The Hobbit: An Unexpected Discovery

Chapter nine: Trolls

Fae peered around the edge of a tree. Three humongous trolls were holding Bilbo. She looked back towards her camp, looking for the back-up she had requested. When no one came, she sighed and unsheathed her sword. "Curse the line of Durin." She said for the second time that night. She groaned quietly and ran into the clearing, slashing the closest trolls leg.

"Drop him!" she shouted

"You what?" said one of the trolls. Fae just smirked. God, she'd missed this.

"I said, drop him." She repeated, swirling her sword between her hands.

Tom laughed and threw Bilbo at Fae; Bilbo landed on Fae, knocking them both to the ground with a bang. The rest of the Company charged out of the bushes yelling and brandishing their weapons. They began fighting the trolls, hacking, slashing, and hammering their legs. Thorin ran over to Fae and picked her up.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Oh, you care now?" she questioned sarcastically, ducking as a troll swung at her.

"Are we really doing this now?!" he shouted stabbing a troll in the leg.

"Yes, we are doing this now!" she grunted lunging forward, "You forget Oakenshield, whether I act like one or not I am an elf and Lord Elrond is my brother by marriage, so you have not only insulted my kin but my family." Thorin groaned 

"I did no such thing I just said I did not require their help."

"Oh grow up Thorin! Of course you need his help!"

"I will never need the help of an elf." he said as a troll swung at him. Fae ran and pushed Thorin out of the way. "You sure bout that Oakenshield?" she said as she pulled him up again. Before Thorin could retaliate they were interrupted Kilis's cry of "Bilbo!" Fae ran forward to try and grab the hobbit

"No!" Thorin shouted pulling her back.

"Lay down your arms, or we'll rip his off." A troll shouted

Thorin looked at Bilbo in frustration, then planted his sword in the ground. The others dropped their swords and weapons as well.

"Don't bother cooking them. Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly." One troll said.

"They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." Another said
"Is this really necessary?" Dori asked.
"Ooh, that does sound quite nice." The final troll agreed, ignoring Dori's comment.

The dwarves on the spit and in the bags, were all making noises and talking in fear, except for Thorin and Fae who lay next to each other, tied in the sacks.

"Blasted Hobbit." Thorin grumbled. Fae sighed, "I blame your nephews. Sending him into a troll hoard like that. What were they thinking? I feel sorry for Erebor when you're gone" Thorin just chuckled and kissed her softly.

"I apologise for what I said earlier, I..." he started.

"Forget it Thorin. I understand." She said. "Does this mean we can visit Rivendell?"

"No. I need no help from the elves." He said turning from her once more. Fae chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. 

"Never mind the seasoning; we ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone." The first troll said. Bilbo, hearing what Tom said, suddenly had an idea.

"Wait! You are making a terrible mistake." The little hobbit said, causing Fae to sit up and look at him curiously. Bilbo managed to stand up, although still tied up in a sack. He faced the trolls.

"Uh, I meant with the, uh, with, uh, with the seasoning." The hobbit continued

"What about the seasoning?" the second troll asked

"Well have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up." The dwarves yelled at Bilbo, upon hearing this, calling him a traitor. The ones in the sacks kicked him.

"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" the third troll asked.
"Shut up, and let the, uh, flurgaburburrahobbit talk." The first one said again
"Uh, th...­­the secret to cooking dwarf is, um­­" Bilbo started
"Yes? Come on.
"It's, uh­­"
"Tell us the secret."
"Ye­­...yes, I'm telling you, the secret is ... "the hobbit stuttered, at a loss for words.

"To skin them first!" Fae shouted standing up

"Bert look. It's an elf." One said

"Shut up Tom and get me the filleting knife." Fae smiled at her success, but the dwarves were having none of it
"If I get you, you little­­" Gloin shouted
"I won't forget that!" Dwalin agreed.

"Never trust an elf!" Nori shouted.

"What a load of rubbish! I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scuff them, I say, boots and all." Tom says. Out of the corner of her eye Fae saw Gandalf slip behind a tree and smiled. 'About time' she thought

"'e's right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf! Nice and crunchy." The third said, grabbing Bombur, who was in a sack, and dangled him upside down over his mouth, about to eat him.

"No not that one, he­­...he's infected!" Bilbo shouted
"You what?" Tom screamed as the other troll dropped the large dwarf on top of Kili. Fae smiled at this, 'serves them right for starting this mess' she thought.
"Yeah, He's got worms in his ... tubes." Fae continued

"In...­­in fact they all have, they're in­­...infested with parasites. "the hobbit said.

"It's a terrible business; I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't." Fae agreed.

"Parasites, did he say parasites?" Oin said offended.
"We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" Kili screamed as the rest of the dwarves chimed in about how they don't have parasites and how Bilbo was a fool, along with the occasional 'never trust an elf!'. Bilbo rolled his eyes as the dwarves messed up his plan. Fae groaning as well, glared at Thorin, hoping he would get the hint. Thorin, finally getting the hint, kicked the others. They look at Fae's face and understood.

"I've got parasites as big as my arm." Oin shouted
"Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got huge parasites!" Kili agreed
"We're riddled."
"Yes, I'm riddled."
"Yes we are. Badly!"

Fae sighed and nodded at Bilbo to continue, as she looked around, hoping to catch sight of Gandalf once more.
"What would you have us do, then, let 'em all go?" Tom asked
"Well..." Bilbo started
"You think I don't know what you're up to? These little ferrets are taking us for fools!" Tom shouted again

"Ferrets?" Fae asked
"Fools?" Bert asked
Gandalf appeared on top of a large rock above the clearing.
"The dawn will take you all!" he bellowed.

"Who's that?" "No idea."
"Can we eat 'im too?"

Gandalf struck the rock with his staff, splitting it in half, allowing the sunlight behind it to pour into the clearing. When the sunlight touched the trolls' skin, they began to turn into stone amidst loud screams and howls of pain. Within seconds, there are three stone statues of trolls in the clearing.