Falling in love with #11

Chapter 27- Keeping Secrets

AN: See full Authors Note at end, but WARNING there is brief mentions of eating disorders in this chapter that may be sensitive to some readers. Read at your own discretion.  

11-3

3 days before game

2 weeks 1 day since miscarriage

" Damn I feel like it's been forever since we have been here,"Julian teased as we sat outside my uncles office. For me it felt like I was sitting out here minutes ago with Julian terrified to tell my uncle that we were dating.

I slipped a fake smile on my face,"Really? We weren't here yesterday?" I teased him back but he saw right through it. He grabbed my hand, interlacing our fingers. I leaned into his shoulder and let my eyes drift shut. I tried to picture happier times, but all I could picture was our baby's face.

"Sunshine talk to..."Julian started to say but Uncle Bill opened the door. He took one look at our joined hands and sighed. He opened the door more and walked back in not saying a word. I knew what he thought. He thought that we were back together and that I went MIA to keep it a secret from him.

Julian and I stood up and we walked through the door. I tried to pull my hand away, but he just gripped it tighter. I sat down in the chairs across from Uncle Bill, on the other side of his desk.

"I already know why you are here, so just spit it out,"Uncle Bill said. He didn't sound mad but he sounded stern. Like he expected better from us.

"With all due respect sir you have no idea why we are here,"Julian said clenching his jaw. I squeezed his hand and he let mine go standing up and shutting the door. He sat back down and grabbed my hand looking at me. I took a deep breath and my chest shuddered as I let the breath back out.

Uncle Bill's face softened,"What's wrong?" I could tell my uncle was nervous. Julian and I were here last time to tell him that we were together and this time it seemed worse. An ominous feeling hung in the air, Uncle Bill knew we were about to drop a bomb.

Julian looked at me and I bit my lip, swallowed and then turned and faced my Uncle.

"Two weeks ago I went out to dinner with Addi and Gisele. I wasn't feeling well and as we were walking out of the restaurant I passed out. I was brought to the hospital where I was informed that I was pregnant and miscarrying the baby. Julian and I had a baby and I killed it,"I told my uncle, my face was impassive and my uncles face fell when I told him this.

"Abbi, honey. I had no idea. No one has any idea. We even asked Gisele. She just told us that you were sick and she didn't know anything more,"Uncle Bill said and I nodded biting the inside of my cheek. I wasn't going to cry in front of people. I was going to prentend like I was strong.

"We haven't told anyone. Addi knows because she was with Abs at the hospital. We wanted us to be able to grieve without someone letting it slip to the media or having people bang at our doors. We love our friends but Abbi needed space. We told you first because you deserved to know. You have supported us from the beginning even though it was a little rough. We didn't want you finding out second hand,"Julian said this to uncle bill and he let his head fall into his hands.

"Are you going to start telling people?"Uncle Bill asked finally after taking a few minutes to get himself under control.

"We don't know. We haven't really talked about it. Coming here today was hard enough for Abbi and me,"Julian explained still running his thumb against my hand. I didn't trust myself to talk without losing it completely.

We all fell into silence. I could tell Uncle Bill was trying to let the information sink in. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Julian stealing looks at me. I knew he was worried. This was the firs time we had told anyone. The first time I said the words that our baby was gone to anyone but him and Addi. And me, well I just wanted the hands on the clock to move faster so I could leave and go home.

"Julian could I talk to Abbi alone please?"Uncle Bill asked. Julian looked at me for confirmation and I nodded slowly. He stood up and kissed my hair whispering that he loved me before he left the room. I knew if Julian left my side I was going to be even more vulnerable. But it was just my uncle and I knew if I needed to walk out at any point I could.

"What do you want to do about your job? You don't have to come back. Or you could take some time off and come back when you are ready,"Uncle Bill offered and I almost sighed with the easy question he asked me. I was so scared it was going to be about the baby.

"I would like to come back once we have started telling people. Maybe ease myself back in, but I know those boys and I am going to get bombarded with a thousand questions as soon as I step into the locker room and I'm not ready. I know they have the best intentions at heart but I can't even talk to my best friends right now. There's no way I can deal with 53 grown men,"Uncle Bill nodded and I laced my fingers together missing Julian's hand in mine. He was my rock and it pathetic how much I have leaned on him lately.

"I understand Abbi. Now I have a more serious question,"My heart dropped and my uncle looked me in the eyes when he asked his question,"When was the last time you ate? Julian sees you every day so he probably has not noticed the change as much, but I do. Abbi honey you have lost a lot of weight. You don't look healthy." Tears welled up in my eyes and I willed them to go away.

"I can't eat Uncle Bill. I get sick to my stomach when I do because all I can think is what I should have ate or what I should have drank to make my baby survive. I was supposed to be able to support that baby and to make him or her heathy and I couldn't even do that,"He got up from his chair and stood up. I met him half way as he came around the desk and hugged me. As soon as I was in his arms I started sobbing. Why was this so hard?

"Abbi you have got to eat. I can see that Julian loves you and it will tear that boy apart if you let this get any worse Abbi. Gisele and Addi are here all the time to check if you snuck in some how. Danny, Rob and Tom ask Julian about you all the time. You have so many people to help you get through this Abbi, you just have to let them in,"Uncle Bill said as he kept hugging me.

"Eating or not eating is the one thing I have control over right now. Everything else is slipping away from me, but I am going to try Uncle Bill I promise,"He let me go and I stepped back,"Thank you."

"Abbi you know I am here anytime you need me. I love you,"I managed a smile and started walking towards the door.

As I was turning the door handle Uncle Bill said something else,"One last question and maybe you don't have an answer. But what did you name the baby?"

 Not looking at him I said,"We named the baby William Ryan. It was a boy." Then I closed the door as my uncle let out a choked sob.

AN: I am so sorry about the wait. I feel like I say this every week, but my life is CRAZY. It just got crazier with some bad news regarding a family member. I don't know when the next update will be because I am dealing with said family crisis. I am doing my best and hope to have another update by Thankgiving. 

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