Ange (girlxgirl)

Chapter Four

I'm having a breakdown.

I'm heaving for air as tears roll down my face at a rapid speed. My once dry pillowcase is now wet, my throat is hoarse and as I lie there I think of Mum, before and after she died.

Mum was killed by a drunk driver whilst crossing the road to the bakery on a Sunday morning. The dickhead who killed her hadn't slept all night and still had a beer in his hand, his blood alcohol reading was .12. He was charged to 24 years and would be allegeable for parole. I feel guilty for believing this man was legitimately remorseful, he had just lost his job, his wife had a terminal disease and he had a 7 and an 11 year old to take care of.

Mum was very carefree and youthful, she was beautiful, kind and gentle to everyone. She knew all about everything, especially animals, she loved them and at nearly every stage in her life she had some kind of pet. She nagged my Dad, Bret to buy a place for enough room for a horse and a pet lamb. Of course she got what she wanted, right on top of a mountain that overlooks a valley and more mountain ranges, Dad drank in anything she said.

 They met in London, Dad was on a business trip and Mum was trying to find out what sort of person she wanted to be. They met in a pub and Mum told Dad all about her troubles with her parents who kicked her out for rebelling against them and their beliefs, she had virtually nothing in her name even though she was from a wealthy family. Dad extended his stay and convinced Mum to move back to Australia with him, at this stage they were both in love with each other. 

Dad popped the question at 20 and at 21 they had Joan, my older sister, at 23 they had me. For only 13 years we all were a family, like any family we had our arguments, but we also had our good times. Mum would take me out on the horses in the mountains, she would wander around the paddocks at midnight to find little lambs, she would sit on the couch beside the fire with the cat in her lap, making the jokes of the night and talking nonsense.

 13 years wasn't nearly enough time for me to have her for, at the age of 13 I had hardly the brain to say anything worth while to Mum.

 I knew she would be ashamed of the way I act towards Katherine, Mum would want me to like Katherine and to be able to tell her anything, Mum didn't believe in hate. She didn't hold grudges, always said nice things to everyone, even the people who talked shit about her, she taught me to forgive and be kind. 

I can't though.

 Not when only two years after Mum died, Dad had moved onto Katherine and was married. 

This morning, however, I am going to get over my hate for Katherine and all of my Dad's negative traits that I got given and go apologise to Katherine. She does a good job since Dad is away all the time.