Forbidden: Leadership

Chapter 10

-NINFA'S P.O.V-

    The fear of waking up and her being gone again is all too real. All too real. Sadly too real.
    I sigh to the empty bed. Misty lays on the pillow bed for her on the other side of the room. Doesn't make me feel less lonely.
    I slowly get up. Misty is at my side rather quickly.
"Where is.."
"I was asleep. I hadn't seen her. How are you feeling?"
"I'm alright. I guess."
   I scratch behind her ears and listen to the purr I'm granted. I start my journey through the house... searching for her.
    I find her in the baby's room. She's getting things organized. Things she got extra since we went shopping?
"Did you even sleep?"
"I don't really do much of that."
"How long have you been up?"
"I got you to sleep like 3 hours ago. So somewhere around there."
"Why do you not want to sleep with me?"
"Don't look at it that way, Ninfa."
"It's not like it's not noticeable, Valerie. Your clothes are in the sparebedroom. You don't sleep with me or shower with me and if you  sleep with me you're gone before I'm awake."
"I built this place for you. This is not my house, Nin. It's not my home. It's you twos and Misty's."
"Do you not want it to be your home?"
     She look up to me quickly but doesn't say anything. Like she's searching for words. And now I fully understand.
    She won't live here because she gave it to me. She wasn't expecting to stay. Because this place is mine and not hers, she feels like it's not her home.
   This house wouldn't be a home without her. But with her, she has only had one home, me. And since I.. I didn't ...She thinks she doesn't have a home.
"This is you and our baby's home, Nin." She says but turns away from my eyes.
"This is your home, Valerie. I am your home."
    She finishes putting the room together. She doesn't really answer me but I didn't ask properly.
"Would you move in with me? It seems like a ridiculous thing to ask my wife, but I'm asking. I'm asking because I want you back. All of you. In every way I can. Because I fucking miss you. So please, move in? Sleep with me? Be annoyed when I kick you in my sleep. Be annoyed when Misty hits you in places she shouldn't. Be with me... forgive me.."
    It's silent for a moment. Tense. Sad. Heart thundering.
"I'm not having Misty crush me every time I'm in male form."
"So you're home? You forgive me?"
"Yeah. The place looks terrible. Did you ever get the name of the maker? Maybe tell them to fix that." She points but I can't tell with what.
"Fix what?"
    She pulls me to her and turns me around. I still don't see anything.
"Val. Seriously, what?"
    She takes my hand and points my finger to the doorframe. A spider starts to drop down.
"IT COULD HAVE GOTTEN ON ME." I smack her arm from mine. "Kill it. You're so mean. It almost dropped on me." I cringe.
    She starts laughing loudly and drops to the floor behind me. It's not funny. I hate spiders.
"It's not fu.."
    I can't. Her laughing is too loud. I can't even speak out but I also can't leave cause there is a spider. I wait until her laughter dies.
"It was funny."
"Valerie, kill itttt."
"You're not afraid of demons. Not afraid of the goblins. Or even the witches. But ever forbid there is a spider and you turn into a.."
"Pussy."
"This is a victory. Finally the great Misty doesn't call just me that."
   I don't see how that's a victory? I just got called a pussy by my best friend because I hate spiders. They creep me out. They really, really, really, REALLY creep me out.
    To my silence she sighs and kills the spider. She turns to me quickly. "So we don't have this problem again, I'll put another spell on the house."
"I'm going to go be a big kitty and go swimming. Byebye pussies."
    She leaves and I'm left with Valerie. Who has a ridiculous grin. She confuses the crap out of me.
    She leans over and kisses my cheek. She walks out and I follow close behind. Sort of confused on what we're doing.
    She opens the drawer and grabs her small amount of things. She takes a moment and sets them on the dresser in our? room.
"That side is empty, actually."
"Oh. Alright."
   She sorts her clothes into the drawers. She turns to me and her eyes.. they seem so.. sad.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know if this will hurt you. It shouldn't. But if it hurts the baby I don't think I could forgive myself."
"Do what?"
    She kisses my forehead. I feel the link we once had... it opens again. I feel her power take parts of my mind as she had once before. It feels homely.
   After a short second she pulls away from me. "You can hear her. Is she okay?"
    I listen. And the heartbeats are as strong as ever. Even stronger when she's so close, it's.. like she knows who Valerie is and I'm sure she does.
   I smile to it. To the thought that maybe this baby can somehow know who we are before she's even born.
"Take your smile as a yes?"
"Yeah. She's stronger with you around, I've noticed."
    She lifts me up and carries me out of the room. She slowly walks down the stairs and heads into the kitchen.
"Let me make you two something?"
"3. Us all."
"4." Misty roars from outside.
"Okay then."
    She sets me down at the island stool. As she cooks, I watch. She always handles a blade weird, whether small or big, it's fascinating.
"When I was in the womb, I could hear my mother speak to me. I could see her, as if I were looking at her through another's eyes. It sounds strange, but I had that ability."
    I focus on her but also listen to the heartbeats. To Valerie's voice, the baby's heartbeat beats faster. It's beautiful.
"She told me I was great. That I would be."
"And you are."
"I try."
"You don't really need to try."
"In a way, Nin, I'm a little scared of this all. Our mothers had bad childbirths. And if that's the one thing that will kill you, I would be a useless parent. I need you more than you will ever need me. That's how I knew you could do this on your own..." She turns away from my eyes to the last part.
"I doubt anything will happen with how protected you made me. And the baby. I know the spells you did that one morning."
    She rubs the back of her neck. I know she's blushing but she's busying herself with cooking to cover it.
"I'm also afraid for other reasons. This baby has demon because of who I am."
"But she also is angel."
   I have no fear that this girl will be good or evil. Valerie is not evil so neither would our daughter. And I'm glad now we've worked things out... that I was wrong.
    She wouldn't have ever kissed my belly in slowed time. Or ever my forehead. Or lay with me for a small amount of time as I slept.. She wouldn't have done any of it, if it wasn't out if true love. She wouldn't have put herself through that much more pain to do those things if it wasn't true.
"Which have never mated. We won't know the outcome. She could turn out to be evil. She could. And then I would hate myself for being..being.. this monster."
    Yet I don't believe a word she's said. I can't think like that. This baby will be good. Beautiful. She will be good.
"You're not a monster."
"But you know what I mean. We don't know what we're getting ourselves into."
"I know. And it is scary to think about. But if you haven't noticed, you're not exactly a demon."
    She's not. Lucifer was arch angel. I've tried to explain this to her so many times. Or tried to explain how light she is compared to any other demon.
"What do you mean?" She turns around to look at me.
"Demons don't help, they kill almost without reason. You have reason. You protect. You're a savior."
"But I don't have light."
"You have love. And as far as I'm sure, that's stronger than light."
   She walks over and kisses my cheek. "I love you, you know?"
"I think."
"Guess you know now."
"I love you too, Val."
   She kisses my cheek and then leans down and lightly kisses my belly. I feel so damn fat. And I'm not even close to term yet.
"I feel fat."
"You're not."
"But I feel like I am."
"2 and a half months."
"And hopefully it doesn't go by slow, making me feel even fatter."
"You look perfect to me."
   She sets plates down and we begin eating. The left overs go to Misty. She eats outside because she's a soaking mess and I really don't want to clean that up.
   We just sit and relax. Lay and relax. Movies and relax.
   If I'm going to be honest. I've been hungry. Hungry for love. Love in ways only she can offer me. But I haven't said anything.
    It's not exactly easy to say that you want her to be sexual... when the whole marriage is rocky and breakable. But I want it so badly. So badly.
    She covers me up and I sigh. Sigh massively. Noticeably.
"What's wrong? Did I do something? Are you overheated?"
"No, no and no. I'm just. Well. There are things I want."
"I will give anything you need."
"More of a want over need. I don't know, could probably fly as a need."
"Speak your mind without riddles?"
"I'm hungry for something." I feel my cheeks heat to my own words.
"Oh..."
"And I really want it." I bite my lip
"Nin.."