My Dark Past [Completed]

Chapter Ten: Game Over

I can't do it anymore.... I can't keep doing the deal because I can feel myself starting to crack even more, we're in the middle of November now but I don't think I can wait till the end of the month so I need to call off the deal, I need him to understand that we'll never work, we can't be together in the way he wants me to, even though I smile a lot more my wound is still open and not healing, I can't put Peeta through my constant nightmares, worrying about my anxiety and depression, worrying if I'll harm myself but this time for good.... I can't do that to Peeta, he deserves someone who can give him the things he wants, marriage, kids, I can't give him that, not now or ever. He needs to know that I'm no good for him, he needs to know that although I care for him.... a lot, I don't want to hurt him and that means the both of us calling off the deal, forgetting all about it so he can move on, I'm doing what every good friend would do.... letting him go because it's the best thing to do.

As I sit at the table eating breakfast well not really eating, more like playing with it, it's one of those days where the entire day goes horrible because my nightmare didn't just play over and over but the pain mentally and physically felt so real and like it was all happening again, I fought away my thought of taking all of my pills all at once. I pick up my phone and decide to text Peeta, I can't hold it in for any longer, I need to tell him now or I won't be able to later on

Katniss: Hey, can you meet me at Seam park?

Peeta: At the bakery so I'll ask mom and dad. I'll meet you there, is something wrong? :((

Katniss: I'll explain everything when we're in person

Peeta: Okay :))

I sigh and put my phone on the table, I feel terrible for what I'm going to tell him.... he's going to be so heartbroken when I do but like always it's best because then he'll be able to hate me and that's what'll make him move on from me....

"You feeling okay, sweetheart? You're not looking like your usual self?" My dad asks and I shrug

"You know you can tell me anything. Come on what's bothering you" he says, after I still don't tell him he makes me follow him into his office

"Katniss, I need you to talk to me. We've talked about keeping your emotions cooped up inside you" he sighs

"I can't be with Peeta. He's too good for me, if I tell him about Robert then he's just going to run far away from me.... I can't go through that and so I have to tell him that it'll never happen.... him and I" I admit

"Katniss, you can't think of it that way when you don't know for sure. Look I know that what you went through was a traumatic and terrifying experience but that boy has been through just as much, your both open wounds who need to heal. You need to do more thinking about what your putting both of you into, no matter how much I want to be a protective father against you and keep every boy away from you.... I see how happy he makes you whenever you're around him and if you do this I don't get to see that gorgeous smile on your face anymore" my dad explains and every single word sticks to my head

"How could I put him through with me always flinching when he touches me? Or if he kisses me what's the chance it'll feel like Robert?" I ask my dad

"Then, if he really cares about you in the way he says then he'll help you. He'll be there for you to get through it, it's not everyday a guy like Peeta comes around, trust me" he replies and I nod with a sigh, we walk out and continue with breakfast, am I doing the right thing? I must be because I'm helping Peeta right? It's what we both need.... isn't it?

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There's not many people with kids around when I enter the park but there is one person sitting on a bench waiting.... I'm about to do the hardest thing I'll ever do, lose every chance I have with him. I walk over and sit next to him, the cool air nipping at our noses and cheeks