Forbidden: Leadership

Chapter 55

-VALERIE'S P.O.V-

     The way she's looking at me strikes me as confused. She's never looked at me like this. Never once in our 6. It's confusing.
"Why are you looking at me that way?"
"How do I share a dream with you?"
"Allow me in.."
     I feel the connection between our minds grow stronger as she allows me in. I search her mind for the dream and what I find... shocks me...
     My heart beats hard against my chest. A fear mixes with a happiness. Me being pregnant with her baby... And it.. But ME.. The devil. Fucking Satan. Me...
     I'm confused of if I should be happy or fucking terrified. Terrified. May go with terrified.
    I sit up and go to the bathroom. I can't have a panic attack in front of Dakota. Even if I freeze her with the time.
    Ninfa stands in the doorway and I freeze Dakota so Ninfa and I can speak.
"Why are you so worried? Babe, this is good."
"You're almost 5 months. I'm ..2 weeks maybe. By the time you give, I won't be far behind. I'm worried because I'm the host. I'm the fucking devil. I'm the most evilest person in all the realms. In current existence."
"That's your title. Not you. A devil would show no love. You give me, Dakota and this baby all the love there ever is to exist."
    I'm shaking. Hyperventilating. Heart overworking.
    Her arms wrap around me, I instantly feel better. I don't know why but I want this all the more now.. The rare chance we ever did that to even allow this.
    And this is impossible. I made it so I couldn't? Gave more protection warding it away? I didn't think it would go through the blocks?
    None of this makes sense. We don't make sense. No logics at fucking all.
"Be honest with me here, Nin. Does this sound sane at all to you?"
"You drove me crazy the day I met you. This is all in my head. Or could be in yours. Who knows?"
"Ninfa, I'm serious."
    She kisses my cheek. "Maybe a little too serious."
"I have somewhat of a good reason."
"If this is what you want, I stand by you. If you chose not to keep it, we will work it out together. I understand that you're probably freaking out.."
"Probably."
"Okay, so maybe freaking out. But should it matter if I'm with you in this together? I have no doubt you'd be any worse of a host than I am."
"What do you mean by worse?"
"Babe. You eat. You sleep. You grow. You live. You feel a connection. You feel kicks here and there but other than that, it's pretty much just like living any other day."
"You make it sound so easy."
"Believe it or not, it is."
"So.. this dream.. And you think I'm..pregnant?"
"Baby doesn't have a heartbeat until 3 to 4 weeks. So I can't know for sure but if you are, would it be so bad?"
    I can see all the good done with Dakota. How light she is. And I can feel how light the one Ninfa holds... But what of mine? What if I'm the bad parent for keeping someone who could destroy the world? What if I'm the bad parent for ever thinking such a thing because they turn out light?
     I'm not really sure how long I've just been standing here.. But at least she hasn't let go of me. At least I'm sure about this moment, being home.
"If you don't want this, I want you to know I wouldn't leave if it's what you think is right."
"What do you think is right?"
"I think I just want us happy. I want a family, yes, but there are plenty of other times we can. We do have literally forever. It's your choice but I could see this baby being as light as Dakota." Her hand lightly places in my stomach. It's such a weird feeling to know that maybe this could be real.
"What if it was just a dream, Nin?"
"Then the question would still remain. 'Would you want it?' "
     A big part of me fears because of who I am. But I'm not evil. I do try and do good. I just own a hefty title.
    I have love. And she is right, she always has been right. Love is brighter than light. Love is light.
"Love is light..."
     She laughs lightly. "Someone finally listens to me."
"Hey, I listen to you all the time. I don't know what you're ever talking about with that."
"Mhm."
"I'm a bad listener?"
"No. Good listener. Bad topic changer."
"Fuck."
     She shakes her head in laughter. A laughter that fills my heart with joy. If I have Ninfa. If I have Dakota. If I have our baby. I can have this baby too. If I hold their support, I know I can do this.
"So.. I might be pregnant."
     She stands on her tippy toes again and kisses my cheek. "I'm here every step of the way on whatever it is you wish to do."
"Keep."
     Her eyes shine brightly. Her teal eye's always been filled with light and always hold so much beauty but there are times where some of my words or actions just make them shine brighter. Shine brighter with a brighter love than she normally shows.
"You're sure?"
"All I need is you to be here for me and I know I can do it. I know things will be okay. Although I'm not sure how to word it for Joel and Luke."
"Afraid to tell them your wife took all of you?"
    I feel my cheeks heat instantly to her words. I'm not ashamed we had intimacy like that. "I'm not ashamed of that."
"Your blush might say otherwise."
    I pick her up and carefully hold her close to me. She giggles to the suddenness of my actions. I love her giggles.
"Just because I blushed, doesn't mean I'm ashamed. And you didn't take me. I gave."
"You trusted me with something and I feared it the whole time."
"Not the whole time."
    Her turn for a blush and she does. A clear dark red appears. She's so beautiful.
"N..Not the whole time."
"You're so beautiful.." I speak but I really didn't mean to go for those words exactly. I mean I tell her daily... But I just wanted to say we agreed to let me satisfy her like that and not the other way around. But I just.. I'm stuck.. I'm stuck on her beauty.
"You're not bad yourself, Valerie."
"Thanks." I say in a light laugh.
    She holds onto me as I start walking back into our room. Laying her on one side of Dakota and I lay back down again. I resume time for Dakota.
"Mommy." She curls up on my stomach.
"What's wrong, babygirl?"
"Tired. Hungry. Tired. Bathroom. Hungry."
"Big words for babygirl."
"Sounds like you should go to the potty, then?"
"Lazy."
"I enjoy her one worded sentences. She's doing a great job."
"Sarcasm?"
"No, Nin. I mean, sort of. She's cute. I think being in your class actually helps her."
"She's asleep like 80% of it."
"She's learning bigger words and more harder for 3 year old to speak ones from somewhere, love."
"Why don't you show mommy that you can go to the potty in your own."
    Dakota looks up and smiles. She climbs out of bed and takes my hand, tugging me out of bed. She's a strong 3 year old, I hand that to her.
    I walk close behind her. Until we reach the bathroom that is. She does everything on her own. Up until she tries to wipe and Ninfa helps her with that.
     I would agree with Dakota now that I am tired. And a little hungry too. Mainly tired. And if I am, indeed, pregnant, I would understand the weariness.
    Dakota starts running for the door and I step in front of her. She smacks into my legs like a ton of bricks. She does this every time to either Ninfa or me. She sighs from the ground.
"Hands?"
"Hands." Ninfa and I both say.
    Dakota raises her arms and I lift her up. I take her to the sinks and she washes her hands. The bubbles from the soapy mess she makes makes her giggle.
    Note to self. Bubble party. Misty loves bubbles too. I'm sure Leo would enjoy them as well.
    Setting Dakota on the ground again, she begins running.
"Don't run in the house, Dakota. If you get hurt, it's your fault."
"Oka.." She skids to a stop a little too late and runs into the wall.
    The crash and watching her fall makes my heart jump out of my chest. I freeze time for her and pick her up. As I resume time for her, her tears begin to fall.
"Don't cry, babygirl." Seeing her sad purple eyes fill with tears is breaking my heart.
    Ninfa kisses Dakota cheek and takes her pain away but she doesn't stop crying.
"She's not in pain. It's something else."
"What's wrong, babygirl?"
"My f..fault."
     I laugh lightly and wipe her tears. "Don't run in the house. This time, I saw you try to stop. It wasn't exactly your fault." I mean, it was. Skidding like that doesn't work with hardwood floors and a carpet.
"Wasn't?" She sniffles.
"No. Not this time. How about we go fix something and eat?"
"You shouldn't really be cooking, Val. You should still be resting."
"And you're my wife whom has been catering to my ass all week because fairies are pricks. I'm fixing us a meal if it kills me."
"Yeah, saying that doesn't make me feel any fucking better."
"Oooo. Someone getting feisty?"
"Valerie. I'm an angel, I get that. But I curse too."
"Not once before me, you didn't."
    I start my cooking after sitting Dakota in her chair.
"Your right. You changed me. But I don't regret it."
"You changed me too. Doesn't bother me anymore. I use to hate the idea of love. Then found it weird. Now I enjoy loving others."
"I rather enjoy your lovings."
    I turn to her and she's biting her lip. I'm glad I'm female form because that could have gone from sweet family moment to complete awkwardness of Dakota probably in questioning.
"You're terrible."
"I haven't done a damn thing."
"Mhm."
    I turn back to making the meal. No clue what time it was when I stopped the time. So. No idea if this is breakfast, lunch or dinner. Or late snack. Or what the fuck ever.
    Glad dinner is made because I'm rapidly going downhill. I'll be alright, just using so much physical energy like this is getting me so tired. The fairies are fucking dicks.
    The fairies are fucking dicks.