I CAN'T SAVE US ↠ KAI PARKER

38. I'd leave my happy home for you

"Uh... we should probably get going too" Kai mumbled, just a couple of seconds after we watched Atticus disappear somewhere by the entrance and I gave him a nod, even though part of me hoped we could exchange a few words before we went back. I just couldn't help but feel something was wrong, at least I could tell something was bothering him and I knew if I could just talk him out of whatever bad conclusion he'd jumped into, things would go back to the way they were just a couple of hours ago.

Still, I follow Kai all the way out to the stairs but I stopped before he went down the first step "Kai?" I almost said in a whisper and he looked back at me, the solemn but thoughtful look in his eyes making me drop my gaze and I hesitate for a second "are we okay?" I asked, meeting his eyes again but this time, he avoids mine.

His silence only making me assume the worst and I took another step, thinking he would continue making his way down the stairs to avoid having this conversation but before I have time to process what's going on, he's already wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest into a tight embrace. His secure and strong grip making it clear he wasn't about to let go any time soon and it takes me a second to return the embrace, because the last time he held me like this... I'd stabbed him in the back and left him behind to fend for himself.

It was the same way I'd held onto him out the fear of almost losing him just a few moments ago, only it felt more intimate and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, hugging him back with as much strength as I could and I feel my throat tightening as I tried to fight back the tears. The same fear coming back to me all over again, making it hard not to burst into tears and I feel his grip getting tighter, as he pulled me as close to him as he humanly could.

In a way, it felt like we were holding on to each other, neither of us willing to let go any time soon and I feel him bury his face in the base of my neck just as he moved his hand to the back of my head and we hold the embrace for a few minutes. But I worry, because it feels like his embrace wasn't just out of the comfort of knowing we'd successfully dodged another tragic twist of fate, it felt like it was something else and that scared me... a lot.

I was about to say something when I felt him loosening his grip as he moved his mouth up to the same level of my cheek "I'm sorry" he whispered quietly into my ear, placing some distance between us afterwards, at least enough to bring our foreheads together.

The tiredness in his eyes making my heart ache for him and I placed my hand on his cheek, the touch instantly making his expression soften "It's okay" I whispered reassuringly, not exactly sure what he was apologizing for, though the guilt in his eyes told me enough to take a good guess "this wasn't your fault, okay?" I said firmly, caressing his cheek but he slowly broke the embrace, the sorrowful look on his face making me wish I'd held onto him a little bit longer "Kai–"

"They're waiting" he clipped shortly and he turned towards the stairs again "don't tell them about the twins, at least not yet" he said over his shoulder before making his way down and I frowned. I knew he was beating himself up over this and I couldn't bear it, not when I knew he'd done the right thing. He'd gone up to the Sanctus willingly, knowing what they would do to him and he still chose to face his ancestors when he could've run.

But he didn't, because he wanted to do the right thing and I wanted him to realize at least that much, though part of me told me he wasn't seeing that. I followed him a couple of moments after, knowing there wasn't really much I could do right now, except wait for the right moment to talk to him but I was determined to make him see it "Maddie, thank god" Bonnie embraced me as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs and I hugged her back "are you okay?" she asked pulling away.