Forbidden: Leadership

Chapter 18

-NINFA'S P.O.V-

    I can't get her to stop crying. She's had fits like this a few times before. And I think I know why she cries, a reason I do.
     We both miss Valerie. I miss my wife. And she misses her mother.
     I slowly rock her. "It'll be alright, Dakota. She said she would come home."
     Nothing feels worse than not being able to ease Dakota's pain. She just cries herself to sleep. And not even Misty being silly gets her to stop. I feel like a terrible mother because I'm unable to keep her happy all the time.
    I lay her down and kiss her forehead. It draws some energy from me, I know I had eased some pain. I'm glad I can heal because there would be no other real way she would show pains other than by crying.
    Soon she stops but it's for sleeping. I lay down next to her and Misty on the other side.
"She will find a way home, Ninfa." Misty licks my hand and it makes me cringe slightly.
"I know she will. I hope anyway."
     I begin falling asleep too. Just for a little while. A small sleep to give me energy. To numb my pains. If I can sleep.

    To her cries I wake instantly. Dakota in my arms and the...night?..day? begins. At least I know what this cry is for food.  Something I can give vs something I can't.
    I get up and rock her. Walking to the kitchen to make a bottle. This is my life, what it has become. All Dakota.
    I'm alright with that. Distraction from the horrible mess I'm becoming. I keep myself held up when Dakota is awake. So she doesn't send Valerie sad images of me and cause Valerie to be more sad about the situation than it already is.
    I say that I hope. But hope is a rare thing between Valerie and I. Opposites in a battle to just be together. It's annoying. It's tough. Barely any hope.
    I finish changing Dakota. The time really flies when you're over thinking. Time flies when I'm lost in Dakota's eyes.
     I'd like to think maybe she loves me the same as she loves Valerie... but I have a feeling that she loves Valerie more.
    It makes me smile to think that. To think that finally Valerie has more than 3 people in this existence that love her when she feared she wouldn't even gain my love.
    An image is sent from Dakota to me. Me smiling. She loves it when I smile.
   I lean down and kiss her forehead. "Momma's pretty girl."
   I lay her in the cradle. She yawns and I can only smile to the cuteness.
   As her eyes close, I know she sleeps.
"I'm going to shower." I say to Misty as she lays by the cradle.
    I hurry off to the shower. I just need the hot water. To breathe. To myself. Just a few minutes of some kind of peace.
    I let the hot water sink in for a few minutes. Wash my tears away for me. Set someease in me with the steam.
    I climb out and start drying off. As I pull on my shirt, her cries begin again. 20 minutes is too much to ask for 15 isn't.
    I pick her up but I know this cry isn't for anything. I can only pace the floor with her until she calms down. I haven't even talked to Valerie since last night.
    I don't know time anymore, actually. May have only been a few hours. Just have no idea.
    Dakota sleeps and I kiss her forehead as I lay her back down. Some energy is taken and I know I've given some relief to something. I think so much crying gives her headaches.
    I don't have to kiss to heal. But I think it's more personal. Plus I love giving Dakota little kisses. 
     I sigh and lay in the bed on the edge, lightly rocking the cradle that lays beside the bed. I grow more and more tired by the second. Sleep seems to be the only thing that numbs me from this agony.
    I just wish. For one moment. One moment that the existence of this life would be on our aide.
    Sleep almost takes me but Dakota begins crying again. I'm up quickly to hold her. And it just seems like it's unending.
"Come on, babygirl. Don't cry. We got to be strong. I know you want mommy.. We have to wait."
    She just doesn't stop. And I know she has understanding to my words. Some understandings.
     I pace for a few minutes. My heart seems to race to her cries. I think maybe it always has, I just haven't noticed before.
"Nin.."
    I turn around quickly. My heart drops. My...
"Val? Please don't say that I'm dreaming.."
    Blood drips down from her nose. She wipes it and quickly steps forward. Arms. Warm arms.
    Warm arms I call home. Take me in. Hold Dakota between us. And I'm in tears.
"H..How?"
"I've been trying on my own. For hours."
"Please.. Please be real.."
   She pulls back. Blood drips from her nose and she wipes it again. Whatever she did.. Whatever she had done..
"Let me heal you."
     Without an answer really, I lean up and lightly kiss her lips. A big energy was drawn from me.
    The pull knocks the wind out of me and makes her do same. I know my healing hurts and heals her but I don't give a damn right now.
    She takes Dakota from my arms gently and sits on the bed. I nearly fall over on the bed but she helps me.
"You shouldn't have healed."
"I could die happy right now and wouldn't give a flying fuck. If this is a dream, I don't care to wake."
"I would care. Because it's not. I went through so much pain. So much physical and mental to just get here. It better be real."
    She lightly brushes her hand over Dakota's cheek. "I couldn't take it. Take that dream another night."
    After a moment she looks to me. Her eyes fill and stream a massive amount of tears. "And I felt it. I felt you losing hope. The thought of you giving up on me, the thought of being worse than Lucifer by not being there for her, the thought of being trapped there while the only ones I loved were so far. The pain her cries caused me. I couldn't. I would feel you crying. And.. and.. I focused on it."
    I wipe her tears, though I know I'm crying as badly.
"I don't want to be a bad parent. I don't mean to be a terrible wife. I created a doorway. Only for me. I will be here. I will do my job but I will be here."
    She looks back down to Dakota. "Do you think she would forgive me?"
     I'm thrown off by her question. It's an odd thing to ask.
"Would you forgive me?" She looks back up. Her ruby eyes are so sad. So worrisome. So feared, worse than I have ever seen.
"You were doing what you had to do protect us all."
    A few moments of silence passes. She stares at Dakota now and I stare to her. I'm dreaming. I have to be.
    I'm weak. But scared to sleep. Fear of the dream ending. Fear of it all being gone again.
    Looking down I notice Dakota sleeps. Valerie does notice too and puts her in the cradle. I'm taken in a hold, a tight hold.
"Forgive me. Forgive me for being so terrible. I never deserved you."
"You deserve much better. And there is nothing to forgive. You were doing what you promised, to protect."
    I feel myself slipping more and more to weariness. From the energy drain. From the crying. From the shock.
"Rest, my love. We have much to do later on."
"Do?"
"You'll see. Let's rest. Let me be home. Please let me be home?"
    I hold her as tight as she is me. She manages to lay us down. Staying in each others arms.
"If I fall, will you still be here?"
     She was more tired than me. More drained and she had fallen before I could even speak. I hope this is real. I hope. I hope.
    I fall asleep. In her arms. Her in mine. Home. With Dakota asleep next to us. I fall asleep.

    A kiss on the cheek wakes me. It wakes me. I wasn't dreaming. I wasn't dreaming.
   I roll on top of her and feel myself begin to cry. Because she's here. She's actually here.
"Don't cry, my love."
"I'm sorry."
"We have much to discuss and short time."
   She sits up and I sit on her lap as she does. Her hands lightly cups my cheeks. Her thumbs lightly wipe my fallen tears away.
"I have to go back. But I will come back after I take care of the things that need to be done for the day."
"You will come back?"
"Fuck yes I will. I didn't go through hell, literally, to just be with you and then be trapped again. I will be back before you know it. Then I'm going to take you and Dakota on a family dinner. I swear it to you."
    I lean in and kiss her. My mind instantly shuts down to this feeling. To her lips. To her embrace..
    The kiss is slow. Annoyingly slow and I want her. I want her so bad. In so many ways.
    The kiss parts as we suffocate ourselves. In deep breathes trying to gain air again. It takes a few moments before she speaks again.
"I promise you, Ninfa. I'll be back later. And we will have a family dinner. We'll have our alone time. It will be alright."
     I lean in and take her lips in a short kiss. Something comes over me and I end up biting her lip. Her breath catches in her throat to it.
    As I pull back, a dark cloud rolls in her ruby eyes. "Definitely will get you back for that."
"That a threat?"
"Depends your point of view, Nin."
    I laugh lightly and lean in again. I lightly kiss her lips before pulling back.
"I'll be back as soon as I'm finished with the days work."
    I sigh and get off of her. She stands at the edge of the bed. She lightly kisses Dakota's forehead before turning back to me.
"I will be back soon. Before you know it. You should rest more, I know you need it."
   I nod slowly and she leaves. I lay down and begin to fall back asleep. I wished and now I have.
    The hope I hold is so thin, ready to break at any given moment. But with this, so feel it grow stronger in ways. I have far too many doubts that outweigh my happiness but all I can do is try to not become a slave to those feelings.
    Each time she would be out in a coma after a battle, my hope thinned more. At this point, if she was forced to leave again like that, I know I will break. I can't have my hope be lost for us but I'm too close for safety of it. So many doubts but the hope is still there.
   I fall asleep, waiting once again. But I have hope. So much more hope.