Forbidden: Leadership

Chapter 3

-VALERIE'S P.O.V-

Waking seems different. Very different. I've been numb before, yeah, but this is majorly different. Almost eerie...
Last time I was numb I had something left in me I couldn't access. But this time there is just nothing. Just an emptiness.
A conversation with Joel. A kiss from the angel. Yet I feel nothing. Even to the knowledge that she's my wife. Even to the knowledge that Lucifer is dead. I should be sad.
It would be sad if I could feel sadness. This would be sad if I could be sad. I don't know anymore.
"Val?" Her voice startles me in a way.
"Hm?"
"What're you doing?" She stretches and yawns.
"Restocking the fridge in the room. All in there is alcohol. And I'm not wanting any. Not right now anyway."
She sighs. She lays back down on the couch but I can tell she's uncomfortable.
"Why don't you just go to bed?"
"Because it's n.."
"It was your bed the moment you shared it with me, angel. Before I became this monster, we made that bed ours. There is enough room for you, me and a tiger most of the time. Surely it's big enough for you to sleep in it as well."
Her eyes show a sadness. I can see her heart break. I wish I could feel something. Something to help. Anything.
"Okay.." She slowly gets up and walks to the room.
I think I'm being nice? Or being rude? At least when I was numb and and had something left in me I knew I was rude. With this I don't know how I come off as.
I just know I feel empty. Feel nothing. It's quite loney.
I grab the waters I had stumbled in here for. Which I didn't really know I was doing until I was already in here. I'm just out of place.
I walk back to the room and stock the fridge before climbing into the bed. She's on the other side, on the very edge. Lucky the tiger would be a cushion if she fell.
I fall asleep quickly. At least in my sleep I'll feel. I'll feel normal.
"I love you, Valerie."
Strange to hear that. But I'm too far gone to say anything in return to the crying angel. She's probably got this worse than anyone. Me, I just feel nothing. Her, she feels everything.
To a place I can feel normal. A numb dreamland.

Chains. Shackles. All the same walls and floors.
"Today's birthday punishment is going to be fun. For me." He laughs loudly.
A weird stench fills the air. And a vat of water is pulled into the dungeon. Another drowning session?
"We're just going to dunk you in."
I'm thrown into the liquid and pulled back out. It's not water. It burns. It burns badly. But I refuse my screams.
"This is what they call acid. It's fun, right?"
I endure the pain given and stay quiet. Maybe this won't last as long as my last ones had.
"We're just going to dip you in again. Have a little more fun."
As my feet are about to touch the acid, everything vanishes. Everything.
I'm left to the darkness. But.. hear.. the angels voice.
"At least I can give you peace though you're not capable of giving me any. How do your dreams hurt you even though you're emotionless? I take these way because I love you. I know you don't care..and it's fine. I'm still here though."
Her voise seems so sad. So distant. I can't wake to even thank her for saving me? Why would I want to think her? It's all I can do really.
"I would go to heaven. But I don't belong there anymore. My home is in your arms and not even that place is where I belong. I'm thinking of leaving. Make it easy for both of us. There is something you need to know but it would be pointless if you can't even give the care for me."
Her voice coming from all around in the darkness. I know I'm asleep. I know I am. I wish I would wake. She doesn't need to leave, I can. I'm doing this to her.

Waking up to quick movements. And watching her run. That's.. that's weird.
And the sound of vomiting. She must have gotten sick last night from the cold or something. She shouldn't have slept on the couch.
I get up and stand in the doorway. The tiger pushes pass me and lays behind the angel. She's supported in ways I cannot.
"You.. um.. you okay, angel?"
"Sure." She lies.
That's not an answer. But whatever. An angel who lies.
I grab my stuff and get dressed. Might as well make use for myself. Get things done.
I head out into the living room. Joel and his boytoy thingy are on the couch talking about something on his computer. Probably looking for fights or whatnot.
"Valerie. Hey. How are you feeling?" Luke asks.
"Not."
"Where's Ninfa?" Joel questions... in worry?
"She got sick. Started puking or something. Think she got sick from sleeping on the couch."
Joel starts running. He literally threw his computer into the.. husband?'s lap. I follow him.
"Is there any work, fights, for me to do?" I ask.
"You're an asshole, Valerie. Your wife is ill and you don't care?"
"She said she was okay."
He walks into the bathroom as the angel heaves again.
"Ninfa, are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She lies.
"You need to stop stressing out. It's not good for it."
"I'm fine." She lies again.
Joel lifts her and carries her to the bed. The tiger lays with her and she sighs.
"Is this cause you took my dream away?"
Her eyes instantly lock on mine and I see a massive amount of fear. I guess I wasn't suppose to say anything.
"You aren't suppose to use your magic that much. We talked about this." Joel says.
"It doesn't matter. Like it fucking helped."
She just spits out. Her tone turns angry. She's so weird.
"Stop stressing out. Stop worrying. Just lay down. Rest."
She turns over. "My life has become nothing but pain."
"Sounds familiar." I mumble out.
"Shut the fuck up, Valerie." Joel yells at me.
"Why is everyone so pissed off at me? Did I not kill Lucifer? This isn't my fault. I didn't choose to be this hollow shell. You don't know what it's like. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I can't change. I'm sorry I can't feel. I'm sorry you're so alone. I'm fucking sorry. But you're not the only ones alone."
I just watch their faces. Anger. Just anger. And sadness. What am I to do? I apologized, even if I don't have a fill meaning behind it. I'd like to believe I meant it.
I sigh. "Let's see if I can do this.." I hold my hands up, aiming at each. Joel doesn't flinch but the angel does. I have no reason to ever harm her. But. I would fear me too.
I channel whatever power I can and show them who I am. Give them a few seconds of the feeling of me. Of this nothingness.
As I take the magic away, they just stare at me. Like in awe or something. Maybe it's petty?
"Anyway. You should probably listen to Joel, angel. He seems to know what he's talking about. Or get the old elder wizard dude thingy."
My phrase of words seem to make the angel smile. So. I did something good? I don't know.
"Someone call for me?" A voice startles me enough I have Sekia to his throat.
I don't know where I got her from? She was put away across the room? Naturally bound?
"See she is awake. And the one who called. Hello Valerie."
"Hi old wizard dude thingy."
The angel laughs. It's.. cute? My words made her laugh.
"So she's not got her emotions back?"
"No..." the angel sheds tears again.
"No." She says again but a few moments later. I think he's talking to his with the brain link thingy.
He waves his hands over her and stands still. After a moment he vanishes. Just like that. Gone.
"So? What's wrong with you?"
"You don't care so it doesn't matter."
"Valerie. You're not helping." Joel sighs.
"Maybe I want to care? You felt what I am. It's not my fault but I'm fucking trying to fix whatever is wrong with me."
"You fought a battle and won. You destroyed one of the most powerfullest beings to ever exsist. You are a hero. Just being a hero sometimes has a price. And this price is one we all suffer from in many different ways. You with the numbness. Us with the pain of losing you. Her with the pain of losing her wife. We're not trying to be angry at you but right now there is nothing you can do unless you snap out of it."
"A hero to all the wrong people. Great. Uh. Well. I think I might go stay at the island or something."
"Neither of you are leaving. You both will stay here. You will stay together. She needs you, Valerie." Joel says angrily.
"She has you."
"But I need my wife. Even if you're not her, I know somewhere she's in there."
"I'm not wife material, angel. I'm literally nothing. You have Joel. And his boytoy thingy."
I'm trying so hard to feel anything. Anything to what I'm doing. I'm tearing apart a marriage that was built before I became this. I can't feel it thought.
"What do you mean by that?" Her eyes grow sad.
"I'm unintentionally hurting you. Constantly. I don't know what else to do other than to leave, angel."