Ange (girlxgirl)

Chapter Twenty-six

When Katherine picks me up she is giddy with excitement. The whole drive home she smiles and later in the afternoon when cooking dinner, she hums and whistles to herself. At around when Dad is meant to be home, I go and sit in the kitchen at the bench and talk to her, she is so out of it with anticipation that she can't answer me properly. It reminds me of Mum, when Dad would take the rare trip away and she would be so happy to see him again.

At six exactly, a pair of headlights appear out of the darkness and draw closer to the house, finally disappearing into the shed. Moments later, Dad is standing in the doorway with his bags and Katherine engulfs him into a hug. They stand there together, entangled for ages, then they break apart and Dad comes over to me and wraps his arms around me. It feels unfamiliar, but comfortable and his smell fills my nose, bringing back memories of the old times. His stubble tickles my cheek and I withdraw, he smiles around at Katherine and I.

"Sorry I have been so long," he says finally.

And he is forgiven, for missing months of my life and for not being there for Katherine.

We stay up later after dinner and talk about all the countries he has been to and he brushes over what he did there. Things like shares, interest and loans are involved, so I do my best to look interested and nod. He explains that the reason he couldn't get back home was that a pesky client wasn't happy with the quality of some work done and was hard to handle just over the phone.

"Guess what, Angie." He says eagerly after an explanation on Rome. "I've been seeing Joan lately."

Joan. My sister that is a brainiac and studies at a prestigious university about seven hours away. We are three years different in age and were close before we had different ways of coping with Mum's death. After Mum died and I went off the rails, a bit of an understatement. I made bad decisions and I even got arrested a few times because of them. I became reserved and Joan would always try and make me talk out my feelings, all I wanted back then was to be left alone, now I can see that Joan was just a clueless 16 year old trying to help her wild younger sister with the little resources she had. After about a year of this, she became so fed up she yelled and screamed at me. We both said things that we shouldn't have said, some things true but hurtful. We didn't speak, even though she still lived with us and then she moved out to uni and it has been a no speaking relationship ever since. I follow her on Instagram though, she lives in the suburbs of Sydney in an old house with her boyfriend and dog. No photos of parties or a collective group of friends, her life seems like she studies all the time, I suppose she has to because she is becoming a neurosurgeon.

"Right," I say cooly.

Dad frowns. "She misses you, she wishes you would visit."

"We haven't spoken in about three years!"

"She is ready to move on. She hopes you are too," he says calmly.

"How can I be ready to move on from my own mother's death?" I ask sharply.

Katherine shifts awkwardly in her chair. If she comments on this, I will insult her. She has only met Joan once at her and Dad's wedding, she doesn't know enough about it to have a say.

"She doesn't mean that," Dad says quietly.

"Are you sure? She did last time. She pretty much told me to get over it because if I didn't I would ruin, not just my own, but this family's reputation. I'm going to bed, goodnight. Great to see you, Dad."

I leave the room as quickly as I can and climb the stairs two at a time. As soon as I'm in my room, I open up the floorboard and get out a bottle of vodka, taking a swig and lying on my bed. I think of my sister and all of the hateful and mean things that were said that day, I would love to erase it, but I can't. I can only taint it with the help of the blissful poison I hold in my hands.