Would I even be missed if I was gone?
To most of y'all I'm a ghost. Someone who doesn't matter. Someone who if died it wouldn't matter. I just want someone to know my mind. To know how I feel.
I don't matter right now to anyone.
Everyone has abandoned me.
If I told you what goes on in my mind it would kill you and scare you bad.
After 12 suicide attempts. I've finally found out how it's gonna happen.
But it won't matter.
I guess this time it's all too real for me.
My life is already gone at this point that I'm typing.
I have the bottle in my hand.
110 pills. If taken all at once it will be fast. But I don't know. I have conflicts in my mind. One voice telling me no. And two others telling me to do it.
I haven't made a impact in anyone's life at this point like I wanted to.
I saw someone that I cared so much for today. Someone who told me they never wanted to see my face again.
When I said hi to her it was like I was invisible.....
like she walked through me.
You don't know how it feels to be a ghost like me...
While your getting people that like you and want you. I'm sitting here alone just wandering if someone will ever love me at all.
I'm tired of this life. It hurts so much.
If there's nothing to live for anymore should I just go?
If I can't do what I was meant to do should I just quit and let go?
I am depressed yes. I don't show it as much. Because I've learned to put a fake smile on to hide the cracks and broken pieces of me....
I hate myself and how I look. My freckles are a curse.
My eyes are always blue now.
And all I wear is black....
I'm heading to my funeral....
