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Chapter 25

  Today is the day I terminate my child. I wasn't too happy about it, but I know it's something I have to do. I hope and pray God forgives me for this. I was sitting in the waiting room twirling my thumbs. Never did I think I would be here or even doing it under these circumstances. All I could think about it was, how bad ive betrayed my husband. All of this could have been avoided if I would just tell him I need more from him. I thought eventually he'll take it upon his self to be more spontaneous. You know, to keep things interesting. Guess, he don't look at it the way I do. I was amazed at how many women were in this clinic. I couldn't judge them at all on their reasoning for being here. I knew I was going to be here for a while seeing how many women sitting here. Your first time here, a lady next to me asked? Yeah, what about you? Girllllll, I wish this was my first time. I've been in here 6 times, and that's just this year alone. Wow! You really don't want kids huh? It's not that I don't want none, im HIV positive. I'm sorry to hear that, I said. Yeah, I was living the double life. I ended up fucking the wrong man, he gave me HIV, and my husband tries to get my pregnant every chance he gets. Wait, he doesn't know? Hellll no! So, you still have unprotected sex with your husband knowing you're HIV positive? It's not as bad as it sounds, she said. No, it's really bad as it sounds. I'm not judging you or anything, but you have to tell your husband. You don't understand, she said. My husband is wealthy, I mean very wealthy. His grandfather started a small business when he was in his 20s. When he passed, he left the entire franchise to him. My husband, well his mama wanted to make sure I wasn't with him for his money. He told me if I didn't sign a prenup, we weren't getting married. I signed it because I didn't want it to seem like I was. My husband is an old school type of guy. He doesn't step outside his comfort zone. Everything with him is safe, like textbook type safe. I wasn't getting what I wanted from him, so I stepped out. I stepped out too many times and headed up with HIV. I can't tell my husband or im done. What you mean? In the prenup it says, if there is ANY infidelity on my part I gets NOTHING. If there is any type of public humiliation, anything that will affect his business or family name, I could be sued. Not only will he divorce me and I get nothing, ill be sued. To avoid all of that, im keeping my mouth shut. But how long do you think that's going to work? I mean, you're having unprotected sex with your husband. Not only are you having unprotected sex with him, you're putting him at risk of getting HIV as well. If or when he catches it, he's going to know where it came from and how he got it. See, there's a little twist to all of this. He's having an affair too, been having one for months now. If or when he gets it as you said, he's going to think he got it from her and not me. If it's any infidelity on his part, I get $250,000 a year for the rest of my life. I don't know about you but that sounds like easy money. My mind was completely blown listening to this woman's story. That has to be the dumbest shit I have ever heard in my life. Wow, money is more important than your health and others' health. Washington, the doctor is ready for you now. Good luck with everything, I said. You too girl.

I'm so glad im not in that woman's shoes. Listening to her story made me realize, that could have easily been me. I slept with Kris, Talen, and King unprotectively. For all I know, I could have something too. The thought just terrified me beyond belief. I have to make me another appointment to get check as soon as I recover. I got undressed and mentally prepared myself for this decision im about to endure. I can't believe im really sitting here about to go through with this. Just watching the doctor prepare the tools made me petrified. How'd I get myself into to this predicament, I thought. I see on your chart, this is your first time. Yes, it is. I would just like to run through the procedure and make sure this is something you want to do. Getting an abortion can be very emotional and a little painful depending on how far long you are. What we do is, insert a tube into the cervix. A suction device is used to remove the fetus. Tools are then used to scrape the lining of the uterus to remove any remaining parts. The procedure takes 5 to 10 minutes. There are some symptoms that will occur afterwards such as; bleeding or spotting, cramping, and of course emotional mood swings. We do recommend a few places if you need help getting through this emotional time. We also recommend waiting 2 weeks before having intercourse. If you decide to try to conceive again, it's best to wait 4 to 6 weeks. Also, make an appointment with your primary doctor after 2 weeks. Do you want to go through with this? Yes, im ready to do this.