Falling

Chapter Nineteen

5000 reads ;o suddenly the number of reads are increasing like crazy. SO THANK YOU ALL, WHOEVER IS READING :)

Anyway, updates for this are going to be once a week on Saturdays (unless we can get a chapter done before that)(which may happen because it's the holidays now. but don't get your hopes up) so. Just saying.

WORD COUNT: 5,892 (this must be the longest chapter so far...)

CHAPTER NINETEEN
(HARRY POV)

It had been a long week. Louis finally woke up, but had lost part of his memory, the part with me in it. I was obviously quite devastated, but at least Louis was willing to try with me, and that was all that mattered. I knew that if we tried hard enough he’d remember.
Everything was going to be okay. Yeah, everything would be okay, because I finally got rid of Clark that psycho. He would never ever bother me again, because he knew that I wasn’t going to work for him anymore. Sure he knew that Louis and I were together and would use that against me, but somehow I felt that we were unbreakable with this love, and Clark could never do anything to take us apart, even if he had Zayn on his side now.

My phone buzzed and I rolled over in my bed to look at the caller ID.

It was Clark. Speak of the devil.

God, this guy really seemed to be everywhere. I hated him. It was like he only existed to make my life a living hell, and it made his own life the most enjoyable thing on earth. Reluctantly, I picked up my phone and slid my finger across the screen and held the phone to my ear, and he immediately began yakking rubbish.

“Styles, don’t think that I’ve let you go that easily. I still want you to kill that blonde. I don’t care if he’s only cheated on my son, I want him dead. I know who’s keeping you back. But I heard that he lost his memory, right?” Clark spoke, his voice cold and smug. He paused to let me respond.

“Yeah but he got it back!” I lied and he laughed humourlessly.

“Did he now, Harry?”

“Yeah! He got it back and he’s going to be out of the hospital soon.” I lied again.

“Harry, you’re pathetic, do you know that? I know he still can’t remember, don’t bother lying to me. Anyway, yeah with him out of your way, you wouldn’t have any emotional links to Niall Horan.”

I sighed. “So what’s your point?”

“My point is that now you will be able to kill him for me. After you do that, you can continue living your life with Lewis. I’m happy, you’re happy, Lewis is happy, everybody’s happy!” Clark exclaimed cheerily. God he was such a psycho. Who in their right state of mind would think that killing someone that people cared about made people happy?

“First of all Clark, his name is Lou-ie. Not Lewis. Get that right. Secondly, I will not kill because “it makes everyone happy”. It doesn’t make anyone happy. Louis won’t be happy because I killed his best friend. How am I supposed to live with that the rest of my life? Do you want me to think of what I did every single time I see Louis? I’m sure you do. But I don’t need your answer. At the end of the day I’ll still stay firm. I am not killing anyone at all. And besides, I’m sure you have Zayn to do it. He seemed more than happy to.” I responded firmly, feeling somewhat angry at Zayn. 

“I don’t care what his name is. Does it actually matter? And anyway, I don’t care if you’re happy or guilty for the rest of your worthless life; I just want Niall Horan dead. And if Zayn was anywhere to be found, I wouldn’t need your useless help. Fine then, just you wait. I’ll make you change your mind, I promise,” Clark said threateningly, chuckling slightly at the end, and I shivered.

His voice was enough to scare me. It was always so cold and menacing, and it reminded me that he always does what he says. He means every single thing he says. Suddenly I regretted being so stubborn. God, what if he kidnapped Louis or something?! He was already in that accident, he can’t take anymore; I can’t take anymore…

“What the hell are you planning to do?”

“Well Harry, I’d like to surprise you. It wouldn’t be much fun to tell you now, would it? I’m sure you like the element of surprise too.” He chuckled devilishly. Oh god he was such a maniac.

“Clark, I think there’s something wrong with you. How the fuck can you be so happy and calm?! We’re talking about lives here, not cupcakes and donuts, for god’s sake!” I shouted into the receiver.

“You’re right, Harry. There is something wrong with me. I have bipolar disorder. Well like it matters, it doesn’t change my plan. I still want Niall Horan dead. I don’t care what you say, his life is worthless. If you won’t help me, there’s nothing more we can talk about. Just you wait. We’ll meet soon, Harry. This isn’t over, not even close.”

And the line went dead.

I scoffed. “We’ll meet soon, Harry.” Who even says such things these days?! He was like living in the past, in those lame detective movies. Then again, he was a pathetic loser at that. But I couldn’t help but take his word for it. I somehow believed that he’d do something to get back at me. He was that crazy. I mean, he’s prepared to kill a guy because his son got dumped. Someone like that couldn’t be in the right state of mind.

God, what if he really did something to us? Or worse still, to Louis? I couldn’t let anything happen to Louis. He was my everything, and I don’t think I would be able to cope if something else happened to him. And I can’t let Niall get hurt either. He was my friend now. And more importantly, Louis cared a great deal about him.

Clark was so annoying, and annoying was an understatement. He practically just makes me want to kill him. I’m not a murderer though, and I never will be. But what if Zayn agrees to help Clark get back at me? And I’m sure if he did agree, he’d give it his all because he hates me, and it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have done it, I shouldn’t have left. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so angry with me, even after five years.

Sighing, I sat up on my bed and ruffled my curls. What was I going to do? I forced myself to push those thoughts to the back of my mind and got up to carry out my daily routine. I had to focus on Louis. He was my priority, and I had to try to help him regain his memory. But what was I to do? I already showed him pictures, bought him coffee, and told him the whole story of our relationship, from the beginning till the accident. What else could I do?

There must have been something that I could do… I sighed. All I could do was keep getting him more coffee, and pray that he’d just remember.

But wait. There was something else I could do. If I couldn’t protect them, there was something else I could do. I could leave. Leaving would help me to escape all this, and Clark wouldn’t take his anger towards me on anyone else. Louis and Niall would be safe, and it’d be so much simpler…

I headed to the hospital. When I got there, Louis was eating the disgusting breakfast the hospital provided. I looked at him from outside and he was picking at the food, deciding which one was more edible. He picked at the bun and took a bite out of it. It must have tasted terrible because he made a face and winced.

 It was exactly the same as the one he had at the hospital while getting stitches.

I smiled at that memory and walked in. “Hey Louis!” I greeted happily. Louis looked up from his food and grinned at me. “Hello Harry! You’re happy today!” He responded just as cheerily, and I laughed. “Well I can’t say the same for you… You seem to be enjoying that lovely bun!” I smirked, and Louis pouted.

“No! It’s terrible! God, I’m sure this food makes the patients here even sicker than they were in the first place. Ugh, I’m not eating it anymore!” He whined, and pushed the tray of food further away from him. I looked at him, amused. Seeing him made all my problems disappear. He was like the solution to everything, and I liked that.

But I couldn’t forget what I came here to do.

 Before that, I was going to get Louis some food first. “Hang on Louis; I’ll get you some food from the canteen. I’m sure you’ll like it way more than this, even if you already love this to bits!” I exclaimed sarcastically and he pouted even harder.

I went to get him some Danish pastry from the canteen, and when I got back, his face lit up. “Yay, I get yummy pastries!” He shouted out excitedly and grinned like a happy little kid. He sat in his bed and clapped his hands and bounced up and down. I chuckled and handed him the pastries. He was so cute. It reminded me of why I loved him. Of course I didn’t just love him for being cute. But that was one of the reasons, I was sure.

As he gobbled down the pastries, he asked me what I was going to do today to help him remember. I flinched at that, and remembered what I was supposed to do. Here goes nothing, Harry…

“Nothing. We’re not going to do anything. I don’t know what to do anymore. Well, if you remember then that’s good. But if you don’t, I guess there’s nothing I can do about it.” I tried my best to sound heartless, and I hoped it was convincing. I needed him to believe every single word I said.

Louis looked up from his food. “What? Why not?! Harry, we have to keep trying! I don’t want to give up on you or the things we had together!” He argued and he seemed pissed already. My plan was working.

“Well we didn’t have enough memories for me to bring back to help you,” I responded instantly, wanting to piss him off even further. I had to do it.

“Harry, why are you acting like this all of a sudden? Why are you giving up? Don’t you care anymore?”

“Maybe I do care, and maybe I did love you, but what is that going to do? How’s that gonna help, huh? You don’t remember me, and there’s nothing I can do about it! You don’t even love me the way I do!” I winced internally. That was harsh, and knowing Louis, he was sure to get hurt. I felt guilty, definitely. And I wanted to just stop and tell him that all this was a joke and I was just trying to protect him and Niall from Clark. But I couldn’t, because he didn’t know about Clark. Louis was just the innocent party, but I had to hurt him to protect him… I’m sorry Louis. I still love you. I always will…

Louis looked like he was going to cry, but I don’t know if it was because he was angry or sad. I wasn’t going to stick around to see him cry. I’d just give up and tell him I was sorry. That was my weak point; I was just too in love with Louis for my own good. I had to end this quickly and leave before I broke down.

“Did? Harry, don’t you… anymore? Why are you being like this?  I’m trying, and you should too! If it’s because you’re hurting because I can’t remember you, you should know that I’m hurting more than you! Do you know how it feels to have something so big missing from your mind? It’s like a deep hole, one that could never be filled! And I was depending on you to fill it for me.

I thought that you’d help me, and that we could work everything out together! But no, you’re being a coward and a loser. You’re giving up just because of a little setback like that? You know, I don’t think I need someone like you in my life then.” Okay, Louis was pissed. As he yelled, the first tear fell. Oh god, no. Harry, you have to do this. Don’t just give up now. You’re doing this for everyone.

I took a deep breath, before saying the meanest thing I could think of. “Louis, we would never work. And frankly, it’s not because I’m a coward. I just found someone else. You can go be with Niall okay? After all, you know him better than you know me. You can’t even remember a thing about me now… Whatever, bye Louis, I’m leaving. Enjoy the pastry...” I couldn’t even recognize my own voice. It was so hard and cold. I didn’t want to do this, but I had no choice. There was nothing else I could do… I knew that mentioning Niall would just break Louis, but I still did it.

And I didn’t have someone else; he was the only one I’d ever have. I don’t think I’m capable of loving anyone else in this lifetime anymore. He’s Louis, he’s special, and I love him… I had to say that. I had to do it so that I’d break him, hard. And he’d forget about me like I never existed. All this was easier because he didn’t remember me from the past few months. He knew me as a new person he met days ago. That made it all easier.

As I stood up to leave, I took a last glance at Louis. He looked absolutely shattered, and it was my fault. He was shaking uncontrollably in his bed and was sobbing. Before turning around to leave, I took a last glance at the half eaten pastry he was holding, and quickly walked out, making sure to slam the door shut behind me.

When I was finally out of his sight, I leant against the wall and slid down, crying. This wasn’t my fault at all. It was Clark’s fault. He was forcing me to do this. He was threatening me, and I had no choice…. I buried my face in my knees and sobbed.

But there was no turning back now… I already did it. And I wasn’t going back to apologize because Louis wouldn’t trust me anymore. He’d never forgive me. I just broke his heart. He gave me a chance, and I just ruined it. He was trying to make himself remember and to fall in love with me all over again, but I just screwed all of that up.

Maybe if I left, I won’t feel so upset when I learn about his coming to harm. Maybe I’d just forget him one day… And everything would be better. I would be able to live a new life and Niall could be with Louis… At least two out of the three of us would be happy, right?

I’m so sorry Louis. But there’s no other way. I love you.