

"For a word of advice: Be careful."