I CAN'T SAVE US ↠ KAI PARKER

34. are we in the clear, yet?

One thing no one ever mentioned about romantic getaways? The awkward silence that came after. Unless they didn't mention it because there wasn't supposed to be any and we were just doing it wrong. Was this even a 'romantic-getaway'? I frowned at the thought of the word, sounding weirder and weirder now in my head the more I thought about it, or more like over-thought. To be fair, I'd tried saying something after we'd made our way out of Mystic Falls but I'd talked myself out of it after the fear of saying the wrong thing and screwing everything up convinced me not to.

Curiously enough, Kai had also kept all to himself. Though, his furrowed brow and pensive eyes, made me think he had retreated himself into his mind so deeply he'd probably didn't even notice we'd been driving in complete silence for almost two hours now. Occasionally, his expression would soften as the solemn darkness in his eyes would gain an unwavering glimmer in them, so tender that it almost made me believe it was hope but it went away just as fast, the tight and firm grip of his hands on the steering wheel convincing me I was probably just imagining it.

So I'd kept every thought to myself, hoping the right thing would come to mind eventually but was the right thing to say? Part of me wanted him to allow himself to have hope but I felt immediately guilty at the thought knowing our sudden escapade wasn't actually real. Though, the more time that passed, the more I started to believe it could be real and that worried me or maybe it was the surprising feeling of excitement I'd felt after reading the words 'You're now leaving Mystic Falls' when we drove past the border that worried me, or that I'd found some part of myself wishing I was selfish enough to actually do this.

Part of me also couldn't help but wonder if Kai felt the same thing after we'd passed the sign, he had almost broken whatever invisible barrier there was between us now but for some reason he didn't say whatever he had in mind. Maybe it wasn't excitement... maybe he'd realized he didn't want to do this with me anymore. No, I was not going to start doubting everything now, I wasn't that person anymore or at least I was trying not to be, because I knew that 'me' only ruined things by doing so.

So I was going to do what I'd probably should've done the second after I'd laid eyes on him on that road what felt like ages ago: I was going let things be. I trusted myself and I trusted my feelings for him, so I was going to just let. it. be. "I'm thinking... maybe we should... narrow down our potential-destinations choices" I blurted out, feeling a little surprised of hearing my own voice.

"Have someplace in mind?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the road and I hesitated, I hadn't really thought that far ahead.

"Uh... no" I mumbled, dropping my gaze down to my hands "I just thought we could decide that together, you know, like our first step into our... new life together?" 'new life together' I curse myself in my head for saying something so– "sorry, that was cheesy" and he bites his lower lip, almost as if he was trying to suppress a smile.

"Right..." he clears his throat, the amusement in his voice fading away just as quick "wanna know my plan?" he asks and I looked up at him "I say we keep driving around and wait for your guilt to do its thing, so when you eventually tell me you don't want to do this anymore–"

"Do you have a map by any chance?" I asked, intentionally interrupting him, deciding I wasn't going to let him talk himself out of this for the wrong reasons either.

"There's one in the glove compartment" he replied a little hesitant and I opened it.

We were good after we left his loft, why was he being all negative all of sudden? Unless he had just been pretending– No, juts let things be. I reminded myself and I took out what looked like a map as soon as I found it "Let's see" I mumbled, spreading it on my lap.