Forbidden: Leadership

Chapter 2

-NINFA'S P.O.V-

    It's been a few weeks. I'm worried she won't wake but she shows signs of improvement. The fight was just too much.
    I watched from the sidelines. Took out a couple dozen monsters. Listened to what I could. Watched what I could.
    When Valerie wakes up, she won't be the woman I love. She will be emotionless. I know she will.
     I just want her to come back to me. To wake up. To wake from this madness so I can tell her.
   Tell her that she's going to be a parent. That hopefully we can do it better than our parents could. Than our fathers could. I just hope that she would actually like it vs not wanting the baby.
   I lay on her chest and listen to her heart. It doesn't beat but I know she's alive by the breathing. I hate this. I hate when she is emotionless because she has no heartbeat.
   Instead of falling asleep to her heartbeat, I've fallen to the baby's. I don't think that she will hate the idea of being a parent. But I know she will get mad at me for not mentioning it right away.
    Joel walks in after a short while with some towels and some other things. We prepare for another sponge bath to keep her clean. Make sure she's doing okay, medically. And she is. Just has no physical heartbeat.
    As we leave the room and clean up our messes in the kitchen, Joel sighs loudly.
"I'm sorry, this isn't fair for you."
"What do you mean?"
"You're pregnant, Ninfa. You should be the one resting. Not the one going out and fighting."
"It's not her fault. And I've only really done one fight. The rest of the war has been quiet after Lucifer died."
"I guess. You should rest though. I'll be here if you need me."
    I sigh and he lightly pushes me towards our room. "Fine. Fine. I'm going." I give in.
    As I enter the room, I immediately curl up with Valerie. Misty comes up and behind me.
"How are you, Ninfa?"
"I'm alright."
"The child?"
     I listen for the heartbeat and of course it's there. It's tiny. But strong.
"It's good." I say and smile.
    I would be at least 3 months now. I believe anyway. Almost going for second trimester. I just hope she's not knocked out the full time because I really need her with this. I want her here for this.
   I haven't gotten morning sickness like human would. I don't feel sick. I just feel tired. Tired and sometimes really hungry but that's it.
   I can't really tell a difference. Only when I listen, I can hear it's heart beating.
    Misty lays with us, her paw, keeping me close in case Valerie wakes and like freaks out at me being here. I mean, I live here, nothing I can really do about that. And I won't leave, even if she had a weapon that would kill me.
    I listen to the baby's heartbeat and it brings me the peace I need to sleep. I fall asleep to it, her soft breathing and Misty's warmth. A good mix, yes, but not perfect.
     If she would wake and be herself, it would be perfect. If. Just if.
   
    I feel fat. "I feel fat."
"You look great, Ninfa." Luke smiles.
"I look fat. If she wakes, she will know instantly that something is up."
"You're barely showing." Joel says.
"I feel fat though."
"I mean, you did just eat an entire pizza by yourself." Luke points the obvious crime.
"I'm eating for two, thank you." Though I know that that isn't true but still, I was hungry.
    He laughs and hugs me. Joel joins. The hug feels nice but no arms are hers and she's still out cold and I'm showing now and it's all just a mess.
"She will wake. You will bring her back." Joel says with a sigh.
"Just a matter of when. I need her. I just need my love back."
    I sigh heavily and put the baggy hoodie back on to hide my fatness. I have a feeling she would be so mad at me for calling myself that but it's how I feel. I miss her so much, I would be happy if she was mad at me.
"I'm going to bed. Let me know when a fight breaks out? Or if one does? If not, I'll see you when I emerge for foodies."
"Of course." They both say.
    I walk back to our room. As I open the door, I'm faced with Misty. She guards Valerie while I am away. I'm so glad they like each other now. Well, not now or when she wakes, it'll be different.
    I climb into bed and lay my head on her chest. Still no heartbeat but yet she breathes. She will wake emotionless. I fear I can't bring her back but I can try to.
    This time feels different. I have never seen her in such a condition. Never seen so much taken from her. I just want her back and we be happy again.
    I start to fall asleep to the warmth of Misty, soft breaths of Valerie and tiny heartbeats of ...of.. our baby.
    Our baby.

    I wake to the feeling of weight shifting. I sit up to what I think is a ghost but I know it's not. Or I hope it's not.
"Val?"
    It takes her a moment to register that I had spoken. This is going to hurt me, this will break my heart.
"Hi, angel."
    I expected. A loud crash with my heart to her word. A word she hasn't called me in a couple of years.
    I sigh. Her eyes fill with a confusion. I would definitely be confused too if I just killed my father and woke to this mess. But no heart, possibly nothing. She doesn't know better, I guess.
"Take a wild guess I woke from a coma thingy."
    Strange she doesn't care I'm here. Or not? I'm not sure.. maybe it's because she doesn't care that it doesn't phase her.
"Yeah." I mumble out.
"Hm. Okay."
   She gets up. I grab her hand but she burns me. I shouldn't be shocked. I shouldn't hurt by this because I knew it was going to happen. It doesn't stop the pain for it though.
"Val.."
"Hm?"
    I stand up and level myself to her. No reaction to it though I know she hates it. I take my chance and lightly kiss her lips.
    No kiss back. Only burn and heartache. I pull back and there's a small flicker in her eyes but small and tiny and then they go back to dull and lifeless.
   She walks off and everything in me breaks. I feel tears fall. I walk off to the living room as she branches off to the shower.
"Ninfa?" Joel brings me in a hug because my noticeable tears.
"She woke. I kissed her. Saw a small flicker of herself in her eyes but then nothing."
"Nothing?" Luke asks in shocked voice.
"Nothing."
    I'm going to be trapped in this place with a woman that doesn't love me. I don't know if I can do this. I don't think I can.
"I wonder if you told her.."
"No. No. I think I might just stay in heaven again." I cut Joel off.
"Don't do that. This is your home. You belong here." Luke says.
    I sigh. I just.. I just..
"I don't feel at home."...not anymore.
"It is your home. You'll figure it out."
    I pull from the hugs and curl up on the couch. I think the worse part is I can't let her see me out of baggy clothes. A kiss wouldn't bring her back to me. I'm just so lost.
    I find myself crying. Joel pulls me close to him and I cry in his arms. This isn't fair but it seems to be the only way. Only way.
    Joel holds onto me while I rest on him. I can't stop the tears. I can't feel anything but this pain and heartache. It's not fair that a hero does one thing and everyone gets fucked because the right thing does a ripple effect on every fucking person involved in the hero's life.
    I drift off slowly. Crying myself to sleep. Or partial sleep. Still awake enough to hear everything but not enough to really do anything. Painful purgatory.
   The smell. The smell of a man's body wash fills my senses. I've missed it. I miss her so much.
"What's her problem?" She says with no effort.
    I listen to what has to be said. To do the one thing I can do.
"You are. I know you used your power too much to kill Lucifer. But you need to snap out of it and remember who you are." Joel speaks.
"I'm me, Joel. There's no difference."
"You're so damn blind. Your wife needs you."
"Wife. Hm. Well, she looks pretty comforted in your arms."
    I guess it's good she didn't comment something bad about our marriage..
"I'm not who's arms she wants to be in, Valerie."
"I'm not holding the angel so she feels comforted."
"You need to wake up, Valerie."
"Whatever."
    It hurts. But if I go to heaven I might gain that pain I had before. The child is part demon.. I have a demon growing inside of me. I.. have.. A demon within.. And a demon who stole my heart.
    Everything seems so fucked up. I'm an angel who loves a demon. Pregnant with a demon and she doesn't even know. I doubt she cares I'm holding our demon child.
    I have an angel growing inside of me too. I have to remember the baby is angel too. I have our baby. I'm just. I'm just... down.
"Do you feel nothing when you see the girl you love cry herself to sleep? Do you feel nothing when she kissed you? Do you feel nothing knowing she waited another 4 months for you to wake?" Joel asks. I can hear the upset tone in his voice.
"What do you expect of me, Joel? You know this is what happens when I over use my power."
"It doesn't have to be like that. You know it doesn't."
   The conversation between them.. just.. It's not enough. My heart is breaking.
   I focus on the baby's heartbeat and fall fully asleep. It's all I can do. At least in my sleep I'm sort of numb to the heartache. Not really... not really.