Cry, my beloved people

The Letter Part 102

"My dear darling daughter,

I'm writing this in shame of myself.  I would understand if you don't answer it I did something that is impossible to forgive.  I know, because I can't even think of forgiving myself.   In a moment of anger, I took the life of the most precious person because she wanted to leave me.  

  All I want to do is to say I'm so sorry.   I bereft you of normal life and the person that you cared for the most, there is no way I can make it up to you.  I guess I can start to say I am sorry and I regret that day with all my being.

Your loving dad."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she looked at Gregory: "I'm not ready to answer this, I know I must answer it because he tried, but I don't know how." Linette sobbed as he took her in his arms."

"We'll work through this together," Gregory said, kissing her tenderly on her cheek.

"What would you do?" She asked, looking him straight in the eye.

"A few years back, I would have ignored him totally, but since I talked again to Clint, I would at least answer it.   What about talking to the psychiatrist that Tracey recommended.  She might be able to guide you through that feeling.   Write it down, then you won't forget anything and if it can help, we can go together."

"I think you're right, the sooner I visit her, the sooner I can answer the letter.   I'll consider it as a healing process, but I've got to start somewhere."  She said with a flickering of hope in her eyes.

Linette went to the kitchen and phoned the number Tracey texted her,  a few minutes later she joined Gregory in the living room. "She said it would be better for me to go on my own for the first meeting.  It would enable me to spill the beans and not to hold back, after that you would be welcome to join us."

"When is the appointment?"

"This afternoon at three."

"I'll go with you and wait outside, I'll be right there if you need me,"  he said and hugged her.

They were sitting outside at four-thirty and Gregory popped the question that he was dying to ask since she came out from the psychiatrist's office.  "How did it go?"

"I'm not sure, I went there with the expectation that I'm going to be in tears and that she was going to give me some good advice on how to handle it, but we ended up talking about horses and how they can help traumatized kids."

"Wow, maybe you should start at the beginning." He said and gave her a strange look.

"Okay, I started by reading her my dad's letter and the two poems that I know at heart, that describes my thoughts about it very well.  She asked me what I want to do.  I said I would like to use those poems to show him how I feel about it and maybe a Bible verse to show him that I'm open for conversation, but not ready to forgive yet."

"Is that your real feelings?"

"I guess it is, as I answered yes when she asked the same question.   She said I'm halfway through and I did it all on my own she asked me what helped me in the first place.   I answered you and Sophi."

"So that's where the horses came into the picture."

"Of course yes, I told her of my idea to study psychiatry and use horses in the study to help kids to heal from trauma.  She got very excited and asked me to let her know when I start my riding school.  She advised me to take my time with my dad, she said he doesn't have the right to pressure me.  Will you help me with the verse from the Bible?"

"Of course I will, I'll write some down tonight and you do the same, then we can discuss it together tomorrow night."

"That's why I love you, Gregory."

"Don't forget I love you more." She smiled as he draws her into a hug and kissed her tenderly.