I CAN'T SAVE US ↠ KAI PARKER

20. the devil has a heart

"Maddie?"
"Juliet"
"Madison?"

I felt my heart skip a beat at the sound of his voice calling out my name, a habit i'd developed after getting used to hearing his soft voice chanting my name as he woke me up in the morning, but then my brain began to play the images of what had happened and the leaps of happiness were quickly replaced with fear, the burning desire of running away coming back to me in a rush as if I already wasn't convinced enough to get away from him.

"Maddie?" Kai calls out once again but I was determined to keep my eyes sealed shut, even if I knew he could tell I was wide awake.

Wide awake? and then it hits me... why was I waking up? I didn't remember going to sleep... or taking a nap, why would I take a nap after finding out he was responsible of such horrible things?! It didn't make any sense... only... it did make sense, once I realized i've been in this exact situation before, it made a lot of sense... he'd magically knocked me out! Again! Of course he did! Because that's all he ever does! Magically make me pass out whenever he couldn't compel me or I didn't believe his lies!

"Madison?" he says one more time and I was about to open my eyes to snap at him until I fully noticed the similarities of this situation to the first time he'd knocked me out... I was somewhere else... no, more like getting there. I was in a moving car going God knows where with a freaking heretic and no escape plan... maybe we were going back to Sage's place! I knew I could convince her to help me escape, she seemed nice and maybe she didn't know about Kai either, no sane person would ever be nice to him after finding out he was such a—

Or.... maybe... just maybe... he had a miraculous desperation to redeem himself and he was taking me home... Yeah, right. I scoffed, giving my cover away but I didn't care, it's not like I could pretend he'd accidentally put me into a sleeping coma to avoid him, though given his specialties resume, it wouldn't be too hard to believe.

"M—"

"If you say my name one more time I'll knock myself out again" I said harshly, opening my eyes slowly and I focused on the moving road and trees, refusing to look at him, for all I knew he was about to compel me, it couldn't hurt to try to avoid it.

"Good one" he mumbled softly and I rolled my eyes "I deserve all the mean comments, looks or shouts you give me... so feel free to do so... truth is... after the hell i've put you through, I deserve more than to receive your wrath.... be mad at me, hit me, yell at me or give me the silent treatment... I'll take it... but" he paused as his voice began to tremble and before my self-destructive side of me, began to even feel a slight bit of empathy for him, I reminded myself he was a sociopath, lying was what he did best, he was guilt-tripping me into forgiving him like he'd been doing this entire time "please... don't hate me... that I can't take"

"Is this fun for you? Do you get off of putting people through all this sick bullshit for your amusement? Are you really that heartless or just psychotic?" I spat coldly but for some reason there was a tone of hurt in my voice too.

"No, Maddie, no. I would never—"

"I don't wanna hear it! Just let me go, Kai... please" I muttered under my breath, even if I knew he'd never let me leave that easily, I still felt the need to convince him "You've already ruined my life enough as it is... chances are, the real me doesn't even know where your body is buried... doing this is useless... so please... just let me go"

"Is that what you think I've been doing this entire time? Finding ways to ruin your life? Maddie... I... I love you—"

"No, shut up— just shut up—"