I'm a Mess and You're a Work of Art

Chapter Nineteen - I Don't Want To Say Goodbye

-André's P.O.V-

I never thought I'd be a fast funeral planner but believe me, I never wanted to find out. Not like this.

I called members of my family over. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. They were all invited and three guys who I didn't even have to ask to come. They already wanted to be there. Who were they? Well, Isn't it obvious?

My dad also came...

In my mom's honor, I wore my black Ramones shirt and everything else black with a leather vest.

The Ramones were my moms favorite band ever since she was little and she had the privilege of seeing them live when she was 25.

Mom was always the punk rocker. She didn't stop at the Ramones. She loved the Sex Pistols, The Clash, Dead Kennedys and much, much more. Looking back at pictures of her, it was always her with her old blue hair (and yes, it was blue!!) in band shirts and with her friends who were sporting mohawks and other cool hairstyles. They were always outside enjoying life.

I find it weird how my parents met and got married without any problems. It wasn't until after they had me that shit hit the fan.

It was now the end of the funeral and my uncles stepped forward to her coffin. They were burly looking guys but they looked broken now with the rest of us. After exchanging glances, they grabbed onto the roped that were attached to the coffin and began heaving. My heart almost stopped.

I looked over at Billie and Tré who were at my sides. Tré was staring at his feet and his usual exciting demeanor had left him. He gripped his crutches tightly to the point were his knuckled turned white.

Billie's hands were shoved in his pockets and his hair was messy for him playing with it throughout the funeral. I guess that was his way of distracting himself for a bit and I don't blame him. Like Tré, he looked abnormally sad.

Finally I looked over at Mike who was made of stone. His jaw was clenched as he saw my uncles lower mom's coffin into the six foot deep hole in the ground. He held my hand tightly and refused to let go of it. I really appreciated that. I love it when people do that.

When the casket hit the bottom was when I finally let go of Mike's hand. I had been holding a white rose the whole time and now I had to give it purpose. 

I walked forward and looked down into the hole where my mother would lay for the rest of, well, forever. Tears began building up in my eyes and I dropped the white flower as dirt started to be thrown down there. It gracefully laid on the top of the silver casket.

I stood there, unable to move. I mean, how could I? The one person I thought would never leave, left and she wasn't coming back. There was no train I could take to see her or a short car ride. There was no plane fast enough that could take me to her anymore. No. She was gone and was going to stay that way.

A pair of arms wrapped around me form behind and I could tell by the black wristband that it was Mike. My face scrunched up and more tears escaped. "I miss her so much.." I choked out as I turned and hugged him full force. His strong arms adjusted to my movement and settled when I was done. Mike held he tight and rubbed soothing circles into my back.

"I know.." He murmured into my ear as he rocked me back and forth slightly,"I know André. I know and I am so sorry.."

***

The funeral went by slowly and with more pain than anything I have ever endured in my life. I don't think I've ever cried so much and I don't think I ever will.

"I know it will be hard. It's going to be hard for all of us Sweetie, but call me if you need anything, Okay?" My Aunt Christina was comforting me after the funeral. Funny, the last time I saw her, she was telling me that I wouldn't grow up to be something my mom would be proud of.