Forbidden: Leadership

Chapter 5

-VALERIE'S P.O.V-

    The pain was like no other. But I could feel pain. The thought of being a parent... that makes me.. me.... happy.
     I'm awake. Alive. Living with a heartbeat again.
    I feel better. I am better. But I also feel terrible.
     I'm just staring at my wife as she sleeps because I'm too afraid to wake her. Too afraid to see what she actually thinks of me. She won't forgive me for this, I know, I think, what she will think of me.
     I carefully get up and leave. Misty follows me.. I don't want Ninfa to be alone but I've put extra protection on her. The moment I woke up, I gave extra to all I have already given. Nothing will harm her. Or our child.
    Joel's eyes catch mine and I sit down on the couch. He comes and sits next to me. It's silent for a good moment... a moment where I can't think pass one thing.
"She won't forgive me."
"Yes she will."
"I told her I was going to leave her. I meant it. I was trying to hurt myself. I was trying to snap out of it like you asked me to. She won't forgive me. She won't because she will think it's because of the baby. It's not just that. It's.."
"Breathe. What's with you beings and not breathing in your rants?"
"She's going to think it's all because of her being pregnant, Misty. I already know she will."
"Then why did you wake?"
"Because. No one would willingly hold a demons baby after what we have seen together. No angel would hold a child of the damned if it wasn't out of true love."
"When she wakes, if it comes to that, tell her that." Joel says.
     I hear our door open. Small footsteps and I know she's coming.
"I'm sorry. Tell her I went to go get us food. I'm not ready. I'll be back in a little bit." I whisper to them.
     I'm not ready for her to crush me as I have done her.
    I quickly teleport out. I go to the island. To be alone. To.. It's..
    I know she won't forgive me. Ever. Or at least not easily.
    I can't just say sorry. Words can seem pointless. And I can't get or do anything to express my true level of how sorry I am. I just... I just..
    I take the the skies to try and think more. The wind in between my wings. The fresh air.
   I take my time flying to a restaraunt. Well. Pub. She likes pizza... I like pizza. We all like pizza, right?...
    Not thinking much more than I did when I was pacing. All tactics I've ever had with flying have now gone down the drain. I'm panicking.
    I hide myself and land. She isn't in the living room, so I go in. Joel is to my aid and takes the pizza's.
"Has she come out?"
"Yeah. Told her to shower and stuff. I think she fell asleep or something."
"She needs to eat."
"Then go get her." Luke speaks.
"No... no.. I can't."
"Just get it over with." Joel says in a sigh.
    Everything in me is fighting against this. But my heart just wants to see her teal eyes. My heart wants to see her smile. My heart wants to be near her.
     I come in to her. She's putting on her shirt. And I can see it. I can see the baby bump. Not that big, honestly. And she's so damn beautiful it wouldn't matter how big or small she is. She's perfectly beautiful.
"You're beautiful."
    She laughs lightly but ends up in tears. I don't know what else to do other than hold her close to me. I feel her belly press to mine in a much different way than before. It makes me happy.
     The happiness doesn't last long. And I end up on my knees. I think I just fell? I'm not sure.
"You don't understand.."
"Everything is laid down in front of me. I understand fully. If I wasn't pregnant you would be gone. Because I'm pregnant is the only reason why you came back."
    She's so angry. The anger shows as a flame in her eyes. And it doesn't seem to be getting any better.
"You being pregnant holds a great part, yes. But.."
"You just admitted it."
    My heart. My heart hurts so much. I deserve this. I deserve this pain.
"I do not wish you to be angry but I understand why. I deserve it. You don't need to stress anymore, Ninfa.. I'm okay and alive and feeling all kinds of pain but that doesn't matter." I get up and turn to gather a few things. "Anger isn't good for the baby and me being around you isn't making you any happier. Too angry to let me finish what I was saying and it's not healthy. I cannot make you listen if you don't want to." I turn back to her with a small bag packed. If I need more, I can come while she's sleeping and get it.
"There is pizza waiting for you two. You know where to find me."
   I lean down and kiss her forehead. Trying my best not to cry but if I look into her eyes again, I know I will. But.. But she needs to know one last thing..
"I love you, Nin."
    I teleport out. Teleport to the island. Away from her.
    I'm doing the right thing, right? She needs time and is far too angry to allow me to explain. Anger is not good for the baby.
    If she kept it this long, I'm sure she's wanting to keep it but wanted to wait for me. But I would never have harm done to a thing that I love and if this baby comes from her...us.. then I love it just as much.
   I set a fire going. And set a few things up. A boredness kicks in. The fact that I haven't eaten in, I think it's been 3 months? 4? Something of the sort, means I'm starving and I am. I just don't want to be anymore of a burden to her. She needs less stress and I only cause more.
    I get up and begin walking. Walking along the trail that we went down along one time for some odd reason. Someone was chasing the other. And was trapped by this bolder thingy.
   I want to help her take care of our child. Even if it means not being there all the time. If it's her wish, I will grant.
    Maybe I should build a place here for her. It's peaceful and she loves it here. There's no bad influences. It's well protected. If she wants to she could live and grow our child here.
    That's what I will do. That's what I will do to contribute more. To make sure that even if she choses me not to be in the kids life much, that I can give her the one thing she loves as much as me and her cheese, this island. But I guess by the end of this, she will not love me.. at least I can give.
    I begin clearing the land by the boulder. Summoning Sekia to help me bring down trees and bushes quicker. The land is flattened in a short time.
    It's almost night here, meaning it be day there. I hope she slept well. Better than I and I didn't.
    To gather supplies... I have to think. Think large. I want this place to be big. I cleared a lot of land for it to be.
    The idea of a cabin sort of thing. Or maybe sort of stone? No. I hate stone and cobblestone. For obvious reasons.
    A log cabin. A warm and cozy log cabin. The wood will be an off tent from oak. It will look nice. It will good good for her.
    I begin gathering supplies. Teleporting from place to place and back and forth with things I need to build it all. Things to make a windmill and solar panels. Things to make pipes for water source. Things to make bathrooms with, bedrooms with. Everything I will need. And more, probably.
    I begin building. I slow time for the world and Ninfa too. She doesn't need to be part of my slow time if we aren't together..
     The foundation and flooring. The deck and porch. The upstairs and downstairs. The basement. The attic. I build the house big. It covers all the land I cleared and I had to clear more for it.
    I feel like I'm starving but I won't stop until it's finished. All of it. Even the wiring and piping. Even the furnishing.
    The day has gone by, in slow motion for the world but for me it's been the same speed. Almost everything is done. Almost everything is perfect. Almost. I make the house of wood.. yet want a fireplace.. I can enchant to be sure nothing ever happens to this place.
    I do so. With every nail in its place. With every wire working correctly with the solar panels... And built a small windmill in back that stores while it catches energy. With the plumbing and pipes all set up in the query we would swim, output obviously elsewhere... It's done.
   To furnish. I clean up everything. Making sure it's perfect. And get ready to move things.
    I begin teleporting to place and back and repeat for things. The world still in slow motion for them. I get everything that I know she loves. Everything I know will be needed.
    I got everything.. except for baby things. I'm unsure of the gender. But once I know, I will have everything set for the baby.
    I line up ..her....bed.. with the skylight window. I think she will be happy with it. Or there's the whole area around the firepit in the back yard... or our fire by the waters.. that she can watch the sky from.
    I even made a few big beds for Misty. I made her a giant tub in the basement. Or she could swim in the pool I dug out.
    I got everything a house would own. The kitchen is set up and ready to go. The bathrooms are usable and pretty.
    I am done. Down to the doors and beds. Down to every last detail. It's a house that's ready to be made a home.
    I walk down the stairs from the front porch and walk the soft wood walkway I made to our fire. It's a nice walk. And there aren't really many animals on this island. And nothing to ever harm anyone. It's perfect for her.
    I'm happy with my work. I'm happy I'll be able to give this to her. To know that she and out baby will be safe.
    Maybe.. Maybe I can carve a crib. Like I did with the table that Joel and Luke broke. Maybe I'll do that. I will.
   Right now I need a shower. I grab my things and teleport my way inside the empty house. I hesitate between family bathroom or master bathroom but end up going for family. Not my bedroom, not my bathroom.
    I shower quickly and it feels nice. The water heater and everything seems to be working. Everything in here is green energy. It's all working wonderfully. I'm excited to give this to her.
    I have cloaked the house, island and everything for anyone else but us. This is... hers. Not mine. Not ours. Hers. Theirs.
    I sigh and head out of the house and head back to the fire and query. I dare not sleep in that house. It is not mine to sleep in. I merely borrowed a shower.
    I lay down next to the flames and resume time. I just watch the wood burn. Watch the pieces turn to ash. Enjoy the smell of the wood.
    My stomach would say I'm hungry and it would be right. But I'm far too tired to go get food and come back. I've kept world slow for 3 days straight. Teleported so many times... I'm pooped.
    I wish she was here. But it's over. And I accept that. It'll be okay.
    There is no more her and I. I'll give her this gift and never let her see me again. I'll make it as if she never met my tragedy.
    She deserves to be free of me and so she shall be. It wasn't meant to be if she would have listened to me. It's as if the rolls have switched.
    She doesn't care to hear me out. She doesn't care. While I'm stuck here, alone and wishing I could just hold my love.
    She must hate me. She must and if she doesn't, I'm sure she's on the way. It's over between us, she's made it clear so.
    Ninfa and I were just a tragedy in the wind. A house of cards and one little mess up ends with it crumbled down. I almost wish I never loved her but I could not live with myself if I hadn't had the good years I did.
    It's those memories I have to hold onto now. Because that's all they are now... memories to never be again.
    I don't know why I started crying. But I am. And it hurts. It all hurts way too much.
    I cry myself to sleep. Almost praying to not wake. Just reminding myself that it's going to be okay. Some how, some way, it will be okay......